Maybe your cup is also full? Then the first thing you need to do in order to succeed is to make room for new information, for new attitudes, beliefs, thoughts. Why is it so important to start with thoughts - because each of us is ready to accept only what is already in our minds. Our thoughts today are our reality tomorrow.
For example, give you countless treasures right now, if you are not ready to accept them, think that you are not worthy of such gifts, or believe that wealth is danger, evil, injustice, etc., you do not have specific goals for which you will spend your capital, and do not even think about what you will do with the wealth that has come to you - you will either not accept these funds, or get rid of them in all possible and impossible ways. In any case, they will not bring you long-term happiness, but most likely they will add problems.
Why do you need to cling to stereotypes of behavior and thinking that do not bring you satisfaction from your life? Do you have another life? Why work at a job that depresses you or live with a person who constantly bullies you? Why communicate with people after communication with whom you constantly spoil your mood? Do you really like it? Does everything seem familiar, understandable and predictable to you in your ossified comfort zone? If you're afraid of losing what you have - then back to the cup example - you can't add something to your life that would bring you joy without getting rid of something that spoils your life. No other way. You can endure further - this is your right and your choice, or you can clear a place for success and start cleaning with false beliefs and attitudes. You can be sure of one thing - a holy place is never empty!
So, to become successful, you need to know for sure that there are no obstacles (especially in your head) to achieve success. At this stage, it is advisable to do the following exercise:
1. Write ten sentences starting with “I must”, “I must”, “I need”. And now replace the words “should”, “must”, “need” with “want”. Now the sentences are true? If not, rephrase those sentences that do not correspond to reality, leaving the word “I want”.
For example: "I have to work to earn a living."
“I want to work to earn a living.”
It's true? Are you comfortable when you say this sentence?
This option causes less resistance or does not cause at all:
“I want to work to be financially secure.”
Or “I want to do what interests me and brings in income”
2. List ten of your qualities that serve as your business card. Now, next to each quality, write whether you consider it your strength or weakness. Now write what advantages you can derive from your listed personal qualities in a given situation.
For example, if you wrote “I am stubborn”, do you consider this character trait an advantage or a disadvantage? Doesn't this quality speak about your purposefulness? Or you wrote "I'm humble." To be humble means to be genuinely interested in others, often more than in oneself; respects the norms of morality and morality accepted in society; recognize and respect the dignity of others. Do you like being like this? Would you like to communicate and do business with such a person? If both options are “no”, write what you would like to receive in return for your modesty. I guess it's self-confidence. Self-confidence is a acquired thing, how to develop it in yourself is a little later.
3. Make a list of ten items detailing what you enjoy about your current life.
For example, “I have a stable, albeit small, salary.”
4. Describe ten things that are not in your current life, but that would give you great pleasure.
For example, “I would like to work at a convenient time for me.”
5. List ten reasons why you deserve to be successful.
For example, “I am ready to devote 50 hours a week to my hobby.”
As you noticed, in all sentences there is no “not” particle. Thoughts such as “I can’t take abuse anymore” or “I don’t want to need money” your brain perceives without a “not” particle. And you end up with "I can take abuse" or "I want to need money." And all because the brain thinks in images. He cannot imagine “non-dog” or “non-tree”. But he understands well what a dog or a tree means. That is why it is so important to think, speak and want without the “not” particle. With a little bit of conscious practice, you will develop this useful habit.
Dear friends! We bring to your attention an interview with Oleg Gadetsky to the Useful Newspaper.
Greetings, dear readers of the Useful Newspaper, today our guest is coach, writer, philosopher Oleg Georgievich Gadetsky. Oleg Georgievich, today we will talk about success and the first question for you is: “What is success?”
Today, many people strive for success. In society, a person's success is most often determined by his material wealth. If he has an expensive car, a country house and a certain level of income, then he is considered a successful person. No one cares what goes on in his soul. True success manifests itself at a deeper level in specific things. For example, does a person have close people who love him and are grateful for the care and love, attention and sensitivity. Does he have real friends who are interested in him as a person, and not his capabilities.
Does it fulfill its purpose? Now many people are focused on career growth. They are forced to function, earn money, fuss, use resources and opportunities. Being engaged in other than their own business, instead of satisfaction, they experience stress. Getting rich is not difficult, but achieving these goals is not easy. It is necessary to overcome serious obstacles in oneself that are associated with changing one's heart.
- You have described the criteria for success, but is there any foundation from which the desire and path to success begins?
It starts with simple things. We need to learn how to make friends. This means that I must become attentive and sensitive to those around me. Friendship cannot arise when there is no real me, so I must live a real life and show my values \u200b\u200bin relationships. The destination is predetermined for each person from above. If a person knows how to live, trusting the highest leadership, then after some time it will manifest itself in his life. I will say one more very interesting thing that not very many people know today.
For example, the success of a man directly depends on his attitude towards the woman who is next to him. If he shows care, love and patronage for her, then a happy woman radiates a blessing in response, and with it one of the greatest energies of the Universe comes into his life - the energy of prosperity. If a man builds his relationships with relatives and people close to him in this way, then he, receiving their blessing in return, will be able to achieve a lot in life. You will not find these things in modern textbooks on psychology, as they affect subtle energies.
- This is a completely different view of the world, of life. Where to get such an education to be truly become a successful person?
Education is not in textbooks, it is in contact with a living bearer of real knowledge and culture. And these are not only the outstanding teachers we know, such as Amonashvili and Shchetinin. There are more and more real people in business and politics. Now unusual children are being born. Shalva Aleksandrovich Amonashvili calls them Children of the Light. Children who come with very high qualities of character. Often, they are in many ways ahead of their parents in intelligence, culture and inner purity. Special changes are taking place in the world and it is important to understand that the Universe itself will support a person who begins to act on the platform of the above described values.
He will receive the support of the Universe and will achieve a lot. I'll give an example. Look, there is a sailboat. The success of the movement of a sailboat depends on the strength of the wind. The strength of the wind is not related to the ability and education of the captain. If there is no wind and the sea is completely calm, then even if you graduate from ten universities, the sailboat will still stand, right? Now is a special time when the Universe itself initiates the appearance of such people. Therefore, any person who begins to make even the smallest efforts, based on a moral culture, thinking about the good of others, and not just about his fool, then he will receive the support of the entire Universe and will achieve very great success. Why? The wind of the Universe begins to blow in his sails.
- I think there are people who will not agree with you. They believe that such values as mutual assistance, kindness, love and care are the lot of flawed and failed people. How can you influence their opinion?
You know, you can argue as you like, but there are invisible laws of human life. I will give you an example with sowing. We can believe in our own strength, in the strength of the tractor, we can believe in the power of chemical fertilizers, but if we sow the field with seeds not in May, but in early September, then in mid-July, sorry, we won’t get any harvest and we won’t achieve success. I agree with you that now in textbooks and in general in the culture of modern business, politics, the so-called success, a lot is said about the strength of the person himself. That he only needs to focus on something, and he will achieve any result, but this is not so.
Imagine that a combine harvester who believes in himself and in his technology began to sow wheat in mid-July. Will he succeed? No. You and I must understand that there are also external factors of the energy of the World, the Universe, the Cosmos. Now is the time when the Universe begins to initiate completely different processes in society, in culture, in human life. A lot of people are starting to notice them and talk about it. The secret of real success lies elsewhere. The captain will be successful when he understands how the wind blows, and by applying his skills will set the sails in accordance with the strength of the wind. Anyone who wants to succeed today must feel the special order of time.
- In the context of this conversation, do you consider yourself a successful person?
For me, success is not an achievement, but a path on which I do not exchange money and am in harmony with myself, with my inner values. This is a path where I don't act alone. This is the path where my loved ones are. They are truly dear to me, I feel the mood of their hearts. This is the path where there is friendship. I am surrounded by people who share with me the values, beliefs, live the same ideals as I do. This is a path where I truly benefit other people, and not achieve something that is important to me. All of these parameters are present in my life to one degree or another. I think that in this sense I am a successful person!
- To live in accordance with your destiny, bringing good to people, love, support, care, is this success?
For me, yes! There are objective parameters of success. True success should make us happy people. Success should also make other people around me happy. Real success lies in the fact that I bring good to the world, to people, I realize those talents, that nature that God gave me.
- Oleg Georgievich, what would you like to wish our readers of Useful Newspaper?
I would like to wish you to dream of living a useful life, which we have tried to describe here.
Interview of Oleg Gadetsky to the Useful Newspaper, Tyumen, September 2017.
Success begins with a new life or a new perception of life. How to make room for success in your old (unsuccessful) life? The most important secret, from which success begins, is to replace the word “should” with the word “want”. How to replace coercion with desire? Step by step actions.
We take a pen. We write: "How Success Begins"
- What does “To be a successful person” mean to me (Glory, Prosperity, Declaration of Love, Achievements) — What exactly?
- Why am I worthy of success (I work hard, I am inventive, I have good goals) - Why really?
- All my shortcomings are my virtues (Stubbornness - Perseverance, Pride - Respect for Dignity, etc.) - look at your shortcomings as positive character traits.
- Write 10 sentences that begin with the word "I want"
- Describe lifestyles positively. What is good in your life now?
Where to start your success in life - 10 rules for success in life
- Positive always! Focus on the good things. Start the day positively. Relax, think positive.
- Confidence is your second nature! Trust your decisions. Success accompanies confident natures. Know your goals are achievable!
- Hang out with optimistic people. Express positive views. Life will surely smile at you.
- Respect the time! Respect your own life and that of others. Do more pleasant things.
- Find time for yourself. Every day a few minutes of solitude, relaxing exercises (baths), walks. Knowing yourself, you will know the world.
- A soul without a body is nothing! Take care of your body. Proper nutrition is the health of the body. If food does not become medicine, medicine will become food! In a healthy body - a healthy soul (spirit). Physical activity is a gift to the body. Without movement there is no life, no beauty.
- Plan boldly. Let this be your hobby. Learn to dream! Without a dream, there is no goal. Without a goal, there is nothing to strive for, there is no plan of action.
- Failure does not exist, there is knowledge of experience. Life is a game! Deal with failures playfully.
- Don't be afraid of change! Any change is the starting point of something new.
- Love novelty, don't let your brain get rusty! Look for interesting knowledge. Get new skills.
Where does success begin? From ordinary law to a cheerful psychological climate. With anticipation of an unusual amazing life, a joyful event, a romantic date. Success is so much and so significant for the life of every person.
I will give you one very important tool that will point you in the right direction, show that your failures do not come from the fact that the principles and chips that you tried to implement in your life do not work, but from the fact that you use them incorrectly and out of time .
I hope I managed to intrigue you, it's time to move on to the essence of today's article. So let's go :)
Have you ever interacted with successful people? Ask them questions about how they manage to keep up with everything and work so effectively?
If you had to, then you probably often heard something like “yes, it’s quite simple”, “I take it and do it, there are no secrets here”, or “yes, somehow everything turns out by itself”, etc.
Basically, I agree with this. Everything is done quite easily, any goals are achievable. On the other hand, ask the athlete how he runs so fast or lifts so much? Ask an Indian from the jungle how he knows so much about the local fauna and flora? Or ask a woodworker how such beauty is obtained from ordinary hemp?
In many cases, the answer will be something like: "it's just ...". Oh really?! So why doesn't everyone get it all right off the bat?
The thing is that if you start to be seriously interested in any topic, you will immediately find a whole bunch of nuances, difficulties, chips, without which nothing will come of it. This is the "secret" of mastery. Like it or not, you still have to start training from the very bottom, from scratch. First you need to master the base, then impose more complex or, say, more narrowly focused things on it.
It is not difficult to guess that the science of success is no exception. Before introducing some tricky techniques, using highly specialized chips and cultivating certain habits, you need to master the basics. She needs as much knowledge of the alphabet as she needs to read.
What will be the base in the context of the psychology of achievements?
And the base here will be the knowledge of our subconscious, the understanding of the processes taking place in it.
I will tell you a secret: many things that you and I do are determined precisely at the subconscious level, many decisions are also made on the basis of our subconscious. And such a thing as the "sixth sense" in general is entirely based on the subconscious, or rather, on the accumulated experience, which is analyzed without our conscious participation in this process.
Well, with what, in my opinion, is the basis of success, we figured it out. Now you can go directly to the practical part.
And the practical part today is represented by Professor Andre Kukla.
Andre Kukla Professor Emeritus in the Department of Psychology at the University of Toronto.
He received a bachelor's degree in mathematics in 1962, a master's degree in philosophy in 1965, and a doctorate in psychology in 1970.
Andre Kukla's scientific interests include: philosophy of science, philosophy of consciousness, theoretical psychology.
Andre's most important works include "Mental Traps", "Observation", "Methods of Theoretical Psychology", "Mysticism and Social Epistemology", "On the Perspectives of the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence".
Here is a small excerpt from his book. “Mental traps. Stupid things that reasonable people do to ruin their lives".
Chapter 1
mental traps- these are well-established and familiar paths along which our thought moves painfully and to no avail, burning incredible amounts of our time, draining energy and creating no value either for ourselves or for anyone else.
Word value here and later in the book we name everything that is significant and worthwhile for us. This book is not a treatise on morality. It does not call for work instead of rest or social activity instead of satisfying one's own desires. If we enjoy watching TV all day, then such an activity is not regarded as a waste of time. So, watching TV is a value for us.
There is, however, no escape from the fact that we often tire ourselves out by strenuous pursuit of something that in no way contributes to the realization of our own values, whatever they may be. These useless strivings are mental traps. Such traps prevent us from enjoying the TV show in the same way that they prevent us from working seriously. They are nothing but an absolute waste of time.
Mental traps are not related to the content of our thoughts and ideas, they lie in their form. Every aspect of our daily lives—housework, weekend getaways, careers, relationships with others—can be thought about productively or unproductively. We fall into the same traps whether we are washing dishes or contemplating marriage or divorce. The difference lies not in the subject of our thoughts, but in the approach to the subject. If we get rid of even one of these traps, we will find that our problems in all areas of our lives have become less complex at the same time. We build unproductive thought patterns on all sorts of timescales. You can fall into the same mental trap for a minute or two, or you can for a lifetime. And such fleeting traps are no less dangerous than lifelong ones. Minutes of wasted energy and time, precisely because of their transience, are especially difficult to recognize and correct. We leave them behind before we realize what really happened. As a result, we fall into such traps with frightening regularity and frequency. I doubt that the average adult city dweller of the 21st century is free from them for more than a few minutes at a time. And by the end of the day, the cumulative effect of these short episodes can cause exhaustion that is completely incomprehensible to us.
The main idea behind the concept of mental traps was expressively and succinctly formulated several millennia ago:
There is a time for everything, and a time for every thing under heaven.
Bible, Ecclesiastes, ch. 3:1. — Prim, trans.
If we neglect this profoundly wise advice (starting at the wrong moment, moving at the wrong pace, quitting too early or too late), we inevitably fail where we could have achieved our goal.
I repeat: there is no attempt here to prescribe to you the content of your activity. There is a time for everything. Both enjoying good food and perseveringly climbing the ladder of success can be a legitimate part of our lives. But if we try to deal with the problems of our career at dinner, we only interfere with normal digestion. Besides, we are unlikely to help our career by passing the salt shaker and sipping soup. This means that neither of these two values of ours receives due attention. With the same values, we could make immeasurably better use of our time and effort.
Our chronic inability to do the right thing at the right time and in the best possible way becomes a pronounced pattern. This is the essence of the mental trap.
But if mental traps are so harmful to us, why do we fall into them all the time? Why not just get rid of them? There are three reasons for this. First, we are often unaware of what we are thinking. Secondly, even if we were aware of the content of our thoughts, we often do not understand their harmful nature. Third, even if we recognize their harm, we often cannot stop out of habit.
If the thoughts that have trapped us remain below the threshold of consciousness, then we have no chance to influence them. Obviously, we can't stop doing something we have no idea about. If we do not know what we are wearing, it will not occur to us to take off our clothes even when we are very hot. In the same way, if we do not know that we are immersed in counterproductive thoughts, we have no way to stop this process.
The idea that we may not be aware of our own thoughts may seem paradoxical, since we are accustomed to equating consciousness and thinking as such. But the two processes are by no means identical. We can be astonishingly aware of the taste of an exotic fruit or the feeling of orgasm without a single thought. And we can be immersed in a torrent of ideas without noticing any of them. The mental experiment, which will be discussed below, will convince us of the validity of this important remark.
When we are not engaged in any particular business or entertainment, our thoughts often jump from one subject to another, clinging to the most insignificant associations. You can confirm this experimentally only by catching yourself red-handed in the process of such a wandering. For those who have difficulty falling asleep, time spent in bed without sleep is especially rich in such material. So, once we catch ourselves in such a wandering, we can do a retrospective reconstruction of the sequence of our thoughts that led us to where we ended up. If we thought about the beauties of Paris, then we will probably remember that we were led to this by the thought of an acquaintance who had just returned from there. And the idea of a friend could have come from a sudden memory that this person owes us money, which in turn could have been triggered by our thinking about our own financial problems, provoked by the idea that we would like to get a new car.
In this experiment, it should by no means be decided in advance that right now we are reconstructing the course of our thoughts over the past few minutes. We must wait for the moment when we take ourselves by surprise. When it does so, one is left wondering at the twists and turns of our flow of thoughts and ideas. Without active reconstruction, we would never have suspected that our idea of Paris came from a desire to buy a new car! Our very surprise perfectly demonstrates the essence of the problem. If we were aware of the content of our thoughts, we would hardly be surprised. Our thinking has become unconscious. It seems that the process of thinking is no more dependent on our conscious attention than the process of walking depends on the conscious control of the position of the arms and legs.
Mental traps often remain below the threshold of consciousness in this way. We fall into them automatically, without making any conscious decisions. And to get rid of them, you first need to learn to recognize them. This book provides the materials needed to master this art. It is a naturalist's guide to a kind of mental flora, giving distinct characteristics of its various representatives, and giving vivid illustrative examples. This is a guide to identifying mental traps.
Learning to recognize and identify traps is the first step. But detection and identification alone will not put an end to them. We must be convinced that they are useless and even harmful. And this is not always obvious. Moreover, mental traps often appear to us as necessary activities, without which our lives would become chaotic and unsafe. Some traps are even sung in well-known sayings and proverbs. We cannot fight them until we are firmly convinced that they are harmful.
Any decent naturalist's guide contains practical information of this kind. What is the point of learning to recognize the pale grebe if we have not been told that it is poisonous? Therefore, in our handbook, various tips for identifying mental traps are supplemented by an analysis of their harmful effects.
Having learned to recognize the traps and making sure that getting rid of them will only benefit us, we find ourselves in the face of a banal bad habit. At this stage, the person is like a smoker who has taken seriously the warning from the Ministry of Health printed on a pack of cigarettes. However, as every smoker knows, the real battle has just begun from now on. In the war on mental traps, as in the war on smoking, decisions are made, broken, and re-made. Some people manage to break a bad habit, and some do not. Many will at least want to keep it to a minimum. The last chapter of our book contains advice on strategy in the battle against mental traps.
Naturalists, in order to find the subject of their scientific interests, must go into the forest. Mental trap hunters will find their prey in the midst of everyday life. It is in the most mundane activities—shopping, checking expenses, making appointments, answering the phone, washing up in the morning, chatting with friends—that we learn the most about mental traps. When the stakes are high, we get too fixated on the end result and are unlikely to be able to observe ourselves with an open mind. But in situations where our activities are more or less mundane, we have enough mental freedom to look at our actions and dare to try new approaches.
When we begin to study ourselves in this way, we will notice with surprise that this activity, in addition to the opportunity to know ourselves better, also yields other - unexpected - fruits. Everyday life suddenly becomes unusual and entertaining. A phone call in the midst of stressful activities is perceived not as an annoying factor, but as material for studying the effect of external interference. Being late for a movie show will give us a chance to explore the nature of small disappointments. Washing dishes is an arena in which we can watch the play of various psychological forces, in fact, the same forces that compete within us at the decisive moments of our lives. Were it not for these little trials and failures, we would never know anything about ourselves. And we begin to enjoy the emerging problems as an unexpected ally, and our reactions to them become very entertaining for us. Thus, everyday life turns into an endless adventure. After all, what is an adventure if not a challenge to all problems?
It is time to start exploring our inner landscape. No need to rush and try to change everything at once. With serious measures, it is worth waiting until we find solid ground in this unfamiliar territory. In the meantime, we will enjoy what we have discovered and seen. After all, beauty can be seen even in a pale toadstool.
Chapter 2
The first trap perseverance is a continuation of work on something that has already lost its value. Once upon a time, the business really meant something to us - otherwise we would not have taken it at all. But its significance and meaning evaporated before we got to the end. And we continue and continue - either because we did not notice this change, or simply by inertia.
With great enthusiasm we sit down for a game of Monopoly - who hasn't this happened to? — and begin to experience boredom long before its end. But instead of quitting, we continue: without any pleasure, just "to somehow reach the end." A perfect example of a waste of time.
Someone asks us to recall the name of an actor in an episodic role from an average movie of the forties. The name is on our tongue, but we can't remember it. Meanwhile, the person who asked the question had already disappeared. However, the problem did not disappear with it. She tortures us for the rest of the day. At first, our goal was to answer someone's question. But now that goal is gone. Even the death of that other person will not free us from the burden we have taken upon ourselves.
We start watching a TV show and soon we are convinced that this is a terrible drag. However, we continue to watch according to the principle “I will die, but I will finish it to the end”, while not stopping complaining about how stupid and mediocre everything that happens on the TV screen is.
Without much thought, we begin to sing "One Hundred Bottles of Beer"*. Having reached the eighty-fifth bottle, we feel that we are already sick of this stupid idea. But we don't give up. Instead, we sing faster and faster to cum as soon as possible.
(* And Hundred Bottles of Beer on the Wall is a song that has long been sung in chorus on camping trips, around a campfire and at friendly parties. First it is sung that there were 100 bottles of beer on the shelf, then 99, 98 and so on, to the very last bottle.
In a political discussion we have thought up an effective but very lengthy refutation of our opponent's views. In the middle of our monologue, the opponent declares that we managed to convince him. Extra words are now clearly useless. However, we stubbornly continue to state our arguments, bringing them to a conclusion no longer needed by anyone.
The senselessness of such activities does not reach us.
All these activities become mental traps because they continue without any connection to our needs or interests. As a rule, we do not give any pleasure to bring them to a "victorious" end. On the contrary, a protracted game of Monopoly, an attempt to recall some meaningless information or a mediocre TV show are perceived by us as irritants. We can't wait to get them over with, and we're really relieved when they finally end. If there was a pill that we could swallow to forget the damn question about the minor actor, we would gladly swallow it. Not a bad puzzle for people who hedonistically claim that we always behave in such a way as to get maximum pleasure.
Of course, we can persist, while striving not for pleasure, but for protecting some other values. For example, we bring to the end a boring game of Monopoly so as not to upset the child. Or we watch a dull TV show to the end because we have to write a review on it. We can sing a stupid song to the last bottle of beer as an exercise in patience. Persistence without joy is not always the same as the trap of perseverance. But most viewers of boring TV shows are not critics at all, and most of the people who sing "One Hundred Bottles of Beer" are not engaged in tempering the spirit. They do not achieve anything - and do not get any pleasure.
Unbelievable but true: our culture regards perseverance as a virtue. We boast that, having once taken a set course, we go to the end by all means. We teach our children that quitting halfway through is a sign of weakness and even immorality. Of course, our affairs as a whole benefit greatly from the ability to persevere in spite of circumstances. However, to say that this ability should be used always and in all situations is overkill. It is useful to distinguish between "perseverance" and "persistence." We can persevere in pursuit of a goal, regardless of obstacles in our path. But we persist if we continue to trudge in a direction where, as we ourselves know, only a dead end awaits us.
The moral obligation to finish everything once begun sits deep in us. It is difficult for us to drop even a clearly meaningless occupation halfway. The very fact that we started something already seems to bind us to the outcome of the case, regardless of whether the reasons for our activity persist. We act as if we are bound by some kind of promise—a promise made not to anyone else but to ourselves.
We start watching a TV show for the sole purpose of having fun. But almost immediately, another motive comes into play: an inner need to finish what has been started. As long as the transmission really entertains us, this need is practically not felt. It pushes us in the direction in which we are already moving. But as soon as we lose interest in transmission, this effect becomes apparent. If entertainment were our only motive, we would have already turned off the TV. But the second motive — to finish what we started just because it was started — makes us persist.
Newton's first law states that a moving body will continue to move in a given direction until its inertia is overcome by other forces. It seems that we also obey the law of mental inertia. Having started to do something, we continue to move in the same psychological direction until we reach the end. As in the case of physical inertia, this momentum can be overcome by other factors. Not every game of Monopoly plays out to the end. An earthquake, a flood, or an overflowing bladder can make even the most stubborn stop. Even ordinary boredom can be strong enough for us to give up a meaningless activity. But the boredom should be a little more than usual, the emergency situation a little more unsettling, and the bladder a little more full. Inertia systematically tilts the scales in the direction of continuing the process, whether it makes sense or not. And as a result, we make the decision to quit a little later than we should.
To start some even very significant business, sometimes a moment of determination is enough. However, having started, we can no longer simply cancel what we started with the same momentary effort of will. We've lost the off button. on our board.
Sometimes we try to justify our persistence by saying that we don't want to waste the time and energy already invested. If we quit the game now, our previous efforts to win the game will be in vain. This kind of reasoning helps to understand why we continue to persist in reaching the end, the more we go further. If we have made only a few moves in a boring game, the effort we have invested is so small that we can write it off without much regret. But after several hours of a dull and dreary game, it already seems shameful to us not to endure a little more and not bring it to the end. After all, efforts will be thrown to the wind!
Of course, this is a false argument. Joylessly spent hours are already thrown to the wind. They cannot be restored by the fact that the game will still be brought to the end. It's time to stop the flow of losses and put an end to this matter. Paradoxically, it is precisely the instinct to conserve energy that leads us to even greater losses.
An absurd reluctance to give up meaningless activities and things can even lead us to do something that doesn't make sense to begin with. We buy things we absolutely don't need just because we can't miss out on a giveaway. We eat without feeling the slightest hunger, just so as not to throw away food. We collect all sorts of junk from someone's attic. Such a trap is the closest relative of perseverance. This is not the situation when, in the middle of the way, our activity suddenly lost its former meaning. In this case, what we are doing had no value from the very beginning. In the interests of clarity of formulation, we will consider such a situation as a special case of the same trap. In the case of such momentary persistence, it is recommended to quit our activity as soon as we started it.
Boring games, mediocre TV shows, and sales of things we don't need have one happy thing: sooner or later they run out. However, not all classes can end on their own. A job, marriage, or habit can last forever. When a situation of indeterminate duration loses its value, we run the risk of being perpetually stubborn. And the passage of time by itself will not get us out of this trap. We're playing a game of Monopoly that never ends.
We can persist forever in relationships that are irrevocably damaged; clinging to work that does not give satisfaction in the present and does not allow you to have hopes for the future; indulging in old hobbies that no longer give any pleasure; doing everyday things that only overload and limit our lives. We are on such a hopeless course, sometimes simply because it does not occur to us to reconsider our goals. After all, we've lived with it all for so long - with this person, at this job, in this house and this neighborhood, dressing in this style we are accustomed to, doing these dietary and hygiene rituals in this once-routine routine... we do not even think that everything could be different. Our dim and tired being is perceived by us as a kind of obligatory condition imposed on us by fate - as the shape of our head. Whether we like it or not, it's what it is. If we were to stop and ask ourselves if we want to continue on the same course, the answer could be crystal clear. Why, any uncertainty about the future would be better than doing this eight hours a day, five days a week, fifty weeks a year - until death! But we do not always ask ourselves this question. We whine and complain, but we take the status quo for granted. That is why we persist in doing the same things to maintain the status quo. And since the opportunity to quit does not arise in our minds by itself, the only alternative is to somehow “complete” this whole drag, like a tired Monopoly party. Alas, this tired party is our life.
The reluctance to end an unpleasant situation may also stem from the belief that the alternatives are even worse. Maybe we'll starve to death if we quit our jobs. In our assessment of the situation, we may be right or wrong. But in any case, this reason to stay on the same course does not apply to mental traps. It is simply the best choice we make based on our understanding of the situation. But be careful: such an argument is easy to use to justify ordinary inertia. Sometimes we just cannot change, although everything says - no, it screams! — about what we should do. We feel compelled to stay on course, just as we feel compelled to end the Monopoly game. As long as we are aware of this dilemma, there is hope that we will be able to break out of this impasse. But if we "rationally" explained our situation as the lesser of two evils, we can be put an end to.
It is especially easy to slip into the perpetual variant of negative persistence. Here our perseverance defends the right not to do something. which could be worthwhile and useful. We do not open up in close relationships, because once they turned out to be a disaster for us. We never eat olives, because twenty years ago we tasted one and immediately spit it out. We stay away from math problems because we were bad at math in school.
Not doing something is a program that has no end. We will never stop turning up our noses at olives. Such habits of avoidance tend to persist forever. Moreover, it is these habits that persist. It's easy enough to see when we should stop doing something - like eating the same tasteless oatmeal every morning. To do this, it is enough to listen to your own feelings. But how do we know it's time to stop not doing something, like stop shying away from olives? Perhaps now we would like them - if only we tried them? However, as long as we persist in our negativism, nothing in our experience will tell us that it is worth doing it.
Negative persistence is a mental structure that underlies many phobias. Having once experienced unpleasant feelings in a large crowd, on a trip along a mountain road, while performing in front of an audience, we always try to avoid such stresses. But our first unfortunate experience may have been the result of a unique set of circumstances. Other crowds, other roads, other audiences - and even the same ones, but on a different day - might not affect us in any way. But since we now avoid all such situations, we have no way of finding out whether this is true or not. And of course, the problem is further complicated by the fact that our expectation of a panic attack works like a self-fulfilling prophecy. But that's another trap.
If we abstain from something, how do we know that the value of that something has changed for us? The only answer is not to cross something out for the rest of your life. From time to time, it is helpful to take a look at what we have excluded from our lives because it was tasteless, painful or difficult. Our tastes, courage, abilities, luck, and the world itself can change without our knowledge. Once a year, try to bite into an olive or crawl out of a shell in a relationship with another person - as a result, this can give unexpected and joyful results ... "
2nd mental trap: Amplification is the trap we fall into when we put in more effort than we need to achieve a goal, as if we were trying to kill a fly with a sledgehammer.
3rd mental trap: Fixation– being in this trap, we cannot continue the work we have begun until we wait for a phone call, permission, shipment of raw materials, inspiration.
4th mental trap: Reversion Sometimes it becomes obvious that our plans have clearly failed. Game over, we lost. But if at this stage we continue to worry about the same problem, then we are trapped in the reversion
5th mental trap: Advance is a trap we fall into by starting too early.
6th mental trap: resistance- sometimes it happens that we are required to change the course of our actions - even if we are already doing something quite useful or enjoyable. There comes a time when you need to switch your attention. But if at this point in time and space we continue to stubbornly cling to our former occupations, then we fall into the trap of resistance.
7th mental trap: tightening We have definitely decided on some business, but it is difficult for us to start it. Our mind simply refuses to get straight to the point.
8th mental trap: Separation- we try to do two things at the same time, and when it is our turn to speak out, the fine structure of our thoughts crumbles to dust. When we return to our problem, we have to reconstruct the path already traveled by thought in order to get back to the previous result.
9th mental trap: Acceleration is a trap that we fall into when we do something with more speed than necessary, and make mistake after mistake.
10th mental trap: Regulation- we fool ourselves with things that we don’t need to think about at all.
11th mental trap: Formulation is the trap of constantly speaking our thoughts about what seems to us true.
I hope I managed to convince you how important it is to understand the deep processes that take place in each of us in the head; what a huge impact they have on our whole life as a whole.
Here I specifically give you an abridged version of the book. So I have already violated copyrights, but I believe that this will benefit the author because those who find this topic interesting will definitely purchase the full version of this masterpiece. Moreover, it costs a penny, but benefits millions.
Of course, I didn’t manage to give you the entire base in this article, because this topic is quite extensive and takes up a lot of space and time, and boring you is not in my plans :)
The foundation of any success is a decision. First, an inspiring idea or dream appears, and then ... Then the dream can change or simply be forgotten. What did we not only dream about in childhood? Success begins where a dream grows into a firm decision. This is the biggest secret to success!
Dreams decorate our life and make it brighter, but our life is the result of decisions, not dreams. Since decisions are followed by actions, namely, the life of any person consists of actions. A dream without a decision and subsequent actions will remain a dream. Maybe someone else will turn it into a success.
Forward to success!
Every achievement, big or small, begins with the first step that follows immediately after a decision is made. And this first step will begin to change your life. At first imperceptibly, and then more and more. Success is not winning the lottery or inheriting from a rich grandma. Achieving success requires a process of sequential actions, just the steps that we talked about above.
Why is it so important to make a decision? You can think, weigh, discuss ... And only then make this notorious decision. The point is that not making a decision is your decision. The decision to abandon dreams and success.
Do you know how many people have had a dream, and how many have remained just a dream? And why? What separates a dream from success? Only solution!
The fear of making the wrong decision leads to the fact that the right one will never be made. Fate is not an accident, but a choice. All my life I have been aiming at a target and being afraid to shoot an arrow - what if I miss? Well, you'll miss! Shoot a second arrow, then a third. Learn to shoot and you're sure to hit.
All people make mistakes and it is impossible to learn how to make the right decisions if you do not learn how to simply make decisions. The right decision requires knowledge and experience, and making a decision requires only will. It seems that it is so simple, but how many people have not been able to overcome their fear. The most interesting thing is that they cannot even explain the reason for their indecision. They are afraid to say “yes” to themselves, to say “yes” to their success and their dreams.
There is something to think about. If you want success, the first thing you must learn to do is make decisions. Without this, the dream will not turn into success for sure.
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