New year statuses are beautiful. Statuses with meaning. New beautiful statuses

• I study and work - I combine unpleasant and useless!
• I'll take out the brain, drink blood, shake the nerves, unbalance. In short, I will free your body from excess load!
• Nothing invigorates in the morning like a phone that slipped out of your hands and fell on your face at the moment when you rearrange the alarm clock for another 5 minutes.
• A husband without a wife is like an oak tree without a woodpecker.
• Excellent students! Always let's write off your C students! And then, perhaps years later, they will hire you!

• The help of a psychologist is, of course, good! But just yelling obscenities is much cheaper.
• It's good to be a sock. You lie to yourself somewhere, they are always looking for you, no one goes anywhere without you. Plus, you have the second half. Bliss.
• Everything that is not done before 30. Must be done after!
• If you are considered a camel, spit on everyone!
• Some have cute dimples on their cheeks, some have a sexy mole above their lip. And I have amazing bags under my eyes.

• The former asked to give him farewell sex. I had to remind him that the best gift is a gift made with his own hands.
• The water cycle in nature is when you wash your car, the water evaporates from it, turns into a cloud and the next day, bitch, it rains!
• If you're nervous, pull yourself together... or give it to the good ones!
• As established by Russian scientists, fasting helps not only to normalize weight, but also to pay off the mortgage.
• I am one of those people who will post their photo, look at it for two minutes, find all the flaws and delete it to hell.

• That we are all about me, yes about me. Let's talk about you! How do you like me?
• You can't tell a boring person that he is boring, otherwise he will start to figure out why, and this is so boring.
• If you don't take a picture of yourself, no one will take a picture.
• Dear Money!!! I miss you very much. I promise to buy you a new wallet. If you want, you can invite your relatives from Europe or America. I will not object - I will accept everyone !!!
• I have a cat like a hachiko. And also zhratiko, sratiko and ssatiko, spatiko, oratico and at night sleep nedavatiko.

• So I'm wondering... they built the subway... they dug tunnels... but the earth dug out from there, where?
• EVERYONE CAN HURT A BOXER... BUT NOT EVERYONE WILL HAVE TO APOLOGIZE.
• - Dear, imagine ... you are standing, and around you are greenery, grandmas ... - I say again, I will not go to the dacha !!!
• Cocktail with mint leaves - mojito. And a cocktail with hemp leaves is a chihito.
• You said that the cat left the dyed hair on your bed, that she scratched your back through your clothes! Yes, I didn’t believe in it for a long time either, until the dog left me a hickey on my neck!

Perhaps the funniest statuses on the Status-Tut.ru website! When you want to amuse your friends, look at Statuses-Here and you will find funny statuses for classmates, in contact or for others social networks. The main thing is not to lose heart, because you can always find positive statuses, thanks to which you will cheer up others, and gray everyday life will suddenly sparkle with new colors. Our most funny statuses they will help to make any princess Nesmeyana laugh, and now she is already laughing with you, and together you are reading hilarious statuses for classmates on Status-Tut.ru! This is not surprising, because laughter, jokes, a positive and cheerful attitude prolong life, help maintain good relationships and make it easier to look at the world. Our most hilarious statuses about everything and everyone will give you the opportunity to stand out from the crowd of gloomy and dissatisfied Internet users. Funny quotes and sayings are sure to cheer up everyone who is lucky enough to see them. The funniest statuses are here! Let's find the status together!

Selected funny statuses!

For us funny statuses do not imply a frivolous approach, as we carefully monitor the quality of our content. Funny statuses will surely please your friends and cheer you up. Positive quotes as a status will reflect your positive attitude in life and will please everyone who sees them. In any situation, the main thing is to always think positively, and even if your day doesn’t work out in the morning, come to us and read our carbon monoxide statuses and you yourself will not notice how the situation will change in your favor. Everyone knows that life, it's like a zebra - today the stripe is white, and tomorrow it's already black. Let pessimists think so, but we are optimists, because our very funny statuses are on our pages in classmates and in contact!

The funniest statuses!

Your significant other wants to meet New Year on the seashore, and that the heat is +30? Our humorous statuses will help you take your companion's thoughts in a different direction. Parents tormented by talking about the dacha and already in December they are buying seeds? Our funny statuses about spring will help you, cheer them up. You can judge a person by their sense of humor. You do not want your friends to consider you a fan of Petrosyan or the Ponomarenko brothers? Then our statuses with humor will help you. And let them just say that Ivan Urgan is just handsome, now he has serious competition in your face.

Funny statuses are here!

So, the matter is small: we go to the appropriate section of the site, find carbon monoxide statuses and place them on our site. Just a few minutes of pleasant work, and a witty quote on your page. And the fact that the work of finding funny statuses is really pleasant can not even be disputed. After all, along the way, you will definitely look through more than a dozen cool quotes that will certainly delight you with excellent humor and charge you with excellent mood. Positive people are very fond of funny statuses. Because funny statuses are a very simple, but incredibly effective way to cheer up everyone around you. It's so easy to pick up a funny quote and place it as a status on your page. Everyone who visits your page will certainly pay attention to your status and at least smile. But this is already a lot! That is why funny statuses are so popular. It would seem that one or two lines of text, and the mood is already in the black. This is the whole essence and meaning of funny sayings and sayings.

You can't tell a boring person that he is boring, otherwise he will start to figure out why, and this is so boring.

I have a cat like a hachiko. And also zhratiko, sratiko and ssatiko, spatiko, oratico and at night sleep nedavatiko.

There is an opinion that cats and training are incompatible concepts. Nothing like that, my cat trained me in a couple of days.

Hello, my name is Slavik. - Very nice! - It's not for long.

It seems to me that in the status: “I want to understand a woman”, the word “understand” is superfluous.

I immediately realized that nothing would work out with him when I ordered cognac in a cafe, and he ordered ice cream ...

We live once! Yes, even that is not enough. And not so... And not there... And not then...

Tap water cannot be drunk - it is dirty, and fruits and vegetables must be washed with tap water - they will be clean.

If you think about it carefully, then the two main symbols of Russia, the nesting doll and the bottle of vodka, are essentially the same thing. You open one, and then - the second, third, fourth ...

There is no enemy worse than an ally - dolbo..b.

When they say to you: “You are the best!” - you understand that somewhere there was a comparison.

Absolutely good - this is not when you feel very good, but when there is no one around who is even better.

They say it's bad luck if a black cat crosses the road. In the meantime, on the contrary: tejerep Ugorod current yynrech ilse, tezevop en, tyarovog.

It's hard to be kind. Constantly angry at those who are not kind.

Don't let your tongue write a check your ass can't pay for....

She returned, didn’t get laid ... Oh, not like that ... Aaaaaaa, I remembered: She appeared, she didn’t get dusty!

At night, in the refrigerator, Dobry juice hugs other products.

Do you know what really hurts? This is when you lie on the couch, talk on the phone, put your feet up on the wall, and at some point a slipper falls from your foot and right in your eye!

Announcement: Cute bounty is looking for a nice snickers for a regular twix

We all live happily, because some receive a ridiculous salary, while others, laughing, pay it.

Both before and now, people often worked hard for free and on weekends. Such work was called - "for that guy." Only earlier, “that” guy died at the front, and now he is sitting in a Mercedes.

Our life is permanent choice: to whom to entrust your ring finger, and to whom the middle.

Those who do not know how to steal are sitting in prisons. Those who know how - sit in the offices.

Sometimes you look at a person and realize that he is an asshole. And it happens even worse: you look at a person and you don’t understand that he is an asshole.

Each accident has a surname, name, patronymic.

God, give me strength, patience, and just in case, 1 million dollars.

Do not judge a woman by kilograms, but you will not be judged by centimeters!

Goats and sheep are completely different people!

I'm so illogical that stump, table, thirty-four.

I asked the ash tree what in itself is nothing to itself.

I can’t find the end of the tape, probably the female got caught

While the brain is thinking, the ass has already made a decision!

I so want to cuddle up to someone ... put my lips to my ear and whisper ... GIVE MONEY ...

The worst thing about doing nothing is that you can’t drop everything and go to rest!

She would like to live OTHERWISE, to wear a precious outfit ... But the horses keep galloping and galloping. And the huts are burning and burning.

The left hand is the one with the thumb on the right

Artificial intelligence is bullshit compared to natural stupidity.

Talking to a stranger is more interesting. People you know already know you're an idiot.

Not to be confused, the grandmother named one kitten Barsik, and drowned the second one.

If you want to be right, don't run left; if you want to be first, don't sleep at the wheel. And if you want a queen nearby, first try to become a king yourself.

Evening news always begins with the words "Good evening!", And then the story begins - why this is not so.

A song is when words are put to music, pop is when they put both music and words.

They used to say: “Fuck you!”, And now: “I don’t promise 100%, but I’ll try ...”

It is necessary to be 1st in everything, always have a 2nd half, never be 3rd superfluous, have your own 4 corners so that everything in life is 5, have a 6th sense and be in the 7th heaven from happiness…

The milkmaid, drawing water into the kettle, crumples the faucet out of habit.

According to scientists, 60% of people simulated evolution.

For lovers, as for birds, not only a nest is necessary, but also the sky. 12

Drink my love to the bottom, come to ecstasy in the love bed. You and I have the same fate - you are a sinner, I am a sinner too! 14

The cold also has its advantages. When you are cold, someone can hug you and you will freeze together) 22

Kiss me!.. kiss me with warm lips and cold cheek when it snows, snow on my hair, on your eyelashes.. And then kiss me =* 9

My beautiful spring is carried away somewhere in the past, and I will sigh, and I will be sad that only autumn brings rain ... 10

What did it fly by? - This is six months, they quickly fly by ... 18

Paranoia Level 1: Did I close the door to my apartment?
Paranoia Level 2: I closed the door. But can I trust myself? 22

In three thousand years, archaeologists will dig up a solarium and think that we roasted people. 16

Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. You can swing until the end of your life, but you won’t go far on it. 11

The Internet is a great thing. You can break into someone's life and break the fuck up there because you have a smartphone and a few minutes. 27

My advice: find someone you feel safe with. Being with someone just for love is not a big deal. 19

You either come into my life or get out of it. But do not stand, please, on the threshold - it's cold. 36

Sometimes you want to collect everything in a bundle and go into the fog. 18

Who takes - fills the palms, who gives - fills the heart. 20

Always like this. As soon as I, with great difficulty, put things in order in my Universe and start living in it, it explodes, again crumbling to smithereens. 15

I really have to go, I'm about to have my nervous breakdown. 15

People who sleep little and drink a lot of coffee often have the same nightmare. As if their own heart comes into their room and says: Is it okay that I don't knock? 13

Don't expect a book to accidentally fall into your hands that will open your eyes. Don't wait for someone to come along and change your life. It is better to look for yourself - otherwise it is possible, they are also waiting. 16

Sometimes it seems that life is difficult, but remember one thing: after every, even the darkest night, there comes a day. 16

Never say - surrender. Always repeat: I can. And I will keep trying until I win. 13

Why is simple human happiness always so fragile, quivering, anxious, why does it strive to disappear like water in sand, to dissolve like fog at the dawn of a new day?! 14

When a person hurts us, then most likely he himself is deeply unhappy. Happy people do not be rude in queues, do not swear in transport, do not gossip about colleagues. Happy people in another reality. It is of no use to them. 18

One day you will meet a young man. And in the end, he wants to find out everything. How you eat, how you dance, how you feel every moment of this day. What does your face look like without makeup. How you love chocolate, how crazy you can be from time to time, how some games, songs and shows make you happy. How you will act up to get something, how tired you are, how you complain about being overweight, how you think you look bad in all your photos. He will know everything about you. And you know what? He will still love you. 41

There are no ideal relationships. There is female wisdom not to notice male stupidity. There is a man's strength to forgive women's weaknesses. And ideality ... Leave it to the series. 21

Eat, pray, love and post it all on Instagram. -2

Life has given me a lot: I learned to lie so that I myself believe what I say. 28

If I meet my fate on the street, I will certainly stuff this reptile in the face. © max fry

Only a person with true feelings is capable of crazy deeds.

When a person tries to bring his virtues to their extreme limits, vices begin to surround him. © Blaise Pascal

I know perfectly well what time is until I think about it. But it's worth thinking about - and now I don't know what time is! © Avreliy Augustine

Baby, why are your eyes red? Have you been crying? - no dads, what are you doing? I just washed off my makeup

I will become a lake. I will lie and reflect the clouds. (Yu. Vizbor)

Autumn. it's so cool to wrap yourself in a warm blanket, sip your favorite cocktail and watch your thoughts.

If a person really wants something, then the whole Universe will help to ensure that his desire comes true.

Everything is like. I'm going to end.

Everyone who believes in his victory, sooner or later finds it.

Go your own way and the world will open doors for you, even through stone walls.

We like each other. We play by the hand. We kiss. But he has another. But I don't care. What's this? I still don't like it.

It is not worth running away from pain, it makes us stronger.

No one will feel good next to you, as long as you feel bad alone with yourself.

I miss love.

Stupidity has a light tread, without touching the ground, it walks over human heads and traps us in its nets when it pleases. © Homer

You know, when there are a lot of problems and everyone piles up in a heap, it's unbearable. But when you also sit in a depression and post a status here, and then they delete it for nothing. You understand that even on some site they don’t want to hear you.

I would fall asleep to your quiet gentle whisper in my ear and wake up in the playful gentle rays of the sun, with your taste on my lips, with your wonderful aroma. Strong coffee. And just forget about everything to be happy. © =)

Damn agreed to meet with the guy hoping that I will forget him. The guy is handsome, tall, and he liked me, and came home bursting into tears like a sick man, well, damn, I can’t forget him. Apparently he is not replaceable, but he has not needed me for a long time.

The most pleasant thing in life is to fall asleep with the thought that you mean something to him.)

You shouldn't belong to the majority, you shouldn't be a minority, you should be unique.

You need to love yourself, in no case scold or criticize. And without that, there will always be a thousand "well-wishers" who want to condemn.

Sometimes you just want to know what other people think.

The meaning of life is not easy to find. Now I create it myself.

Life changes and you don't stand still. Every minute that passes is another chance to change everything.

Better hit me with the truth, but never pity me with a lie.

Selfishness is not the worst quality of a person, but the ability to achieve something in life and survive in this world.

A nation that ignores the past will lose the present and destroy the future.

Time and tide never wait. © Walter Scott

It's so easy to close your eyes to things you don't want to see. If only you could close your eyes to people you don't want to feel.

It is better to be an object of envy than compassion.

The one who is worthy of your tears will never make you cry.

No matter how much time passes, only mother's love will never go out.

There are no irreplaceable people, but there are those who do not want to be replaced.

Tomorrow I will not put off anything for tomorrow!

Who is cruel is not a hero. © Peter I

In Moscow there were 50,000 of them (people with sexual pathologies, probable maniacs). It was 1977. © Alexandra Marinina

You can put on designer clothes, splash yourself with elite perfumes, but all this still will not fix the evil face and dull eyes.

When you ask people questions they don't know the answers to. They start laughing hysterically

Oh my God. Today I was walking home from school and met him. Long time no see. I thought I only liked him as a friend. But when you look at him, something squeezed very strongly the place where the stomach is. Damn it.

You can’t order your heart, the most idiotic phrase. If you can't order, then you're just a bad host. ©

This is how I study for my biology exam: overheated computer, red eyes, empty stomach, lots of traffic)

Roads that lead nowhere lead farthest. Georges Wolfrom

I have a dream, stupid and banal, just *I want to be able to read other people's minds*

Let's play mother and daughter, shall we? -No. Let's better in a bitch - love.

So many bazaars about the time machine and not a single damn thing invented it! How grateful I would be. *

In a relationship, the hardest thing for us is to trust you and forgive me.

Do you know why I like you? -No. - You smell good.

When you say yes to others, make sure you don't say no to yourself.

Eeeee. Let's break everything with our mind power!