What to say to a colleague who set me up. What to do if colleagues “set you up” in front of management? The path of least resistance: relationships with work colleagues vary

Work plays an important role in our life - for each his own. For some, it serves only as a means of making money, while for others it becomes a matter of a lifetime. If you are doing what you really love - you are a real lucky person! What could be better than an activity that helps you realize your potential and reveal all your talents? However, sometimes it happens that a fly in the ointment is found in a barrel of honey, which can spoil the enjoyment of the working process. An important component of life is society, and our mood often depends on the people around us. Unfortunately, it is very difficult to gather employees in one company, each of whom would have only positive qualities. This is especially true for large corporations with a large staff. The authorities have to make a difficult choice between character and professionalism, and most often the latter is preferred - while the manager can only turn a blind eye to the difficult character of a colleague. As a result, such colleagues use their position and do what they want. It is they who are able to spoil our lives in order, being the cause of daily spoiled mood and constant stress. How to teach a lesson to a work colleague who is annoying with his rudeness and arrogance? There are a few effective ways, which will help you put down an annoying employee.

If a colleague is a “thorn”

1. Try taking a picky co-worker out to lunch, and over a cup of coffee, calmly discuss the situation, talking face-to-face about the issue that concerns you. Directness and frankness on your part, coupled with a trusting attitude, in most cases is a very effective technique.
2. Reduce tense situations and skirmishes with a colleague to a joke, or even "poke fun" at him, showing that you are not offended by his attacks. Faced with your calmness and equanimity, he will understand that you are “too tough for him”, and he will quickly get bored with this business.
3. If the bully begins, among other things, to speak negatively about the work, listen to him to the end. Then, if you're lucky, you can turn that information against him.
4. If your colleague is smart and experienced, and finds fault with you on business, do not rush to bicker and argue. Take note of his opinion and think - maybe he only wants the best for you, but due to his persistent or even harsh nature, did you take the behavior of a colleague for aggression? This also often happens. Watch him, maybe he just has a peculiar "bully" manner of communication. In this case, you will have to get used to it. The main thing is not to create negativity in your relationship on your part. Be balanced and reasonable.

How to teach a whistleblower a lesson?

1. If your colleague is extremely hostile and tries to get you fired by denunciations to superiors, he clearly sees you as a competitor. This behavior needs to be rooted out. In order for the spiteful critic not to have a chance to “wash your bones” again and again, reduce communication with him to a minimum, or better be completely silent. No wonder they say that silence is golden. Discuss all personal matters outside the office, and at work, try to be as less talkative as possible. Don't give the slightest reason for gossip.
2. A good way to put a slanderer in his place or even get him demoted is a method of disinformation. Inform the scammer knowingly false information, and the more absurd they are, the better. When the authorities realize that they are trying to fool him, your ill-wisher will definitely be unhappy.
3. Do not try to repay a vile colleague with the “same coin” by complaining about him to the manager. It will not lead to anything good, moreover, it is likely that both of you will get a “cap”. Much more reasonable behavior in relation to the informer would be to ignore his antics.
4. Put the slanderer in an unfavorable light in front of the team - tell everyone about his behavior. Scammers are not favored, so perhaps this will discourage him from further doing this.
5. If you like to act decisively and boldly, use harsh, evil humor and irony. So you show the offender that he made a mistake with the choice of the “victim”.

How to behave with boors

1. Mocking and a condescending smile is the best option for dealing with boors. If you hear rudeness, condemnation, or even name-calling, deliberately confirm the words of the offender and repeat them in relation to yourself, only in an exaggerated form. The opponent will immediately feel hurt and powerless, and in an instant he will “go out”.
2. Treat your impudent colleague with emphatic affection and kindness, as if you were dealing with a patient in a psychiatric clinic. Agree with him in everything and speak in a deliberately sweet voice. Such a psychological "straitjacket" will instantly lay siege to a violent colleague.
3. Make an effort and try to overtake a colleague in career ladder by getting promoted. Then his rudeness will seem like baby talk to you, and you can simply “crush” him like a bug.

Ideally, you should maintain smooth and friendly relations with all employees in the team. However, this is not always possible. People are different, one of them treats you well, while the other can do harm. If you were set up at work, it is insulting and extremely unpleasant, but first of all, you need to minimize the consequences.

If you were set up at work, what to do?

You were framed - a conversation with the boss

The boss calls you to his office and defiantly puts before you a report with errors or a summary of real data that differs markedly from those indicated by you, and you understand that you don’t know where these papers came from, yesterday they looked like -other. It doesn't matter if you suspected that cunning colleagues were going to harm you, or if it really came as a surprise to you, be surprised. Throw up your hands and say that all this is a misunderstanding, the correct report is saved on your computer, and the accountant submitted other information yesterday - here is the paper, seal and signature. Don't yell about being set up and don't point your fingers at your co-workers. A smart leader will come to this conclusion himself. If he asks about your detractors, you can delicately speculate (which you yourself will be sure of) about who could have done this.

Don't give the names of people you suspect of setting you up unless you're sure of it. If you make a mistake, you will be ashamed

Work will not go to Fedot

You are not to blame for the fact that you were set up, but if you did not grab the ill-wisher by the hand, you still have to correct the mistakes. Try to do it as quickly as possible, without moaning about cunning colleagues and without complaining to clients and bosses. The people involved in this story will appreciate both your professionalism and personal qualities.

How to deal with the person who set you up

You may know who set you up, but it is not certain that the boss will decide to fire this person. It is likely that you will continue to work with him in the same company and even in the same office. Despite all your anger and resentment, don't fight. Best of all, do not pay any attention to the colleague who has sat you down - do not help him, do not communicate with him, do not offer to familiarize yourself with the new report form, let someone else do it, do not share sugar with him.

What to do if a colleague at work constantly tries to set you up?

you should not stir up a conflict, you need to try not to substitute, maneuver between all the dirty tricks that your colleague does.

Good day! I think that it is necessary to fight this undoubtedly, but in this case it is not worth making excuses, not complaining. To begin with, I would have talked with a colleague, having previously taken care to record the conversation on a dictaphone. I would speak directly and openly. That they say I know that you are trying in every possible way to set me up in front of the leadership, this is expressed in this and that, why you are doing this and what you are achieving, etc. etc. I would explain to the person that it is not very good to do this and that if there is at least one more such case, then I will be forced to talk to the management. Well, if it does not take action, then I would talk to the management. And again, right. About the fact that a person builds all sorts of intrigues, trying to constantly denigrate me, etc. I would let you listen to the dictaphone recording, if there would be something interesting. That this interferes with the workflow, creates a nervous environment, and if the management does not take action, I will be forced to look for another job. But you can talk about this about everything if you yourself are valued as an employee. Otherwise, the leadership will be up to the light bulb, as they say.

Lysinka, You need to decide on whose side you are - on your side or on the side of a colleague. You feel sorry for him, he is all in loans, take pity on yourself better. This person wants to walk over your head, don't give in. Delicately and tastefully show what it is. Open your boss's eyes. There were very interesting cases described above - from going on vacation to communicating with such people in an official manner, where you can always see when and what information was transmitted. You know, you can’t stand up for yourself with words, you need evidence. If you now put this person in his place, the team will look at you with respect and with caution, and no one will dare to climb up at your expense.

First, figure out the reasons. You should not quarrel with him, anything happens. But if everything was done deliberately, in order to compromise you in front of your boss, then you must, firstly, try to make sure that your work does not depend on him, and, secondly, communicate less with this person, while not letting him out. out of sight. Because the intrigues on his part can continue. Be on your guard.

Talk directly with a colleague, talk about this situation with management, in case of problems at work because of a colleague. And try in every possible way not to succumb to provocations, to be very attentive at work and not to be substituted yourself.

You need to make sure that he does not contact you anymore. Find his sore spot. It is not necessary for everyone to know about it. You have to make sure that only he understands. You can also substitute it, but you need to substitute it gracefully. Think.

Keep a distance from this colleague; do not trust him with anything, neither professional nor personal information; work so as not to get to the bottom; make friends with other colleagues

Ask your boss to delimit your duties, if possible, to outline the scope of work performed. If this cannot be done, then there is only one option - to talk face-to-face with a colleague, try to find a compromise, if it is not possible to find out and eliminate the cause of the set-up - then just try to work ahead of the competitor so that the set-up no longer affects the completed task. And explanations are not needed. The main thing for Bos is the result, but someone who set him up will not be interested

You just need to take it and put it on. Or try not to fall for his cunning ideas, and, over time, he himself will suffer from them.

I had one such colleague. Constantly tried to set me up in almost everything. For example, I could start making a report only when she gives me the data. She kept dragging it out all the time, giving incorrect information. And the authorities assured me that they handed everything over to me or was surprisedquot ; that they didn’t understand at all why I didn’t ask for this data. Trying to just talk to her was unsuccessful. Complaining is also pointless. It's just that I began to ask the non-information either in writing, through the reception, or by e-mail to keep track of the date and time. Well, she began to negotiate with her only in the presence of her superiors. Helped. Now she doesn't work for us.

Apparently, Providence sent you such a person to raise the level of your professional skills to such a level that no one, ever, could find fault with anything in your work.

If you are sure that you are right, then make his unfair nit-picking the property of the entire team.

Do not make excuses and do not complain - only openness and publicity.

Only concrete facts.

Let the collective know the true essence of this person.

If you want specific help - write in a personal, I will try to help with more specific advice.

Talk to your boss if you are on good terms with him and explain the whole situation, if this does not help, you need to act!!!

I had a case when one employee put me in a not very good light in front of the boss ... well, he joked, somehow hurt me. He shoved all his work to me. I'm tired of this!!! I decided to do something to get him fired!

When he was sitting on the Internet doing nothing, I mentioned this to the boss.

He didn't have a job. And when I went on vacation, without me, he could not do anything ... because. does not know the 1s program and he did not have it. In general, without me, he is zero.

The boss saw this and raised the question of dismissal. Karoch fired him! my happiness knew no bounds! Everyone thinks that thanks to me he was fired.

If you want, you can try hard to get the unwanted employee fired!

do not pay attention. everyone substitutes everyone. only some do it subtly and imperceptibly, others do it as best they can. the ancient Romans noticed and said - man is a wolf to man. work so that the mosquito does not undermine the nose. and the substitutes will be disarmed.

Put on a mask and in the evening give him a hump!

Relationships with superiors play an important role in the scenario career development and business progress. turns out to be a difficult psychological test for many people. When the leader does not control himself, the problem is gaining momentum. Not everyone can tolerate rudeness, but a decent response requires strength. What do you do if your boss is being defiant? How to deal with rudeness and tyranny? When is it better to remain silent and what actions are suitable for emergency situations? Answers to questions will be given by applied psychology business communication.

What are the bosses?

Leading people is a complex art that requires a set of certain qualities from a person: self-control, flexibility, ambition, sociability, organization ... the list goes on forever. When work in a team does not stick, it is worth thinking about the competence of the boss.

Destructive leaders are the destroyers of the office world and order. You can’t cook porridge with them, and you can’t solve things. But problems are always in abundance.

• Creepy- This is a god of the middle order. He is a small boss on errands of a big boss. Today he is pleased with your work, and tomorrow he gives you a dressing, having received criticism from higher management.
• Dictator- will not let you say a word against. Does not accept criticism, advice, does not hear wishes. He thinks he knows everything better than you. And even if you are a first-class architect, and he does not distinguish between a load-bearing wall and a non-bearing wall, his authoritarian wishes are undeniable.

• slob- his element is lack of assembly, disorganization. He forgets about important meetings, deadlines, assignments, does not control the progress of work, breaking down on subordinates for their mistakes.
• Sadist- fool who knows everything weak sides subordinates. He loves to tease. The sadist is firmly attached to the victim, skillfully steps on the sore calluses, humiliating the person. The tyrant experiences sadistic love for his subordinates. He cultivates in the team a sense of dependence and slavish obedience, instilling a sense of fear in his subordinates.
• Actor- plays competent specialist. His only goal is to maintain the image, even by humiliating subordinates.
• Coward- Fear of competition. He is suspicious and seeks to avert the slightest danger. Humiliating subordinates, he kills the spirit of rivalry in the team.
• Father-mentor, mother-director- Most of the time, paternal-type leaders professionally cope with their duties. Manifestations of destructive behavior appear unexpectedly, but soon pass without bringing obvious destructive consequences.

Your response to your boss depends on the causes and forms of inappropriate behavior.

Inappropriate Leader Behavior:

• increased intonation, rough speech,
• ridicule and belittle the dignity of subordinates,
• familiar behavior,
• flirting, obscene allusions,
• passive-pejorative gestures (humiliation in a veiled form: sarcastic remarks, ambiguous smiles, hints).

These are signs of unprofessionalism. In Russia, the literacy of the managerial level is poorly developed.

Positions often go to the strongest, but not the most worthy. Assess your strengths and capabilities before joining the fight.

The slightest mistake will be your defeat and worsen the situation at work.

How to put in place a presumptuous leader?

• calmness. Don't get emotional. In an excited state, you are easier to manipulate. Start preparing for the conversation early. Take a couple of minutes, close your eyes. Breathe smoothly: inhale deeply and exhale slowly. Repeat several times. Don't beat yourself up before talking. Stay calm, even, try not to show emotions. Calmness will moderate the ardor of the boss.

• Politeness. When the leader is rude, ask him to justify the reasons for the behavior. Speak in a cold, reserved tone, politely. Show that you are educated. Uncultured behavior is a sign of low intellectual development. You are above rudeness. AT business ethics There is no place for unprofessional communication. Politeness and restraint are a sign of courage. Controlling emotions means conquering fears. Having mastered yourself, you become an uninteresting toy for the boss of a sadist or actor.

• Face to face conversation. Public attacks on superiors are fraught with unpleasant consequences. To avoid them, choose a place and time to talk with the boss in private. Try to find out what he doesn't like about your job. Grab a piece of paper and a pen and write it down. If any of the above is not true, ask again. By forcing the boss to repeat the lie, you focus attention not on the illegality and incorrectness of his actions, awakening his conscience.

If the boss is a tyrant, in a personal conversation you can make an attempt to hurt his conceit. In this case, there are 2 nuances:

• Self-doubt and natural timidity will prevent you from winning the clash. Exodus: tyranny will become tougher.
• You risk going overboard. Relations with the boss will deteriorate completely, and your workplace will be in question.

During the conversation, do not let's wipe our feet on ourselves, show the inner core and confidence. Do not give in to provocations. If during a conversation the boss attacks you and engages in a skirmish, imagine yourself under the protection of a glass dome. You are inside and the boss is outside. His rough and aggressive lunges bounce off the glass surface without touching you. While you fantasize, the boss will cool off. Start talking when the boss has let off steam and finished his tirade. Do not interrupt, do not try to shout down the boss, as you will aggravate the situation.

• Ignoring. Suitable for interacting with bosses who show aggression inconsistently: creepy, slob, mother director. In their case, negative attacks have a specific reason. Bosses are people too and they have their weaknesses. A sense of increased responsibility, almost paternal love for the team, makes the father-boss go beyond business communication. The slob is aggressive in the event of major setbacks. Creepy boss behaves inappropriately after a shake-up from upper management. It is easier to survive such attacks, immersed in work, trying not to pay attention to the raging management.

• non-verbal tricks. With leaders-dictators, methods of verbal influence are powerless. You can convey your dissatisfaction to an authoritarian leader with the help of gestures, facial expressions, gaze, and intonation. This method is suitable for employees, especially those who value their workplace. By influencing the subconscious, you will avoid direct confrontation and bypass conflict situations side.

Indirect methods of influencing the boss or boss

A person receives about 80% of information in a non-verbal way! If you build a model of behavior correctly, the information will be firmly entrenched in the boss at a subconscious level.

• Forget about smiling. Don't try to smooth things over by smiling at your boss at an awkward moment.

Be serious. Women in communication with men on a subconscious level use a smile to achieve sympathy. In a business relationship, this technique may not work.

Smiling awkwardly, you show gentleness and provoke an attack, especially a sadist, dictator and actor. Emotionless facial expression cools the boss's ardor.

• Follow your gaze. Look into the eyes of your boss. If you find it difficult to maintain eye contact, keep your gaze at the level of the nose. When you lower your eyes, you recognize the strength of the interlocutor. On a subconscious level, he feels that you have given up and goes on the offensive.

• Control gestures. Lowering of the head, constant nodding, nervous gestures, defensive postures and movements, and weakness. Watch your behavior:

• Don't lean back in communication with the boss;
• Don't look for extra support in the form of a table or chair when standing in front of the boss;
• Don't fence yourself off from him with crossed arms and legs;
• Stop blowing away non-existent dust particles and remove fictitious specks from clothes;
• Take your hands off your face and lift up your eyes;
• Express consent with a restrained single nod;
• Formulate phrases accurately and answer questions.

• Do not hesitate, trying to avoid the answer. Hiding behind vague phrases, you confess insecurity and weakness.
• Work on your clothes. Business style in clothes is a symbol of distance. A formal dress code exposes a subconscious frame of communication in the head of the boss. Not in vain in large companies employees are required to comply mandatory requirements to appearance, the main of which is the business style of clothing.
• Do not pay attention to jokes and provocations. The lack of the expected response will disrupt the boss's plans. Move on to discussing work issues without noticing sarcasm and inappropriate jokes. This technique does not work with tyrant leaders. Silence for them is a sign of weakness and fear, which acts on sadists like a red rag on a bull.

Coping with habitual non-verbal reactions is difficult, but necessary if you want to show your boss his place.

When choosing a method of response, be guided by your own strengths and the character of the boss. The more you take into account individual factors, the more effective your behavior will be.

What can not be done?

• Silently endure public insults. So you risk losing the respect of not only your boss, but also your colleagues.
• Answer rudely. Rudeness breeds new aggression. Do not stoop to the level of a boor, respect your dignity.
• Criticize the boss. No boss likes criticism. If your boss is a dictator, you risk deepening the conflict. Judging the boss in a fit of anger, you provoke a negative release on you. A single aggressive attack will turn into a persistent dislike on the part of the leader.
• Humbly ask for forgiveness and take the blame. So you humiliate your own dignity and untie the hands of a tyrant. You will be held responsible for all incidents in the office. Such behavior is especially dangerous with a sadist and a slob. If respect in the team does not play a big role for you, or the dialogue with the boss takes place in private, you can take the blame for communicating with a dictator or a coward. Aggressive attacks will stop.

Forewarned is forearmed!

Conflicts with superiors are easier to prevent than to deal with their consequences.

• Strive for a balance of interests. often arise from misunderstanding. The boss does not seek to explain his position and desires to subordinates, and employees tolerate and silently carry out the vague tasks of the leader. Bottom line: dissatisfaction on both sides. Look for benefits for yourself and for your superiors. Find the optimal balance of interests.

• Understand the boss. Take a closer look at the boss. By studying his habits, requirements, character traits, you can avoid controversial situations and conflicts. Knowing the hidden causes of inappropriate behavior gives you a secret weapon in the fight against boss misconduct.
• Set up a dialogue. People open up in communication. Through dialogue, it is possible to convey to a person not only verbal information, but also an internal state. Surely you have seen employees who are able to calm the father-boss in anger or influence the leader - slovenly. It's all about the right approach to communication, and every boss has weaknesses.
• Confidence from day one. When you settle for new job, . Sadists and actors avoid clashes with such people. Excessive confidence can unnerve the boss - a coward or a dictator. It depends on the leader how much you can raise the bar of your fearlessness.

You can find a balance of relationships with any boss. Be careful and don't be afraid of guidance.

Hello. My name is Anna, I am 32 years old. Please help me get out of this situation. I have been working in a private company as a chief accountant for a year and a half. The working team is female, I am the chief accountant, personnel department for 27 years. and deputy director for 49 years. At first it was very difficult to find mutual language with everyone, but everything seems to be fine. Before me, the current deputy worked as the chief accountant. director. Working days are positive. Morning at the deputy director begins with the Internet and browsing entertainment sites. At first, it annoyed me, I asked myself the question: "How is it possible?" But then she calmed down and stopped paying attention. She also resigned herself to the fact that to any of my questions when it was necessary to make some important decision, she answered - "You are the chief accountant, you you are responsible I want to explain a small nuance, we all report to the direct director who is in another city and all communication takes place only through a deputy. I think about making an important decision, I find acceptable options, I offer them to the deputy director, she agrees and then , after a while, a call to the director, which especially offends me, IN MY PRESENCE, and explains to him the acceptable solutions to the problems I found with the words: "Here, I didn’t sleep at night, I thought, and came up with such an option .....". All nothing, but the director said that wage will rise only from those who will take the initiative, and it turns out that the initiative comes only from the deputy and no one else works. Recently, she sets me up very much, but I have not only interpersonal relationships, but since I work as a chief accountant, she sets me up very much in financial plan and correct reporting. If the amount of taxes payable is large, she tells the director that I did not calculate them correctly, that I did not tell her that the amount would be such, although this is not so, she knew about it. Naturally, I am not silent and prove my case, but it turns out worse. The director does not want to listen to me, he blindly believes and trusts the deputy. I could leave this firm, but it's not for me. If I leave simply and silently, she won. But I can’t do that, I just need to prove my case and leave with my head held high. Although I stop myself from the war, because I know that it will be worse for me and there will be big problems. I'm confused. What to do? Continue the war, or bow your head meekly and let me continue to ride? The most a big problem in how to remove rose-colored glasses from the director. I tried to meet him, call him for a conversation, but to no avail. My victory will be if I can still open his eyes to everything that is happening and how he is being deceived and misled.

Psychologists Answers

Hello Anna!

My victory will be if I still manage to open his eyes to everything that happens to how he is deceived and misled.

No, Anna, it's not. While you will be playing with your deputy. director into the game: whoever the authorities like more, you will lose, simply because you play it. It’s better to just do your job with pleasure, get decent money for it and not prove anything to anyone. If you are responsible, then you are responsible. If not, then you have a bad director. Either you agree with the incorrect rules, or change the rules, or look for another job. Your victory will be to achieve inner peace and self-confidence, but this is possible in a completely different game.
Sincerely

Chvalun Evgeny Viktorovich, psychologist Ryazan

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Anna, if you want to prove something at work, you must understand that neither words nor emotions can be worthy evidence. Only documented evidence can change anything. And then, only if the director wants to change something. After all, you forget that everything suits him. It matters to you who is right and who is wrong. For him, it is important that the work process goes on and his company earns money. Moreover, he has known the deputy for a long time, and you, as an employee, are still young.

Do you want to prove something? document. Are there big taxes? Write a memorandum addressed to the deputy and the director. Did you come up with solutions? Write a certificate addressed to the deputy and the director. Not to complain about the deputy, look for a meeting with the director, but in order to take from him email address, to which, with his consent, you will send your job offers.

Also think about how to document yourself to protect yourself from financial fraud. If that's not possible, leave. After all, while you are just offended by such injustice and want to win, you can get big money. Do you need it? Decide not from the point of view of resentment, but from the point of view of safety. You Chief Accountant, so take into account the specifics of your work: you can work calmly or the fear of a setup is justified.

Attention to you.

Naumenko Galina Grigorievna, psychologist Gomel

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