10 habits of chronically happy people. Seven habits of chronically unhappy people. Rejection of self-development

People sometimes don't notice when they are happy. If they are asked what this concept means to them, they may find it difficult to answer. However, when a person is unhappy, he is clearly aware of this and understands when such a feeling took possession of him. Many people think that life circumstances are to blame for everything. However, according to researchers, a happy person makes himself so, and no trials can prevent him from doing this. Habits also play a big role. So, some of them are a direct path to making you unhappy.
Let's take a look at the 10 most important habits, which should be abandoned if you want to start enjoying life.

1. Hope for the future

One of the main habits that will prevent you from becoming a happy person is the pronunciation of phrases like "I will be happy when I get a new job / when I get a raise in salary / when I have a new partner, etc." It doesn't matter how you end up this offer. Remember that in this case you are betting everything on circumstances that have little control over you. Therefore, you should not expect something ghostly, but you should work on your life now. Focus on what is important to you today and happiness will be knocking at your door very soon.

2. Spending too much time and effort on acquiring status items

Many people, when they start making more money, tend to convince themselves that it makes them happier. Moreover, it seems to most that the higher the income, the better they will feel. However, a lot of research has shown that this is not entirely true. After all, when you are in pursuit of money and expensive things, then, having received them, you risk experiencing disappointment. After all, you realize that they were not worth the effort at all. And the time spent achieving them could be spent on your hobbies and socializing with family and friends, which would make you happier.

3. Stay home

When you feel unhappy, then you probably want to stay at home and not communicate with anyone. However, this behavior can be called a big mistake. Of course, in the life of each of us there are moments when we want to be alone with ourselves and hide from others. However, if it becomes a trend, then you will notice very quickly how your mood will change for the worse. Therefore, force yourself to leave the house, communicate with people, and you will see how it will become easier for you very quickly.

4. View yourself as a victim

Unhappy people, as a rule, convince themselves that nothing in life depends on them. Therefore, they believe that they cannot improve the situation. However, this approach only reinforces the feeling of helplessness. But it is always worth remembering that problems and difficulties happen to all people. And it is in your power to pull yourself together and resist them, trying to change your life for the better.

5. Pessimism

Nothing can destroy happiness like pessimism. After all, if you constantly think and expect bad things, then most likely they will happen. Moreover, it is quite difficult to get rid of pessimistic thoughts. However, you should convince yourself that they are illogical. Force yourself to look at the facts and you'll realize that it's actually not as bad as you thought.

6. The habit of complaining

If you start complaining all the time, you will end up living with a feeling of anxiety all the time. Such behavior can be safely called destructive to the individual. After all, if we constantly convince ourselves that everything is bad, then it will not be possible to allow any other thoughts very soon. Undoubtedly, talking about what is bothering you can be extremely helpful. However, you should not allow the habit of complaining about everything and everyone to develop. After all, this is a direct path to becoming an unhappy person with whom other people do not want to communicate.

7. Make an elephant out of a fly

Bad things happen to every person. The difference is that happy people see them for what they are - temporary difficulties, while unhappy people see them as just another proof that fate is extremely unfavorable to them. So, for example, if an ordinary person gets into a small accident on the way to work and gets off with only a slight fright and a slightly dented wing of his iron horse, then he will be glad that nothing more serious has happened. A chronically unhappy person will see in this situation only one more proof that he has not had a day, a week, a month, and maybe his whole life since the very morning.

8. Hiding problems under the rug

Happy people are responsible for their actions. If they make a mistake, they are responsible for it. Unhappy people try to hide their problems and mistakes. And, as you know, if the problem is ignored, then it can only worsen and cause even more damage.

9. Rejection of self-development

Because unhappy people are pessimistic and do not try to control their lives, they sit and wait for what will happen to them next. And instead of setting goals, learning and improving themselves, they simply express wonder why nothing in their lives is changing for the better.

10. Comparing yourself to others

Jealousy and envy are feelings that will not help you become happier in any way. So if you're constantly comparing yourself to other people, then it's time to stop.

Comments:

/ Olga - You need to know that in life you need to rely only on yourself, which means working hard, relaxing, developing, taking care of someone, disagreeing with someone, doing everything to be less dependent on someone, then there will be no time to feel unhappy, you are always busy with something. And this is normal life! I am 65, I have been married for 42 years, I have three grandchildren and, believe me, everything happened, but we must remember that after the black stripe there will be light, that's for sure, therefore, testing yourself with a wide black stripe, you expect that there will be so much beauty ahead.
Be happy, everything is in your hands, do not expect anything from anyone, give more.

/ Eltigre River - yes, there are ups and downs everywhere and with everyone.
That would always be all right - there is no such thing. this is a utopia.

/ Savvulidi Georgy - someone wrote something about textbooks about life. exactly! children should be taught to be happy from childhood! firstly, to love life itself, the beauty of the surrounding world, to be healthy in order to receive physical pleasures from material existence, from work, sports, walks, travels,
secondly, to be able to serve yourself, cook deliciously, sew or make the necessary things yourself, and be creative in this,
thirdly, to be able to get out of the most difficult situations, do not panic, discourage, do not wait for manna from heaven, but work on the problem yourself, and most importantly - do not be a slave to conventions.
we ourselves and teachers at school do not teach children this.

children are very obsessed with conventions - they will choke if the jeans are not the same as those of the neighbor, the phone is simple and the old grandmother and little brother are at home, they are ashamed to invite a friend home, because there is an engram in their head that the house is not as chic as in a movie or magazine , and this can be continued ad infinitum. and now - with the last money of a birthday in a cafe, nails, like a troupe, rags, rags, rest is always in distant countries, a mortgage that stifles for 25 years, but one of its own.

but you can - it's easier, there is no money for rags - and to hell with them, there is second-hand, there is nothing to eat - I will lose weight, I will rest - I will go hiking, I will see the sky, I will sit by the fire, I will be bored in the evening, I will write poetry, I can’t go to the sea , I’ll sunbathe at my girlfriend’s dacha just as well and swim in the river, after a while life becomes interesting and diverse, and friends will appear and the house will be transformed, because they themselves made repairs, so it seems to me that the dog has rummaged around, it is necessary to develop creativity in people and unwillingness to obey herd feelings.

/ zhmot - And if all the shepherds - whom to feed?

/ Karl - Well said! One should strive to be a shepherd and not part of the flock. Most now are materialists (to put it mildly), they are driven by envy and greed.

/ Alexander Antropov - It is very important to learn to enjoy life at the moment. Be able to apply various techniques to align the internal state. We are on earth in order for the soul to learn something new, without which it cannot go further. God will never give more than we can bear. If a person is not satisfied with his life, then you need to reconsider your behavior and not interfere with the natural course of events in any case. If a person lives life, let's say, qualitatively and not in vain, then in the next life he finds himself in better conditions in proportion to what he has achieved and, of course, with the most ambitious goals. If on the contrary, then at least you will have to try to learn the lesson again or aggravate your situation with sins past life experience them too. So don't be discouraged if you think your life is not the way you would like it to be. Right here and now we are creating our future. For some it is heaven on earth, but for others it seems like hell. It is just a path from an infinite number of lives in different guises, in which the soul bears the consequences of its actions. Do not ignore the inner voice and live "humanly"... and you will see how your life will begin to change for the better and become more supportive. Goodness, love and patience to you!

/ Natalya Lavrenteva - I had to leave home so that the children would become at least a little more independent. don't want to develop at all.

/ Irina - you just like to be unhappy! This is your happiness: the worse, the better. This type was described by Dostoevsky: the "underground man" complex. And there is a "softer" version: the weeping Pierrot.

There are billions of people on our planet, and only a fraction of them are truly happy. There are those who simply balance on the verge of "happiness-unhappiness" day by day. What about unhappy people? Do they exist? As recent studies have shown, they do exist. And they - unhappy people - have special features and habits.

1. They think life is hard.
Unhappy people perceive themselves as victims of life. Their “look what she did to me” attitude prevails over everything. Happy people, on the other hand, have a completely different attitude to life: they understand that life can be difficult at times, but it will not last forever. They live it, explore it curiously, and not constantly whine that everything is wrong. They don't shy away from responsibility when they make a mistake, they just focus on how to fix it.

2. They believe that most people cannot be trusted.
An unhappy person is incredulous. This prevents him from meeting new people who, in the future, might become his friends. A happy man trusts his brother. Moreover, he believes in the good that is in every person. Open and friendly, he is always happy to meet new people, and at the same time his thoughts are always pure.

3. They pay their attention only to the bad, and they simply do not notice the good.
There is enough negativity in our world, and these people pay attention only to what is wrong, is not happening, and, in general, should not, in their opinion, exist. They are visible from afar. Whining is their forte.

At the same time, happy people see both the bad and the good. True, all the same, positive is their life guide.

4. Comparing themselves with other people, they harbor great envy.
Constantly whining people envy the success of others. They believe with all their heart that there is never enough goodness and luck for everyone, therefore, if someone else is lucky, it means that they - others - stole their chance for success and luck.

People who see the positive in everything believe that doors will open in front of them if they knock on them. There is no doubt in their bright minds that there will be no new opportunities. They firmly know that after several "no" there will be one big "yes".

5. They seek to control their lives.
There is a big difference between being in control and striving to achieve your goals. Unfortunate indeed are those who, while planning every step in their lives, regard their failure and defeat as a tragedy. The happy ones will either strive towards their goal, or simply go with the flow until a new opportunity arises.

6. They look at their future with apprehension.
There is plenty of room in each of our heads for anything, and the negativists fill it with only bad thoughts. What can go wrong is all they think about, so their thoughts are filled with fear and anxiety.

And the lucky ones are not a miss at all! They know for sure that sometimes dreaming about pleasant things is a real panacea for all ills. When they are still scared or anxious, these people still understand the difference between a fleeting feeling of fear and a whole life filled with it. When they become anxious at heart, they either look for ways to avoid it, or take this phenomenon for granted. But fear never governs them and their lives.

7. Their conversations are full of gossip and lamentations.
These aching elements like to live in the past. They prefer to constantly chat about the hardships of their lives and the troubles that have happened. When they complain to their heart's content, gossip begins to savor. It's so much fun! Don't you know?
Never whining people live in the present and the future. From them gives warmth and positive per kilometer. They work with joyful delight at what they like. They are grateful for what they have. They dream of future opportunities that fate may bring them.

We are all imperfect. We all sooner or later plunge headlong into the pool of bad thoughts, but how quickly each of us can get out of it is of great importance. Ultimately, practice positive thinking and similar actions, and not trying to do everything perfectly - that's what really makes sense. This is the very quality that is alien to unhappy people.

Happiness is only 50% dependent on circumstances. Everything else is in your hands.
Happiness has so many forms that it can be hard to define. But misfortune is easy to recognize: you know exactly when it is and when it covers you.

Unhappiness is fatal to the people around you, just like passive smoking. In a famous study, Stanford researchers followed subjects for 80 years and found that being around an unhappy person was associated with poorer health and shorter life expectancy.
Happiness is much less dependent on life circumstances than you think. A University of Illinois study found that the richest people (those earning more than $10 million a year) are only marginally happier than the average worker.

Circumstances have little effect on happiness, because it is most often under your control - it is the result of habits and attitudes towards life. Psychologists at the University of California have found that genetics and circumstances are responsible for only 50% of a person's happiness. The rest is up to you.

Unhappy Habits

It is quite difficult to be near an unhappy person, as well as to work with him. Unhappiness pushes people away, creating a vicious circle that keeps you from achieving your full potential.

A huge part of your happiness is determined by habits (in thoughts and actions), which you need to carefully monitor in order to make sure that unhappiness does not drag you into the abyss.
Some habits are more likely to lead you to unhappiness than others. The ten habits listed below are especially to be feared. Take good care of yourself to make sure you don't have these habits.

Happiness is the result of habits and attitudes towards life

Waiting for the future. One of the easiest habits to fall into is: “I'll be happy when…” It doesn't matter how you end the sentence (it could be a promotion or salary, a new relationship). After all, in this way you focus too much on circumstances, and improved circumstances do not lead to happiness. Don't waste time waiting for improvements that will affect your mood. Better focus on being happy now, in the current moment, because there are no guarantees about the future.

Spending a huge amount of time and effort on the acquisition of "things". People living in poverty become much happier when they financial position improves, but this effect disappears sharply when the annual income exceeds $ 20 thousand. A lot of research shows that material things do not make people happy. If chasing things becomes a habit, you are unlikely to become happy. After all, in addition to the disappointment experienced after acquiring things, you also find that you got them at the cost of what made you happy. These are friends, family and hobbies.
The habit of staying at home. When we are unhappy, we tend to avoid people. This is a huge mistake, because socialization has a good effect on mood. Each of us has days when we want to cover our heads with a blanket and refuse to communicate with people. But as soon as this desire becomes habitual, it destroys your mood. Watch for the moment when an unhappy state makes you anti-social, force yourself to get out of the house and socialize. And you will immediately notice the difference.

The habit of treating yourself like a victim. Unhappy people tend to assume that life is, by definition, difficult and uncontrollable. The problem with this philosophy is that it reinforces feelings of powerlessness, and people who feel powerless are less likely to take action to improve the situation. Of course, every person feels a breakdown from time to time, but it is important not to miss the moment when this begins to affect your attitude towards life. Problems aren't just about you, and you can control your own future if you're willing to take action.

Pessimism. Nothing fuels unhappiness like pessimism. The problem with a pessimistic attitude is that it turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy: if you expect something bad to happen, it is highly likely that it will happen. Pessimistic thoughts are hard to get rid of until you realize how illogical they are. Force yourself to look at the facts and then you will realize that things are not as bad as they seem.
Complaining habit. Complaining is behavior that feeds on itself. If you constantly talk, and, therefore, think about how bad things are, then, in this way, you are only convinced of your own negative assumptions. Talking about what's bothering you is helpful. However, there is a fine line that separates the therapeutic effect from fueling unhappiness. In addition, complaining not only makes you unhappy, but also pushes people away from you.

The habit of blowing things up. Bad things happen to everyone. The only difference is that happy people see them for what they really are - temporary obstacles. And unhappy people see in such incidents additional evidence that life is unfair to them. A happy person will be upset if they get into a minor accident on the way to work, but they will look at the situation like this: “Well, well, at least nothing serious happened.” But for not happy person the incident will be proof that a day, a week, a month, or even a whole life is doomed.

The habit of postponing problems indefinitely. Happy people are responsible for their actions. When they make a mistake, they understand it. But unhappy people problems and mistakes are scary, so they try to hide them. But if you ignore the problems, they only grow. The longer you don't solve problems, the stronger the feeling that nothing can be done. And you feel like a victim again.

unwillingness to develop. Because unhappy people are pessimistic and also believe they are not in control of their own lives, they tend to sit back and wait for something to happen to them. Instead of setting goals, learning, improving, they only wonder why nothing is changing.

The habit of chasing someone. Jealousy and envy are incompatible with happiness. So if you're constantly comparing yourself to others, then it's time to stop. In one study, most participants admitted that they would feel fine earning less money, but only if the income of others was also low. Beware of such thinking, because it will not make you happy.

Happiness has many faces. In each person, the state of happiness can manifest itself in different ways. Therefore, it is sometimes difficult to determine whether a person is happy or simply satisfied. It is very easy to identify misfortune. We instinctively understand when we become unhappy ourselves or when it concerns someone from our environment.

Travis Bradberry, co-authorbooks Emotional intellect 2.0 and co-founder of smart test company TalentSmart, in the column for Inc. talked about ten habits deeply unhappy people and techniques to help get rid of them.

Life circumstances do not affect your level of happiness as much because only you decide whether something brings you happiness or not. This is because happiness is the end product of a person's habits and perception of life. Genetics and life circumstances occupy only about 50% in the structure of human happiness. This is the conclusion of psychologists from the University of California who study this issue “The Constitution only gives people the right to be happy. But everyone must catch their own happiness, ”said Benjamin Franklin.

Particularly dangerous habits

It is very difficult to be near a constantly dissatisfied person, not to mention working with him in the same team. If you are in a state of unhappiness for a long time, people will start to avoid you, creating a vicious circle. It is he who keeps you from achieving all that you are capable of.

Misfortune can catch you at any moment. As much as the level of your happiness depends on habits (in thoughts and deeds), so you must carefully monitor that they do not drag you into the abyss. Because some habits can make you an unhappy person in minutes. But there are ten especially dangerous habits that you need to be wary of and eradicate if you have them.

1. Expect the future

Constantly telling yourself: "I will be happy when ..." is one of the most simple ways drive yourself into a state of unhappiness. How you end this statement doesn't really matter. It could be some kind of promotion, an increase in salary or a new relationship. In this case, you pay too much attention to the circumstances.

Improving circumstances will not make you happier. Don't waste time waiting for something that won't really change your mood in life. Instead, focus on being happy here and now.

Don't live in the future. You cannot guarantee a positive ending.

2. Spend a lot of time and energy on shopping

The happiness of very poor people rises sharply when their financial condition improves. But, if your total income is above $20,000 per year, this figure is reduced.

There are many studies that show that material things do not make us happier. Over time, when shopping becomes a regular procedure, things cease to bring the same pleasure as before.

Instead, comes the disappointment and understanding that they were purchased at a price real life and factors that can actually make you happy.

For example friends, family, hobbies.

3. Stay at home

When you feel deeply unhappy, you don't want to see anyone. Avoiding society is a big mistake. Communication is the best cure for such blues. Each of us has black stripes in our lives and sometimes we want to wrap ourselves in a blanket and not get out of bed all day.

When this becomes a habit, a person loses his vitality and gradually falls into depression. You must admit to yourself that the state of unhappiness gradually makes you an anti-social person.

It is necessary by all means to drive away the blues from yourself and communicate with people through force. You will immediately notice the difference.

4. See yourself as a victim

As a rule, unhappy people argue in the vein of "life is hard and out of control." In other words, "life is not for me, and there's nothing I can do about it."

The problem with this philosophy is that it reinforces the feeling of helplessness. People who are not confident in their abilities are unlikely to decide to somehow improve their life situation. Each of us can be upset about something. That's life. But it is important to catch the moment when negativity begins to control your thoughts. In this world, you are not the only person who has to overcome trials.

It is in your power to control your future for as long as possible.

5. Be a hardened pessimist

Nothing fuels unhappiness like pessimism. Everything you say in a negative tone unconsciously becomes prophetic. If you constantly expect something bad, sooner or later it will happen.

You can get rid of this quality only when you understand how illogical pessimistic thoughts are. Operate with facts. Only in this way you can understand that not everything is as bad as it seems.

6. Constantly complaining about something

To express displeasure means to be worried about something. But, if you constantly complain about something, and, therefore, are sure that things are very bad, you are asserting your own negative beliefs in yourself.

Talking about your worries is still better than keeping them to yourself. But there is a very fine line between the therapeutic effect of verbal complaints and fueling unhappiness. In addition to bringing yourself to a state of extreme unhappiness by such a habit, you thereby push people away from you.

7. Inflate the situation

No one is immune from life's troubles and failures. The difference is that happy people see them as only a temporary obstacle. Whereas unhappy people are another proof that fate does not love them.

A happy person gets upset if he gets into an accident on the way to work. But he puts it in perspective: “Yes, a nuisance. But it could have been worse."

For an unhappy person, such a situation will be another proof that a day, a week, a month, and maybe even his whole life is a complete failure.

8. Hide your mistakes

Happy people take responsibility for their actions and take their mistakes for granted. For unhappy people, life's problems and mistakes are a threat, so they try not to make them public.

But, as a rule, if problems are ignored, they become unsolvable. It will seem to you more and more that nothing depends on you and you cannot influence their decision in any way.

And over time, you will again try on the role of the victim.

9. Wait by the sea for the weather

Since unhappy people are pessimists and do not know how to control their lives, they tend to sit back and wait for fate to provide them with a happy opportunity.

Instead of setting goals, learning and improving themselves, they just go with the flow, and then they are surprised that nothing happens in their life.

10. Look up to others

Jealousy and envy have nothing to do with happiness. If you constantly compare yourself to others, stop. Most participants in one study on happiness said they would only accept a reduction in income if their neighbors had the same situation.

Living someone else's life is a bad decision. Get rid of that kind of thinking. It will not make you a happy person. Otherwise, the effect will be rather the opposite.

Reviewing and changing habits for the sake of your own happiness is one of the best life decisions.

There is another good reason why this is important: by controlling your own happiness, you make those around you happier.

Happiness comes in many forms, and sometimes it can be hard to feel right away. On the other hand, misfortune is always easy to identify.

Misfortune is deadly for everyone. And for the unfortunate, and for the people around him. Terman's famous Stanford study lasted eight years and found that being around unhappy people was associated with poorer health and shorter life expectancy.

Life circumstances have little to do with happiness, because happiness is the result of habits and outlook on life. Psychologists at the University of California who study happiness have found that genetics and life circumstances determine only about 50% of a person's happiness. The rest depends on the person himself.

“The constitution gives people the right to happiness. But you have to catch it yourself." - Benjamin Franklin

10 habits of chronically unhappy people

When people are unhappy, it's much harder to be around them, let alone work together. The feeling of unhappiness causes a person to fall into a vicious circle that keeps him from achieving everything that he is capable of.

And happiness is determined by habits (in thoughts and deeds), so you need to carefully monitor them to make sure that they do not drag you into the abyss.

Some habits lead to more unhappiness than others. There are ten habits to be especially wary of.

1. Expect the future

Convincing yourself: “I will be happy when …” is one of the most destructive habits. How the statement ends doesn't really matter (it could be an encouragement, a big wage or new relationships). Because of this, a person begins to pay too much attention to circumstances, and the improvement of circumstances does not lead to happiness.

Don't waste time waiting for something that seems to affect your mood. Instead, focus on being happy right now, in the present moment.

2. Spending Too Much Time and Effort Buying “Things”

People living in extreme poverty experience happiness when their financial situation improves. There is a large amount of research that shows that material things do not make you happy. The habit of chasing things eventually leads to dissatisfaction with life, disappointments.

Friends, family and hobbies can make you happy.

3. Avoid people

When a person feels unhappy, there is a temptation to avoid the company of other people. This is a huge mistake as communication is great for lifting the mood.

Each of us has days when we want to be alone and not talk to anyone. When this behavior becomes a trend, it destroys the mood.

4. Feel like a victim

Unhappy people tend to think that life is both difficult and uncontrollable. In other words, "Life is hard for me and there's nothing I can do about it." The problem with such a philosophy is that it reinforces the feeling of helplessness, and people who feel helpless are unlikely to take action to improve things.

Things to remember: You are not the only person bad things happen to, and everyone has the ability to take control of their future. You just need to take action.

5. Pessimism

Nothing feeds unhappiness better than pessimism. The problem with a pessimistic attitude, besides being highly dependent on mood, is that it is realized in life: if a person expects bad things to happen, then most likely bad things will happen.

Pessimistic thoughts are difficult to discard until you realize for yourself how illogical they are. Force yourself to look at the facts and you will see that things are not as bad as they seem.

6. Complain

Complaining is a self-reinforcing behavior. Constantly talking - and therefore thinking about how bad things are - confirms one's negative beliefs.

Talking about things that bother you can make you feel better, but there is a fine line between complaining and trying to pinpoint the source of the problem.

7. Exaggerate

Bad things happen to everyone. The difference is that happy people see them as a temporary failure, while unhappy people see it as yet another proof that their lives are a complete nightmare.

8. Avoid problem solving

Happy people are responsible for their actions. When they make a mistake, they continue to be in control of themselves and the situation. On the other hand, unhappy people find problems and mistakes threatening, so they try to hide them. Problems tend to get bigger when they are ignored.

The more you do nothing to solve the problem, the stronger the feeling of helplessness and inability to determine your life.

9. Sitting difficult hands

Because unhappy people are pessimists and lack control over their lives, they tend to sit back and wait for life to happen to them. Instead of setting goals, learning and improving themselves, they just keep waiting and then wonder why nothing in life is changing.

10. Compare yourself to others

Jealousy and envy are incompatible with happiness, so if you're constantly comparing yourself to others, then it's time to stop. In one study, most subjects said they would do well with less affluence, but only if everyone else's affluence also declined.

Beware of this kind of thinking as it will not make you happy and more often than not it will have the opposite effect.

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