All unhappy people are unhappy for one reason. Unhappiness unhappy Why there are happy people and unhappy

Unhappiness as a personality trait - having heavy karma, not knowing happiness, joy, good luck; to be a victim constantly pursued by misfortune.

Once a visitor came to the sage and began to complain: - I am so unhappy. I'm so bad, it can't get any worse. I lost my job, my wife is sick, my daughter can't get married, my son doesn't want to study... Tell me, maybe you know what I should do to become happier? “There is one ancient remedy,” answered the sage. - You need to take a lot of papers, write on them: "And this will all pass," and spread them out in all the rooms.

The puzzled man thanked and left. A couple of years later, the same person returns and says: - How grateful I am to you, how grateful, there are simply no words! Everything has changed in my life. I found a great job, my wife recovered, my daughter got married, my son graduated and got a job… Everything is just great! Thank you very much! Yes, I just wanted to ask: - Those pieces of paper that I laid out in the apartment, can they be removed already? - Why clean up? The sage shrugged. - Let them lie down for now.

Unhappiness is the harvest of the consequences of one's past actions. Heavy karma has come - open the gate. Payback has come. Bills must be paid. Unhappiness is a boomerang for violating the laws of the universe in the past. Unhappiness is a harsh lot for lack of piety. If a man has done evil, where will the funds come from in the heavenly account of godliness? Red balance. So, no happiness, joy and good luck. Piety accumulates in those who lived with dignity and dignity, who served people. Happiness and joy come to him.

Unhappiness is the verdict of the Heavenly court: he lived like a pig, therefore, let him suffer. Maybe he will learn something, realize how to live correctly, understand that he needs to raise the level of his spirituality. Maybe it will finally reach a person that happiness is a spiritual category. From the temporal, the material, you cannot get the eternal, the spiritual. The spiritual path knows no losses.

The real taste of happiness must be sought in spirituality, and not in clothes, tsatsk and wealth Oh. They haven't made anyone happy yet. You can't take them with you when you die. If you see the main goal of life in the accumulation of money and material wealth, at the end of your life you will definitely experience disappointment and emptiness.

The nature of the soul is eternity, knowledge and bliss. The soul is charged with happiness. A person becomes unhappy because of himself. The soul has a property: it listens to the feelings, the lusted mind, the personality traits manifested in a person. In a word, the soul can be conditioned by someone or something. She is easily suggestible. Under the influence of vices, the energy of the soul is distorted. Nothing remains of happiness and joy. The energy of envy, greed and pride breaks free. In the bottom line, we have unhappiness grown by the person himself. If you add heavy karma to this, the picture takes on a sad and sorrowful look.

Unhappiness can become the rotten fruit of ignorance. For example, interested persons inspired a man that he must live for the happiness of his great-grandchildren, whom he will never see. And here he is hunchbacked for the sake of someone else's, selfish goals. No one, of course, thinks about his great-grandchildren. Grabbers and burnouts think about their pockets, and such gullible, fanatical gullibles and suckers are used as they please.

Once a wise man was walking along the road, admiring the beauty of the world and enjoying life. Suddenly he noticed an unfortunate man hunched under an unbearable burden. Why are you subjecting yourself to such suffering? - Asked the sage. “I suffer for the happiness of my children and grandchildren.” The man replied. - My great-grandfather suffered all his life for the happiness of his grandfather, my grandfather suffered for the happiness of my father, my father suffered for my happiness, and I will suffer all my life, only so that my children and grandchildren become happy.

Has anyone in your family ever been happy? - asked the sage. - No, but my children and grandchildren will definitely be happy! - answered the unfortunate man. - An illiterate person will not teach to read, and a mole cannot raise an eagle! - Said the sage. - First learn to be happy yourself, then you will understand how to make your children and grandchildren happy!

An unhappy person is a peddler of unhappiness. He is full of failure. Trouble follows him. Unfortunately, it's contagious. It is dangerous to communicate with an unhappy person, because part of his karma passes to his environment. Take marriage. Marriage is an exchange of karmas. Having married an unlucky man, a woman shares his unfortunate fate with him. And vice versa, by marrying the favorite of unhappiness, you get her karma in all its glory.

The oligarch comes to the astrologer and says: - I want to divorce my wife. We are too different. She has already lagged behind me in terms of intelligence. I'm not interested in her. The astrologer carefully studied the fate of the spouses and says: - Do you know why you became an oligarch? By the karma of his wife. Your karma is to be a simple clerk. Once you divorce her, all your wealth is gone. You will go broke. You will be unhappy.

There lived an old man in the village. He was one of the unluckiest people in the world. The whole village was tired of him: he was always gloomy, always complaining, always bad mood, always sour. And the longer he lived, the more bilious he became, the more poisonous were his words. People avoided him: misfortune became contagious. Not being unhappy around him was somehow insulting. He created a sense of unhappiness in others as well. But one day, when he was eighty years old, the incredible happened - no one could believe it. Instantly, a rumor spread around everyone: “The old man is happy today, he doesn’t complain, he smiles, his face has even changed.” The whole village gathered. The old man was asked: - What happened to you? What's the matter?" “Nothing,” the old man replied. “For eighty years I tried to be happy and nothing came of it. So I decided to do without happiness. That's why I'm happy.

Petr Kovalev

01.12.2014

None of us are perfect. Everyone is overwhelmed with negative thoughts from time to time. But the question is whether you consider it your personal shortcoming or not. Psychology has proven that negativity is a flaw, a bad habit that needs to be fought.

University of California researcher Sonya Lubomirsky (below) wrote in Psychology Today that at least 40% of our happiness comes from ourselves.

Why only 40 percent?

The happy and unhappy mood is strongly influenced by heredity: some people are happy, others are simply unhappy by nature. Twin studies have shown that genes account for 50% of differences in happiness between people. Other scientists lift this bar up to 80%, but the majority still converges on 50%.

Circumstances can make a person happy or unhappy, but not for long and not by much. differences in health, education, marital status, as well as the presence of big wins and losses in life, explain only 10% of the differences in happiness levels. And to the bad, and to good man getting used to. Unfortunately, much faster. This return to a base level of happiness is what psychologists call hedonic adaptation.

A person can forge his own happiness within the remaining 40%, Lubomirsky believes. Here happiness depends on his perception and reaction to external events. Lubomirsky asked her respondents how they were affected by external events, material acquisitions, and active actions.

Based on these experiences, Lubomirski calls seven main traits and habits of chronically unhappy people.

1. Life is hard - it's the law

Happy people know that life can be quite difficult sometimes, but take the experience with curiosity and not as a sacrifice. They take responsibility for being in a puddle and focus on how to get out of an unpleasant situation faster.

Persistence in solving an endless pile of problems is a sure sign happy person. Unhappy people, on the contrary, have learned in childhood that life is hard and unfair, they seem to constantly repeat: “Look what happened to me and what I had to endure.” They usually react nervously when they hear someone talking about an easy and wonderful life.

2. Most people are not trustworthy.

I won't say that you have to have healthy insight, but most happy people trust those with whom they communicate regularly. They believe in the best qualities of others. They are open and friendly. Happy people meet new people easily and appreciate the feeling of belonging to a community.

Unhappy people, on the other hand, do not trust most others. And they don't open up to them. They assume that strangers always want to trick them. Unfortunately, this habit sooner or later ends in loneliness. And loneliness is one of the main reasons for the eternally gloomy mood.

3. Concentration on the horrors and bad sides of this world

There is a lot of evil in the world, and, unfortunately, many people think and talk about it too often. When you discuss world problems with people, and each of your positive messages comes across “yes, but ...”, then you are talking to a deeply unhappy person.

Happy people also like to talk about global issues, but they usually talk not about wars, conflicts and global warming, but about new technologies, progress, economic prospects.

4. Eternal comparison of oneself with others, causing envy and resentment

Unhappy people do not consider the success of others as luck. They believe that successful people there is a lack of kindness and supposedly an understanding that they are "just lucky." This triggers their emotional mechanism for the emergence of jealousy and resentment.

Happy people know that luck and external circumstances are only part of their success. Happy people know that they are creating something that no one can steal from them. They believe in unlimited possibilities.

5. Vigilantly ensure that nothing bad happens, constantly control your life

There is a significant difference between the manic desire for control and the desire to achieve goals. Happy people try every day to do something that will bring them closer to a good future, and understand that for this they will have to neglect some aspects of their lives.

Unhappy people, on the contrary, worry about everything at once, worry that in the future everything may be worse than it is, and try to "keep everything under control." This mode of constant vigilance and anxiety is very draining.

The key to happiness is to stay focused and focused, and not constantly think about what bad things can happen. Learn concentration!

6. The future causes anxiety and fear

Unhappy people fill the space between their ears with thoughts of what else could go wrong. Happy people, on the other hand, allow themselves to “forget” about some of the dangers in the future and tune in to the best. They, of course, also sometimes worry about "whatever happens", but there is a big difference between "sometimes" and "always".

7. Communication is gossip and complaining

Unhappy people would like to live in the past. All they talk about about themselves is deprivation and hardship. When they don't have them, they simply won't have anything to tell.

Happy people live in the present moment and dream about the future. When you talk to them, you feel positive vibrations emanating from them. They are glad that they have a job, grateful that they have hope. And, yes, they talk about successes, not about the failures and embarrassments of others. Although they rarely discuss other people at all.

Reference: Sonya Lubomirsky is a professor at the University of California, Riverside. Today, she is a global authority on happiness research. In 1976, her parents took her from the USSR to the USA.

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Everyone around is talking about it. How to be happy, but about what they are, unhappy people, not everyone knows.

1. Striving for excellence

Unhappy people are overwhelmingly perfectionists. They constantly strive for the ideal and are upset that it turns out to be farther and farther away. Whatever they do, they always notice that someone has something better, that someone has succeeded in something more than they do. Therefore, if they experience moments of happiness, it is extremely rare and not for long.

2. Dissatisfied social circle

A person cannot live in isolation, he needs to communicate. As a rule, he selects the circle of communication for himself. Therefore, if you want to know what kind of unhappy people they are, find one unhappy one and follow his social circle. Remember, never meet such people. No matter how cheerful a person you are, constant interaction with them will make you exactly the same. If such thoughts come from within you, you will have to work on yourself. By the way, unhappy people never work for themselves.

3. The habit of unhappy people to live not now

Unhappy people either constantly remember the past, constantly experiencing it, or they dream or worry about the future all the time. Moreover, most often, both in the past and in the future, it is the negative that attracts us. We chew on old grievances, we dwell on our fears about what has not yet happened and may not happen at all. All this is a persistent habit of unhappy people and prevents us from living happily ever after. Remember that there is a time for sadness, that there is a time for sadness - we have experienced everything, and we move on.

4. Constant comparison with others

This is another bad habit of unhappy people. They are constantly comparing their achievements and what they have with others. But in fact, anyone can have something better than you. And the more these differences are in favor of someone, the more painful the comparison is. Why be selfish? Isn't it better to focus on yourself?

5. Focus on the negative

Usually we remember and notice only the bad things around us: how unlucky we were, how we screwed up, etc. Over time, it becomes so habitual that it becomes a way of life. Don't believe? Go to the store, pharmacy, bank and watch the old ladies. For the most part, they are a vivid example of such a life. Do you want to look like this in 50 years? Change your way of thinking right now.

6. Considering the opinions of others

And what will people say - this is the most unnecessary question in the life of any person. But, unfortunately, most of them are guided by it in life. Do you think that everyone is watching your behavior and just waiting for you to screw up? In fact, no one really cares about you. Even if they notice it, they will not remember for long. And all the time looking back at someone's opinion, you slow down your development.

7. Making life harder

Many people like to overcome obstacles - this also develops. But someone is so afraid to go forward that he invents difficulties for himself. Or he creates them on purpose. We must be able to distinguish one from the other.

What to do?

Cope with your perfectionism, set realistic goals and variable deadlines for their implementation;
give up TV, radio and unpleasant acquaintances, surround yourself with positive;
forgive and let go of your mistakes;
do not compare yourself and your achievements with others;
do not think about the opinions of others;
Don't look for problems where there aren't any.

If you stick to these rules, over time you will also become interested in what they are, unhappy people - you will forget what it is.

What does this really mean? Put on a smile, deny the existence of problems, “make” yourself lucky? Which one of us is happy? Who among us is not happy? Who hasn't decided yet? Who's having a bad day today? And who is immersed in depression and does not see bright colors at all?

Being unhappy or dissatisfied is not the same as being depressed!

A bad day is part of our Everyday life is a temporary emotion. But the fact remains that people are depressed, unhappy people, experiencing more unhappiness than other people. Many people state of happiness or misfortune, maybe change several times a day, depending on situations (like pouring water from glass to glass). Some experience more happiness than unhappiness, while others - the dominant prevails in a negative light.

To find out the difference, consider the characteristics of Happy and Unhappy.

“Remember that happiness does not depend on what position you hold, nor on what you have. It depends entirely on what you think" - Dale Carnegie.

unhappy people

Waiting for something to make them happy.
Envy successful people

“Envy is the art of counting other people's gifts instead of your own.- Harald Coffin.

People of negativity are not able to see the light.
People of negativity often compare themselves to others (others live better than me)

Resentment corrodes them like rust.
They envy what others have.

“You will never have enough of what you don't need to be happy,” – Eric Hoffer.

Feel underappreciated and disappointed.

“People who seek recognition only in the outside world put their happiness at the disposal of others." - Dale Carnegie.

They are afraid of change.

“The most unhappy people are those who are afraid of change- Minion McLaughin.

Self-centered, antisocial, antagonistic.

“If there were many people in the world today who wished happiness for themselves more than other people's misfortune, we would live in paradise in a few years.- Bertrand Russell.

Unhappy people do not trust others, they are suspicious that they are depriving themselves of community and the development of friendship and support…..
They don't like their job.

“Work is the curse of the drinking class- Oscar Wilde.

Vindictive, vengeful.

“I learned… that when you think about how to get revenge on someone, you only allow that person to continue torturing you.” Andy Rooney.

Tense and tight

“There is no tension in the world, there are only tense thoughts and actions generated by them.- Wayne Dwyer.

Think negatively

“The only reason for unhappiness is your false ideas about yourself and about life, and so overgrown that it doesn’t even occur to you to question them.- Anthony de Mello.

Complain and grumble and cannot find a way out of their problems and circumstances
Their emphasis is on the negative (sees only the bad) and focus is “everything is wrong!”. They always complain!
Negativists try to take everything under control, and when something does not go according to plan in their lives, nervous breakdowns, drama and sadness, the end of life.
Such people are afraid of everything and go in cycles in fear and move in circles in their problem.

Happy people

Happy now, enjoy every moment.

“Only I myself, and not some events, can make myself happy or unhappy today. I can make this choice. Yesterday has already passed, tomorrow has not yet come. I have only today and I'm going to be happy today!- Groucho Marx.

Admire great people and learn from them

“Only the person who has learned a lot from others can generate ideas worthy of attention.” – Konosuke Matsushita.

Trust others - open and friendly and maintain a sense of community. They believe that there is good in this world.
They enjoy what they have.

“A table, a chair, a plate of fruit and a violin - what else does a person need to be happy?" - Albert Einstein.

Self-confident, kind and friendly.

“Live a life that makes you kind and friendly to other people, and you will be pleasantly surprised at how happy your life becomes.- Charles Schwab.

Create positive change.

“Happy are only those who are not focused on their own happiness, but on how to make other people happier, how to improve the world, on some art or true hobby, and concentrated not on how to do something, but on the most ideal result. By striving for something unselfish, they are on the way and find happiness.” – Norman R. August.

Compassionate, loving, sociable.
Doing what they love

“Success in its highest and noblest form includes peace of mind, joy and happiness, which can only be achieved if a person has found a job that he truly loves.- Napoleon Hill.

Understanding, forgiving.

“Forget the pain you've been hurt, but never forget the good- Confucius.

Creative and innovative.

“Happiness is continuous creative activity - Baba Amte.

Happy people have dreams, ideas, and goals, a vision.

“She feels that her occupation is good, and her lamp does not go out even at night. Fortress and beauty are her clothes, and she cheerfully looks at the future”. Prov. 31:18, 25.

They know that tribulation will pass and they take responsibility for their condition.

“He will call to Me, and I will hear him; I am with him in sorrow; I will deliver him and glorify him“. Ps.90:15

Happy people know that life can be hard!
Happy people strive for the highest goal, knowing that there are things beyond their control!
Happy people are more flexible and do not break as quickly when grieving! (blessed are the flexible - they won't break)

“He will not break a bruised reed, and he will not quench smoking flax; will judge in truth“. Isaiah 42:3

People of optimism, do not live in one-time glasses, they recognize that the world lies in evil, but they balance with their attitude and behavior...

Choose happiness!

Tatyana Pinchuk (following the lecture by Anton Kolganov ShKVTs, module 10),

I am 30. I am an unhappy person. I understand that there is no reason for this, I understand that you don’t have to whine, on the contrary, how you set yourself up and you will feel. For some reason, simple things that make normal people happy do not interest me, for example, a partner, children, and the arrangement of my home. I don’t need anything. There is emptiness inside me. You are experts, tell me what is wrong with me? Maybe my self-esteem is too high? And how to lower it?

Psychologists Answers

Hello Asel

The question is that something inside you hurts and suffers. You also talk about feeling empty inside. What is happening to you is important and needs to be understood, explored. It's not about attitude, at least with you in this situation, a simple attitude won't work. You need to take care of yourself, take care of your soul.

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Hello Assel. Of course, it is very sad when a person ceases to enjoy life. I think that high self-esteem has nothing to do with it, your feeling of emptiness is more alarming. It just couldn't happen that way. It is important to explore this state of yours only then it is possible to do something with it.

All the best, Ella.

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Hello Asel. The fastest way is you for a long time do not live in harmony with yourself. Normally, a person enjoys life when he lives according to his desires and interests. He tries to do what he likes. Most likely, you do not know how to live like that. You probably live from the word Must, or , I MUST. And this is a complete mismatch with yourself. You will be tired of a new day, already getting out of bed in the morning. cold, indifference, depression, regret, boredom. And nothing will happen until you change your attitude towards yourself. To live from the word I WANT, you must love yourself and be in line with your desires. there will be sparks in the eyes.

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Hello Assel!
Perhaps you are now going through some kind of life crisis, when a person evaluates what he has achieved in life and what else he would like. At the age of 30, their true values ​​begin to appear, and it happens that they run counter to the generally accepted ones. Try to give yourself some time to be with this emptiness in your soul. Perhaps there is some kind of restructuring going on in it now, and this will take time. If you feel that this emptiness does not take you to a new level of life, a new understanding and vision of life, but, on the contrary, drags you into a depressive swamp, then it makes sense to turn to a psychologist to understand what is behind this emptiness and what you need now. soul.
Good luck! Svetlana.

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