What to do if a mother is threatened by her son. What to do if threatened with physical violence? Why parents hate their own children

I am 68 years old. I had three children. Twin girls and a son, whom I gave birth to at the age of 37. In 1993. my daughter died, it is very difficult for me to come to terms with this terrible grief, but life goes on. The second daughter has been living in Germany for 20 years, and I live with my son. Two years ago, my granddaughter/daughter of the deceased daughter died, and my great-grandson stays with me. He turned 6 yesterday. My problem is with my son. Whatever I do causes a violent negative reaction in him and he insults me and mimics me. I am a disabled person of the 2nd group, I walk very badly and have become very fat, but I work, do translations and tutoring. The son is a lawyer by profession, does not smoke or drink, and recently began to live with a girl. I am very glad about this, because I asked God about it all the time. The girl is good and I try to be on the same level. But my son treats me with great disrespect. Everything annoys him in me and it doesn’t cost him anything to insult me ​​obscenely, and the great-grandson hears all this and says don’t cry, granny, when I grow up I will protect you. I understand you have to live, but all sorts of thoughts come to mind. I am needed only to use my money, and I do not feel sorry for anything, but I am also a person and I want at least some support. I would really like to talk and get some advice from those who have already encountered such a problem .....
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Olga Leonidovna, age: 68/08/29/2015

Responses:

Nick, age: 42 / 08/30/2015

Hello! Maybe your son should separate and live separately. You are so well done that you are raising a great-grandson boy, I hope over the years he will become your support and support. Take care of yourself! God bless you!

Irina, age: 27/30/08/2015

Hello, I really sympathize with you. I understand that your son is already an adult. Maybe offer him to live separately? If he is so annoyed by communication with you. This would probably be the best option. A great-grandson is your great consolation, small children are so responsive. Ask God for strength to help you, probably no one else. Sorry that I didn’t advise anything sensible, I just wanted to express my sympathy, because I've run into the same problem myself.

Anna, age: 49 / 08/30/2015

Calm down, don't worry like that. Your family needs you, so you shouldn't commit suicide. Your son behaves unworthily. You need strength to raise your great-grandson, he loves and appreciates you. You are needed at work. I hope that your worries will decrease.

Kolya, age: 08/31/2015

Dear Olga Leonidovna, look at this situation from a different point of view: from the point of view of your son’s mental health. Don’t be alarmed, there is nothing reprehensible in my phrase. in relation to you, capricious, arrogant and irritable? Remember? Where does that come from? I see two scenarios for the development of events. Once he committed the wrong act (for example, he went to the wrong place to study or work), which entailed a number of unpleasant internal psychological problems for him. And these problems turn out to be unsolvable for him, except for how to live with and suffer them. So he suffers, not understanding how to cut this Gordian knot in order to feel like a normal happy person, as he once did before. He solves his internal conflict at the expense of the most patient (possibly kind and meek) person. - you.
.for those around him important people he cannot show his psychological inadequacy. There he is polite and correct. If you find his internal conflict and help him resolve it, you will make him happy and calm and provide yourself with a more peaceful life. Actually, this is the work of a psychologist-psychotherapist, if I I’m not mistaken. You may not be able to do it. The second option is the biochemistry of the brain is disturbed and, as a result, such irritability, intolerance, while close and patient, and then it can go to strangers in transport, on the street, to those who cannot fight back. This is a mental disorder that is treated by psychiatrists. There can be many reasons for such violations of brain biochemistry. Everything is treated. Do not be shy, contact doctors, psychologists and psychotherapists. You will definitely be helped to deal with this problem.

Lyudmila, age: 65 / 08/30/2015

I was so touched by your story! how much have you fallen .. to survive so many losses (((I don’t know why your son treats you like that .... maybe he really needs to live separately? or you and your great-grandson - separately from them .... I wish you health and your great-grandson, and your daughter, and your son! may the Lord give him wisdom and love... and you.. peace and joy!! in no case leave your great-grandson!!! hold on, Dear Woman! The Lord is with you !

Marina, age: 38 / 30.08.2015

In fact, what I saw from my mother and her environment - strong, active, powerful women take care of their sons too much in childhood and adolescence, and this manifests itself in different ways. Someone controls every step, call, hates all the son's girlfriends. Someone says, even if any, but in front of my eyes, while consciously and unconsciously putting pressure on the young family, still showing who is the true owner here.

Release your son, finally, on a solitary voyage, where he will be the master, and not you. It is not necessary that they use your resources, leave them to yourself and your great-grandson, and let the young live on their own, on their own resources, it would be time already! Set aside for yourself better at a sanatorium or at the sea with a boy!

Many people, being actually born, remain psycho-emotionally in the mother's umbilical cord. So, please, parents of your son, now as a mature man who is responsible for himself and the family that he created. For your earnings, your decisions. If he allows disrespect, then he must go and be the master. How can. But without you.

Alina, age: 30 / 08/31/2015

Olga Leonidovna, how hard it is for you. I did not face such a problem due to my age, I am younger than you. But observed similar situations in some families. Poor attitude of grown sons to mothers. And it happened like this: the mother gives everything, sacrifices everything for the sake of her son, and he behaves ungratefully, is rude, rude, offends and even beats. And the mother endures everything. Should this be brought to a situation? This is probably a question of ingratitude. And it seems to me that the person must be stopped. We cannot leave the situation as it is. It is harmful both for you and for your son. Because it could get worse. Can't you leave? You fulfilled your maternal duty, raised him, and you are not obliged to live together. If he doesn't like living with you so much, let him live separately. He builds his life the way he sees fit. And you will not interfere with him. And, of course, a small child sees everything, and this is not useful to him. Because now he says so, and then he may simply lose respect for you, because they learn bad things faster than good ones.
Is it possible to talk to your daughter, maybe she will somehow help you? Maybe you could move in with her, or otherwise resolve this issue with her help?

Olya, age: 42 / 08/31/2015

Thanks everyone. My son worked in Moscow for 2 years while renting an apartment. But now the firm has burst and he decided to work at home through. Provides legal services, representation in courts. He does not want to work in Moscow and rent an apartment there. Moreover, he began to live with the girl and also persuaded her to quit and work just like him. The girl is golden, but she is still young and looks into his mouth and listens to him unconditionally. And I can’t live with my daughter in Germany. It is in this country that only legal residence is required, neither a sick mother nor any other possibilities can get me permission to stay in Germany for more than 90 days a year. But I made a decision for myself - to stop giving money. I have a great-grandson, and his development is very, very expensive. Because of my legs, I can’t take him to circles and go to Moscow to the circus, zoo, etc. But this doesn’t mean that he doesn’t go anywhere. The kid goes everywhere, but I have to pay the nanny for everything. that's pretty decent money. But now the issue is being resolved about my barry plastic surgery / this is suturing the stomach / and here, too, money is needed and it is a pity that the son does not have any moral participation. Of course, I myself am to blame for everything, but you can’t return time back. According to the horoscope, my son is Bull, Aries, and he has all the nigots inherent in this sign in full. He is infuriated by my condition that I can barely walk, mimics, my fullness irritates him greatly. There is nowhere to go and I will have to drink this cup. When I met such students, I was horrified and never thought that I would also have to experience all this for myself.

Thank you. Of course, only I myself am to blame, and it is clear that there is no going back. I continue to pretend that I did not notice his insults and humiliation of me - there is simply no other way out. He liked living at my expense. But that's enough, then I won't support him, he's already 30 and he has a specialty. He rented an apartment when he worked. anyway, the lawyer will receive 50,000 rubles. But for this you need to get up early every day and go by train for an hour and a half to Moscow and back the same amount. He persuaded his girl to work at home on a computer. And he doesn’t see that it’s time to grow up and support himself. And he always blames me for not having enough money, so normal parents gave an apartment and bought a car from this or that friend who? And mimics how I walk. I move with great difficulty, my legs hurt, disability is group 2. And I also need to put my great-grandson on my feet.

Olga Leonidovna, age: 68 / 08/31/2015

Dear Olga Leonidovna, I sympathize with you, not a single mother deserved such a boorish attitude. With your love and care, you put him on your neck, it seems to me that you need to decisively dot all the points, to voice that he is an adult and at this age people already take care of their children and help their parents. It's a shame to take money at the age of 30 from a woman, not like from her mother. Do not let yourself be offended in any way. I hug you and hope you change the situation.

Anna, age: 34 / 31.08.2015

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Hello Tatyana Yurievna! Unfortunately, sometimes you really have to see a picture of how adult children become a big and intractable problem for their parents. In your case, I can recommend at least two ways to solve this problem. But, in both cases, you will need all your courage, determination and patience.

Firstly, and this, it seems to me, is the most acceptable option - to exchange an apartment, giving part of it to your son, and go far enough yourself so that he can no longer find you and harm you. Here you should think about how to convince him that it will be better, first of all, for him. After all, for sure, on the one hand, he wants independence from you, and on the other hand, he depends on you financially, and therefore, perhaps, he will cling to any opportunity to be near you and receive financial assistance from you. Whether it's just food, pocket money, or the ability to have a roof over your head. You know your son better and therefore analyze what arguments in favor of changing the apartment will have the best effect on him. Maybe these will be your exhortations that in this way he will quickly find some woman and be able to start his own family. Or maybe he will be influenced by the persuasion that, living separately, he can do whatever he wants, and at the same time you will not annoy him. Here, the main thing is not to let him understand that he may not be able to live alone without you, because he is not used to providing for himself, and simply taking care of himself. But you should not feel sorry for such an offspring, because, observing many such people, you invariably come to the conclusion that they do not change in better side, and therefore they themselves go to the bottom and drag their loved ones there with them. I advise you to act decisively and firmly. Change your apartment, move very far if necessary, break all ties with people through whom your son can find you. Because, having understood his dependence on you, he will again begin to look for ways to be close to you in order to pull money and strength from you for his life ...

The second way I see Once again, when you and your son get in trouble, try to prove the fact of beating, a real threat to your life on his part. Write a statement, sue, put him in jail, despite the fact that this is your own son. You need to collect convincing evidence and provide it to the police (if she herself does not want to deal with this case closely) that your son really beats you and threatens to take your life. Think for yourself what is more important for you - to lose your life and health because of a false sense of kinship in this case, or to start living calmly, knowing that your malicious son is in prison and, at least for some time, will not be able to harm you pain. During the time he is in prison, if it is legally possible (for example, he does not have his own share in a privatized apartment), sell the apartment and leave for another city, country or remote village. In my opinion, a quiet life is much more important than the fact of living, for example, in a metropolis or a prestigious job.

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- My son beats me,- with such a recognition, one neighbor came to another.

Two women who had been friends for a long time were united by one misfortune. They helped, nursed each other when one of them was lying with broken ribs or an arm, or even with a concussion. They didn't work for dangerous work. They did not suffer from serious illnesses. They had one grief for two - the violence of children over their parents.

Life has become unbearable. Expect the situation to resolve itself? Is there any point in this patience? Will it bring positive results? All precisely substantiated answers to questions can be obtained at the training System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan.

Let's talk in more detail.

Adult daughter beats mother: what to do

The alarm sounds louder in society, in the media about the problem of domestic violence. But more often they talk about beatings of minors, about the fact that spouses raise their hands against each other. If such a case occurs, there are special services, helplines, points where an injured teenager or a beaten wife can turn. There will be shelter for them, and they will connect to help social workers and law enforcement services.

But if children abuse their parents - where to go, who to contact? We do not have such representatives who would deal with this problem. Unpromising. Who needs these old people...

- My son beats me, what should I do? one of the women cries.

- An adult daughter beats her mother,- with tears echoes the other.

Unbearable moral pain is added to the physical. The one to whom he gave his whole life is your child! Now he's trying to take it from you.

What is the way out of the situation? Why don't you call the police? "Whatever he may be, but he is my child, I feel sorry for him."

Why parents hate their own children

Both women are wonderful mothers, kind, loving. For the last 35 years they have lived side by side, next door. They raised children together. Raised no worse than others. One is a widow, she worked two jobs so that her son had everything. The second daughter grew up in a complete family, was the youngest, spoiled.

Children are always shod, dressed, well-fed. Of course, sometimes they received a belt, not without it. But I wanted to bring up good, honest people. They tried for them. They grew up like that - they don't drink, they don't take drugs, good job. It is all the more surprising that respectable citizens do such evil.

- I'm beaten by an adult son,- such a recognition can be heard from many women.

Yuri Burlan at the training System-Vector Psychology reveals that it is people with an anal vector that are capable of causing bodily harm. By nature, these are the most caring daughters and sons. The most decent, honest, good-natured.

Since childhood, they are strongly attached to their mother. They need parental approval, they try to be the best so that their parents praise. For them, mother is a saint.

These are people who have excellent memories. They are tied to the past. They remember their childhood very well. And only they are able to be offended, remember insults and carry them through their whole lives. You can often hear from them that their mother loved their brother or sister more.

My son beats me: reasons

Yuri Burlan at the Systemic Vector Psychology training gives a psychological portrait of a person and explains why he commits violence against his parents.

Beating a father or mother is nothing more than a desire to get a discharge, taking out their pain and resentment. A man not from joy rushes with his fists at his relatives. He screams and howls in pain!

Those same loving, wonderful parents, of course, also brought up their child with a belt out of great love. They did not understand that they were the only guarantor of safety and security for the baby.

When parents undeservedly offend their son or daughter, scream or beat, they stop the child in his mental development. He does not have time to develop to the best qualities inherent in him by nature. And such a child becomes a cruel sadist in adulthood.

Sometimes mom doesn't have much time. She comes late from work, tired, she still has to cook, clean, wash. And the child wants to play, talk. He lacks his mother's warmth and participation.

Then he grows up and says: “I didn’t give enough, I didn’t like it.” Recorded grievances from childhood grow, acquire new ones. Someone all his life cannot forgive his parents and reproaches. And someone starts to take revenge.

For example, the famous Soviet-era announcer Valentina Leontiev, who hosted her favorite children's programs "Visiting a fairy tale", " Goodnight, kids, ”the adult son beat. He took revenge on his mother for the fact that for millions of children she was the beloved aunt Valya, while he suffered from loneliness and dreamed of being with his mother.

You can't leave everything to chance

The past cannot be changed, even if you understand where you made mistakes. It is necessary to figure it out right now: when an already adult son beats his mother - what to do.

If you feel that there is a chance to improve relations, try to talk heart to heart with an adult child. Ask to tell why the son behaves this way. Listen carefully, don't interrupt, don't make excuses. Let me express everything in the most calm and friendly atmosphere. Have pity on your child. Try to understand how bad he is.

Choose the right words, you know his weaknesses and habits best of all. Support and tell how much you love him. Don't hold back your feelings. If you decide to have this conversation, let it be sincere.

But if you have gone through repeated, brutal beatings, you need to ring all the bells. Many parents who have been abused by their children continue to hide and endure in the hope that everything will work out.

You say going to the police is a last resort. It is necessary to clearly understand that the beatings will not stop, they will only go on increasing. One day the "executioner" will not be able to stop and complete his work. You can justify and forgive your child in your soul, but not become a victim. You definitely need to take care of yourself. Your son or daughter is now an adult and should be legally responsible for their behavior.

Son beats mother: what to do

For this question, you will receive accurate and specific advice at the free online training Systemic Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan. You will be able to understand the underlying causes of violence against parents in the family, to even out your own conditions in order to stop being a victim. Learn to understand your children and build emotional connections in such a way as to become the closest and dearest people.

You have a great chance to become a happy united family again. Most importantly, you can radically change your life for the better.

Register for a free online training Systemic Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan at the link.

The article was written using the materials of Yuri Burlan's online training "System-Vector Psychology"

often read

Seeing your son beautiful and healthy in a dream portends news of his happiness and well-being.

But if in a dream you see that he is sick, injured, pale, etc., then expect bad news or trouble.

If you dream that your son killed you, then after your death he will inherit your fortune.

The dream in which you saw that your son died portends you great concern for his well-being.

Sometimes such a dream may indicate that your child has excellent health and your worries are groundless.

If in a dream your son is calling you, then soon he will need your help.

If you dream that you have a son, although in fact you have no children, then you will have to courageously endure future troubles or material losses.

Sometimes such a dream warns of great experiences. See interpretation: children, relatives.

The dream in which you saw that your son was born portends unrest and worries.

Interpretation of dreams from the Family Dream Book

Subscribe to the channel Dream Interpretation!

Often, threats to life are actions that are aimed at promising reprisals against a person, causing him physical and moral suffering. As practice shows, today, employees of a collection agency are mainly threatening with reprisals - people and companies that buy up the debts of some creditors from a banking institution and begin to demand that they pay off the debt as soon as possible.

Important! Collectors have no right to threaten you. Warn the caller that the conversation is being recorded, and death threats and extortion from debt collectors will result in criminal liability.

At the beginning of the conversation, ask the agency employee to introduce himself, that is, he must provide his data:

• the full name of the company and its legal address;
• job title;
• contacts for feedback.

By law, the person representing the relevant organization is required to provide all of the above information.

If death threats continue, you need to contact law enforcement and file a complaint with the prosecutor's office.

Important! You should not be afraid to contact the police in this situation. Until the judicial authority issues an order to repay the debts, you are not a delinquent in the eyes of the law.

Threats via email

A letter with threats is the main proof of the fact of a threat to life. Try to leave the letter in the state in which you saw it for the first time. Do not leave fingerprints on paper, do not write anything on it. It is worth determining the delivery time, as well as remembering how it was delivered, which was unusual when the letter was received. Show the letter to your acquaintances and friends.

What to do if you are threatened by phone?

Often cellular used when it is necessary to intimidate a debtor, enemy, or competitor. In this case, the attacker uses not only calls for threats, but also the distribution of SMS messages with death threats. There are situations when an attacker calls a certain number, then hangs up with the aim of psychologically influencing a person.

In such situations, you need to remember the conversation as accurately as possible, but rather record it on an external or built-in recording device. The messages themselves must be saved on the phone, since only in this way they have probative value.

If the calls are recorded, or you only have a phone number, it doesn't matter, first of all you need to contact the telephone company or mobile operator to get a summary of incoming calls. According to the data provided relevant organization, police officers will be able to determine whether the calls were received, how many and from which phone number.

Threatened personally

If someone threatens you personally, remember it: appearance, what he is wearing, height, other features. Unfortunately, relatives and acquaintances often threaten with violence. For example, a son threatens his mother, and also, if a partner or father threatens to kill you, try recording the words on a voice recorder and attract witnesses.

Important! If possible, pay off your debts or do what the criminals ask you to do. Otherwise, you will not get the desired result of your perseverance. Most importantly, do not be alone with your problem.

Where to turn if threatened with violence?

The most dangerous threats are considered threats of physical violence (murder, harm to health). If you receive such threats, you should not try to resolve the situation yourself. This can lead to tragic consequences.

AT The Criminal Code of the Russian Federation has article 119, which provides for liability for the threat of murder or infliction of grievous bodily harm. Thus, if you are threatened with violence, you need to contact the district office law enforcement and demand (based on the specified article) that your application be accepted.

Important! Today, police officers most often refuse to accept such applications. In this case, you can go to detective agency. Its employees can record threats on a voice recorder or film how attempts are being made to translate them into reality on video. In addition, the staff of this agency will take all measures to ensure your safety.

So, having received the necessary evidence of a threat to life, attach it to the application to the police, and law enforcement officers will not be able to refuse to accept it.

ATTENTION! Due to recent changes in legislation, the information in the article could be out of date! Our lawyer will advise you free of charge - write in the form below.