I just know what to do next. Life has lost its meaning - what to do, how to live on? Psychologist's advice. Take care of yourself

Psychologist's answer.

Hello Dmitry. Firstly, I want to say that every person who was able to get drugs out of his life can rightfully be proud of himself and feel respect for himself.

You write that previously everything was good or almost good. In fact, any situation where there is a place for drugs cannot be good. Definitely, now you are in a better position, despite the erection problems that bother you, the temperature and the lack of communication. But these problems can be solved if you understand what they are connected with.

You used to be chasing material wealth“rented an apartment, had a good salary…” and considered themselves successful thanks to them. They believed that it was the presence of these values ​​in your life that gives you the right to respect yourself, consider your life accomplished, have many friends, interests, a girlfriend and not have problems in sexual life. But life proves the opposite if we begin to give too much importance to material values ​​​​and external tinsel. We begin to judge ourselves by how we look in the eyes of other people. Because the meaning of life is not at all in this, but in the development of natural abilities, their improvement, application in the area that you have chosen for yourself. It is thanks to this that a person can truly be satisfied with himself, be in harmony with himself, create satisfactory relationships with others and understand why he lives.

When does a person start taking drugs? If he does not want to take responsibility for his own life. And how can you take responsibility for your life if external factors are at the forefront? material values? There are never too many of them and there is always a fear of not being up to par, of losing them. So drugs come to the rescue.

Erection problems occur if a man judges himself only by his material achievements and success at work, career advancement. And he does not find other values ​​for which he could respect and appreciate himself. In fact, what an erection is is the possibility of conceiving a child, prolonging one's kind, passing on one's genes to the next generations. And it is logical that if a person at some point considers his life unsatisfactory, not worthy of existence, then he will not want to create his own kind. And so there are problems with erection. As soon as you find what you live for (I repeat once again - these are your natural abilities that find application in your favorite business), then your erection will also return to normal.

As for the temperature. Chronic fever also has a psychosomatic basis, reflecting how vigorously the body tries to help burn or destroy the negativity that a person has absorbed. Chronic fever means that the person has already found the culprit, whether it is himself or another person in the situation in which he finds himself. It normalizes the faster, the faster you realize what the mistake was. Also, chronic fever speaks of long-standing and long-term anger, possibly at the parents. The same is evidenced by pain in the anus - this is the inability to this moment to get rid of the past, problems, resentment, negative emotions, feelings of guilt. Diseases associated with the pelvis and hips indicate a lack of goals. More precisely, until now these goals have not been formulated and designated for themselves. This is about psychosomatics. What to do with it now? Understand what exactly causes such emotions in you, “release” them in socially acceptable ways (you can also read more about this in the next question) or transform them into positive ones, direct the power of emotions overwhelming you to achieve your goals. Which - has already been mentioned earlier. By the way, the solution to this problem will reduce or even remove headaches, now your head hurts from thoughts overwhelming you, a seemingly impasse.

To restore, create a new social circle, you need to restore self-esteem, positive opinion About Me. It is difficult for a person to communicate if he has a negative opinion about himself. Remember, realize what you can be loved and appreciated for - relying now on new values, not on external indicators of your well-being, but internal ones, those that will always be with you, no matter what happens in your life; restore self-esteem and develop self-acceptance.

Where can you start communication - for example, register on the sites of former drug addicts (or others that meet your interests) or contact rehabilitation centers (as far as I understand, you live in a large city and you should have such).

If you liked the specialty that you previously studied at the institute, try to recover or choose another direction for yourself that is more suitable for your abilities and inclinations. Your social circle will automatically expand, and communication will meet your interests.

And I recommend that you read the following article: "A remedy for despair and heartache. Way out of an impasse". These are excerpts from a book by a well-known psychologist who used to take drugs. I think he knew what he was talking about.

And in general, you can get acquainted with the biographies of people who managed to recover from taking drugs and serious health problems (for example, actor Robert Diney Jr., and others.) Their positive life experience will show you that there is a way out, and a safe one, from any situation. Perhaps it will give you ideas on how best to proceed now. The only thing is that you need to take responsibility for your life in your own hands and do not chase after ephemeral values: external prestige, how you will look in the eyes of others, etc.

Remember, after which you abandoned the pills and entered a new round of life 3 months ago - when you distracted yourself from your problems and directed your energy to help another person. This is not just a coincidence, as it happens: by helping others, we help ourselves.

And I repeat once again, with regard to erection - it will be restored as soon as you find yourself, realize your virtues and abilities, find your comfortable place in life. And it's more than possible. It's up to you!

Good afternoon! I don’t know how to start my story, I’ll probably start with the fact that I moved many years ago to St. Petersburg. I lived, worked, enjoyed life, but it didn’t last long, after two years, I began to notice that I couldn’t understand why I live in this city, who my friends are .. and gradually began to sink into thoughts that I was alone in this city and I have no friends at all, but I didn’t want to return, because while living in my hometown, I felt the same thing, having arrived home for a while, I was depressed most of the time, thinking about what I should do later in life , but these thoughts were in a restless form, and I would say in despair, because having lived alone for 2 years, I practically howled from everything that happened to me. In general, then I decided to return, then there was a girl with whom we lived for 5 years, but to say that I have changed with her, probably not to say anything, at first I was optimistic about life, but over time, I realized that I couldn’t play my role at all, so in my opinion I don’t know how to do anything at all, and I don’t even understand what to do further in life, utter disorientation, in a relationship, he showed himself to be a complete nonentity, and now he was left alone. Often thoughts come about that I’m somehow not developed with brains, I don’t understand why everything happens like this, and I also want to say that I don’t communicate with people at all, all the signs are on my face a sick person, a fool removed from life, in this vein my life goes on alone with myself, I don’t understand what to do next in life, there are no friends, there are no prospects, I’m already trying on a noose around my neck and I’m still thinking when am I all the same I decide to do it, because I just don’t know any other options for events. Mom is the only factor that slows down my decision to bring it to the end, but thinking that this is how my whole life will go, I don’t want to live, to be honest, it looks like a squash lifestyle.
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Alexey, age: 08/31/2015

Responses:

Hi Alex, you know your situation is very similar to mine, only I’m 26 years old, I still haven’t found myself in my life and I’m bouncing around like this here and there without understanding what is better to do, so I understand your situation and I want to say that you can’t solve it all at once problem, you need time to think and try at random, what is right and what is yours, and so on. Despondency is a normal phenomenon in such scenarios, though it’s difficult to get rid of this state, because you think negatively and that everything is useless and in vain, I went to a psychologist, it became a little better, maybe you should go and try to understand yourself? Perhaps it will help, because an attempt is not torture all the same, again, the method of poke and trial. Hope all of us get through this! Good luck to us!!!

Alice, age: 26/20.08.2015

Hi Aleksey! We must find the meaning of life. The joy of life, a loved one. It will immediately become interesting and you will forget about loneliness. Life will be completely different. It becomes bright and saturated.

Elena, age: 32 / 20.08.2015

Eee! What suicide, man?! What are you? You are strong! Well, yes, you are hanging out in life for now, so who is to blame for this? Pushkin? And who will destroy everything? Think you can't do it? Is that you? Get it right, you're the man! Work you know, and not such treats. Come on, get a hard job, responsible, heroic, to help people. To drive an ambulance there, or a fireman, or the Ministry of Emergency Situations, if they take it. Yes, even just a nurse in the hospital. Though a lifeguard on the river! You will immediately see how much you are needed and how many people will say "thank you" to you. And you will establish relations with yourself, and there will be a woman. So it will be! Come on, don't be afraid! You're a coward - do it anyway, all heroes do this, there are no completely fearless ones! Do not think who will save you, think who you will save! So you will help others, and yourself, and self-respect will appear. This is worthy of you, worthy of a Man! I believe in you!

Julia, age: 38 / 20.08.2015

Good afternoon! You know, Alexey, it seems to me that you were greatly crippled by an unsuccessful relationship with a girl. But you broke up not because the "insignificance" somehow did not show itself, the feelings for each other simply disappeared - love, respect, understanding, it happens. Look for yourself, your place in life. You need to communicate with people, you are not on a desert island. Work, find hobbies for yourself, do not move away and do not isolate yourself from the outside world.

Irina, age: 08/27/2015

Alexei!
I can advise you to forget all the negative words with the prefix "not", do the exercise "200 smiles" every day - yes, you need to force yourself to smile. Do not be in despondency and self-pity... These are terrible emotions and a great sin!

Alice, age: 08/32/2015

Hello Alexey! Such sad thoughts come to you because you have not yet found meaning in this life. You do not know why and for what you live. For me, as for the Orthodox, the meaning of life is doing good deeds in the world for the benefit of people, acquiring god-like values ​​here on earth and faith in the resurrection of the body for eternal life. Life is a test to be passed. As they wrote here correctly, life is a test, war, and suicide is desertion, escape. Because Adam and Eve sinned, the Lord expelled people from paradise to sinful earth, but he gave us a choice. And what will we choose: to be saved or to die? For each person, God has chosen a special fate, a significant fate, to be saved and not to die, because the Lord loves us and wants only good for us. And I advise you to find your favorite thing in life. What it will be is up to you. Charity, teaching children sports, etc. And then your life will be full of communication and love, and your lifestyle will no longer look like a squash.

Kira, age: - / 08/22/2015

Hello Alexey. Your letter is clear and understandable, thank you. The situation is understandable, there is a way out. In the subconscious of each of us there is a pattern of behavior. It's not easy to match this perfectly. Accept yourself the way you are. To be yourself is just to understand that you have in stock important, necessary, useful things that you can use for yourself and others. You can change and must live. Go your own way. Thank God that everyone is different. We are here to live, to make others happy and to complete each other. Have your own opinion, don't be afraid. There are clichés in society and we try to conform to them, and if we try to resist, we risk being rejected. And we are in a dead end. It is necessary to learn daily to be more flexible in relationships. It is important to know about yourself: what you could do with full dedication, and what you can do at all. You need to try something new. Do not be scared. If you stumble, you can get up. But let's move on. You can do self-education or go to courses. Find a use for yourself in this life. It would be nice to change periodically, say after 3-4 years, because. and at the biological level in the human body there is an update. the same is connected with the change of our directions in the life of our possibilities. Unfortunately, we build our hopelessness with our own hands. Do not want to change ourselves? Why not"?. Alexey, I wish you good and light. Best regards, Galina

Galina 8, age: 46 / 08/22/2015

Hello everyone, Alex, fill the void in your soul, help others, become a volunteer. Life will gradually fill with meaning. it's difficult for you with people - there are animal shelters where volunteers are needed. Much harder to clean

Irina, age: 43 / 01.10.2015

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Question to the psychologist:

Good day! Yes, I am 13 years old and I hope I will not be denied help because of my age. I lost myself and I see this as a huge problem. It lasts about 6-7 months. But I feel that I alone can not cope with this problem. Someday I will be completely confused and want to lay hands on myself. It all started with the fact that I simply began to hide my feelings, that is, what is happening in my family or personal life. I didn’t say everything, let’s say that my mother has regular secrets from me, that she has found a man for herself and hides him from me, but I’m not stupid, I see. Sometimes I hear their conversations on the phone and I know that she sometimes deceives him. At first, this all irritated me very much, but now the main thing is that he does not come to us, I do not see him or hear him, he does not restrict my rights and thank God. She and her mother just meet somewhere, as I understand it. I have a fear, since childhood, one day, she brought a man into the house, he "chased" me off the bed and slept with my mother. I chewed a lot and I'm afraid of repeating this story. I still sleep with my mother, but when she says that "it's time for you to sleep alone," I say, "I'm scared," yes, it's scary, but not to sleep alone, but the fact that my mother will bring someone. But that's not the point, although I believe it is important point and I should have told you about it. Previously, I had some of my own principles, views, rules by which I lived and enjoyed life. Now I have constant depression. I often cry over every little thing and feel unwanted. Sometimes, I have such a state, as I call it "like in a movie", I just want to mourn beautifully, to the music. I’m afraid when my mother is late at work, I only think that “suddenly she will go to friends, have a drink there, and then I’ll wait for her half the night”, this rarely happens, pah pah pah, but I drive myself into a corner and into In such cases, I go to my grandmother, but I don’t tell her anything, supposedly “it just got boring at home, and I came to you.” I don’t know what such a turning point happened in my life that I changed. A close friend says that I am deceiving her, she tells how good she was with me before and says that this will not happen again. Maybe I just grew up? Or am I holding too much in? It is very difficult for me to solve problems with such a clouded head, something needs to be done about it. I want to live again and enjoy what is happening, and not wait until I grow up and leave to live away from problems. Please help.

The psychologist answers the question.

Hello Irina!

Let's talk about the features of your age. You are 13 years old - you are no longer a child, the hormonal restructuring of the whole organism begins. You notice that your body is changing, becoming more feminine. Such strong changes in your body occur under the influence of hormones, these hormones also affect your emotional state. Try to treat this soberly and calmly, now your emotions are sharper and change more often than in childhood. You need to understand: why this happens (the reason is the physiological maturation of the body - at the age of 13, many people feel unnecessary or sometimes experience depression due to severe hormonal changes). You need to learn how to manage your emotions. This ability will help you to be successful and happy in the future. To manage emotions, you need to understand their causes (you are growing up and growing very quickly now) and learn to notice their appearance and not completely immerse yourself in them, but observe emotions from the outside. Try it, it's interesting. Watch your emotions like fish in an aquarium. Do not obey all emotions, watch. To make it better, start playing sports or dancing. Physical activity will help balance your hormones. will give you the strength not to completely immerse yourself in a hurricane of emotions, but to observe them and stay in balance.

Sports, dancing or another hobby will help you solve another important task: start living your own interests and let your mother live hers. Think. what you love, what you are interested in and start doing it (draw, write poetry, dance, sculpt - do what you like, find something for your soul). The development of a child can be clearly seen from the side by the example of feeding. A mother breastfeeds a newborn child, this is the most useful for him. A child begins to be spoon-fed a year, but for now, mom, dad or grandmother feeds from a spoon. A child at 2-3 years old should learn to eat with a spoon himself and do it carefully. A child at the age of 5-6 learns to take care of others while eating (helps mom set the table, serves dad bread, etc.). An adult can earn money, buy groceries and feed himself and his loved ones. This is how we grow up. moving from breastfeeding to cooking and feeding others. those who are dear to us. It is important to complete all stages on time. It will be funny and sad if a child at 3 years old only eats from a bottle or at 6 years old spreads porridge on the table. It is already completely impossible for a boy or a girl at the age of 20 to be breastfed by her mother. Each age has its own challenges. At every age we learn something.

You are 13 years old, children often sleep with their parents in preschool age. At 13, it bothers you and your mom. Don't wait for her to offer you to sleep alone. Do it yourself. You are old enough for this. Don't be afraid to grow up, your age is beautiful. If you want to be happy in life, let mom be happy and have her own personal life. Otherwise, when later you want to have freedom, mom will also not be able to let you go (everything comes back). When you are 25, your mother will begin to age, and if now you do not learn how to live independently, she will no longer be ready for this, and you will really want this. So start now. You will always be close, dear people with your mother. But relatives should not entangle each other like chains, control, not give freedom. Close people are those who support, understand and respect each other. To make it easier for you to give your mother freedom, make your life interesting (talk with friends, study languages ​​and correspond in English, draw, dance - understand what is interesting to you and what is important to you).

“Today you want one thing - to die, and tomorrow you wake up and realize that you just had to go down a few steps, grope for a switch on the wall and see life in a completely different light ...” Anna Gavalda.

In the Middle Ages, a 45-year-old man was considered an old man. From the age of 7, boys began to comprehend military science, own weapons or learn their specialty. At the age of 16-18, the guys began to fight, at the age of 20 they started a family and children. The average life expectancy in Medieval Britain was 30 years. If a man was an aristocrat or a rich man, then he could live up to the age of 60 years. But that was more of an exception than the rule. By the age of 45, men fulfilled their duty, leaving home and offspring, and then went to another world.

Now everything has changed. Setting goals in life, looking for yourself and not starting a family until the age of 30 has become the norm. Then we get married, plan one or a couple of children. We pay loans, mortgages and pull the family. All the main goals have been achieved, after which a medieval man could pass away, making way for a new generation.

But what is a modern man to do? What to do if you are tired of life in your youth or middle age? You may not even have kids or a family. You just met dozens of girls in bed, tried a dozen jobs and traveled a dozen countries. But you're tired of life.

What to do next if you have lost interest in everything that is happening around and completely burned out from the inside? You don't know what to do You didn’t have time to enjoy life and enjoy everything, but you were always in a hurry somewhere. You were tired, like a medieval warrior, but you weren't very happy.

"Did you push yourself to the limit? Don't you see the point in living anymore? So, you are already close ... Close to the decision to reach the bottom in order to push off from it and decide to be happy forever. So don't be afraid of the bottom - use it." Vitaly Gibert

What to do next if you are tired of living?

1. Drop unfulfilled hopes and dreams

You didn't become a millionaire, superstar or MMA world champion before your age? Everything is fine. You raised your bar too high, you worked too hard, you tried too hard. Stop mourning for the person you never became. Not all dreams come true, but rather the opposite. All big childhood dreams never come true for 90% of people. You just need to throw them out and move on. Unattainable Goals and stupid dreams let them remain in the past. It's time to build new life with new dreams, goals and plans!

2. Change your lifestyle

Try to get rid of depression and blues by changing your lifestyle. You are unhappy because you live and do not what you want. Do you have an imbalance in your life? inner world. It devastates you and morally overwhelms you.

Find what interests you and makes you happy. It can be a hobby, sports, another job, a new relationship. Do something you've always wanted to do but kept putting off. Change your lifestyle to the one you want. Get more rest, sleep, eat well and exercise.

3. Stop blaming yourself and enjoy the little things

Stop blaming yourself for all sorts of troubles, mistakes and incorrectly chosen paths of life. Learn to forgive yourself. Learn not to play other people's roles and be yourself. Learn to love and pamper yourself. Rejoice in the little things in life: delicious coffee, the rays of the sun, communication with loved ones, a walk in the park.

4. Solve problems

Often cause emotional burnout is an unresolved problem: unsuccessful relationships, unpromising work, etc. This could be your Gordian knot. But as actor Jim Carrey said: "Problems must be solved, not washed down with pills." Cut your Gordian knot and solve the problems that plague you once and for all.

5. Believe in the future and find dreams

Tired of living? You will be awakened from a lethargic stupor, only new goals and dreams. Determine your true desires. What do you want the most right now? Just think well. find new way self-realization. Set yourself a new goal and make a plan. Believe in yourself and in your future.

Here is such an original and concise question I received in the mail from the reader Igor. The question, of course, is not specific, but judging by the analytics on the Internet, it is very relevant. And if the question exists, then the answer must be.

Behind the question "What to do?" there can be a different scale meaning - from elementary momentary idleness, to the search for the meaning of life. Let's take a look at some of the most common ways people ask this question, the main recommendations, and the key laws of decision making.

What should I do? Options, by situation

If you find yourself in a difficult, unpleasant, conflict or, as you think, hopeless situation.

1. You need to calm down and extinguish any negative emotions: , etc. Remember - “Never make responsible decisions in a negative or depressed psycho-emotional state”, in this case, any of your decisions will be wrong and destructive for you and your destiny. First, you need to remove the negative, emotions, regain positive or at least calmness, and only after that think, analyze and make decisions. Read more:

2. Next paper and pen will help you. When you have more or less calmed down and pulled yourself together, take a pen and write. Write down all the possible solutions to the situation that you can think of, for this, let go of yourself, your mind, give yourself free rein and write out briefly even the most incredible and fantastic options. Write the longest possible list - 10-20-30 points.

Then several times, slowly re-read all the options you wrote, if something else comes to your mind, add it to the list.

After that, cross out one option at a time. First of all, cross out those decisions that will lead to the most negative consequences if implemented (the most negative, radical). Think with your head, and not with your fifth point (resentment, fear, desire for revenge, etc.), for this, clearly imagine all the consequences of this decision, so as not to become an enemy to yourself.

What to sacrifice? When in the decision-making process such a question (dilemma) arises in front of you - always sacrifice your weakness and negativity (resentment, etc.), and not your fate, relationships, prospects or the fate of your loved ones, even if you are offended by them . Remember, if you follow your weakness, resentment, rage, cowardice, or pride, you will never win or win, but only lose. And if you can find the strength in yourself to step over your own pride and pride, overcome resentment and conquer fear in yourself, you will become stronger in spirit and take a powerful step up to the next step of your destiny. This is something that you should fight for and something that you can respect yourself for later.

3. If you are consulting with someone, be sure to consider the following:

The motives of the person you are consulting should be positive. You must be sure that he wishes you well (be extremely sincere in this, do not be deceived).

The person who advises must understand something in the relevant issue. You should not consult a botanist in matters of nuclear physics. How not to about It is to consult with the poor or peasant about business, career and finances.

And even if you decide to consult with someone, always make the decision yourself and be 100% responsible for it. You must fully feel and be sure that this is your decision, and not someone else (imposed).

If you have reached a dead end in life, do not know how and why you should live on?

Often the question “what to do?” much more than a person would like to think about it. Therefore, if you feel that your life is falling apart, if you have lost yourself and do not want to live, then these are the issues that need to be addressed.

When you ask yourself the question “what to do?”, you need to continue it, try to rephrase: what to do with what and with whom? with your life, with yourself or with something specific? where to go? in which direction to look, strive?, etc.

Rephrase and expand the question and it will be easier for you to answer it!

If the question is “what should I do?” is of a global nature for you, I recommend the following practical articles for reading and elaboration:

Don't be afraid to ask big questions, don't be afraid to think about the meaning of life! Remember, if there are questions, then there are answers, and these answers will make you many times stronger and happier if you find them.

1. Write down on paper all the possible options and choose the best one.

2. Rephrase the question, ask it differently, expand it, or better yet, break this question into several smaller questions and answer them (it will be much easier to find the best solution).

3. Consult only with an adequate and knowledgeable person, with a good friend.

4. If you are a believer, you are in luck! Ask God, the Light Forces to guide you, to let you know where and why to go by some signs and situations according to fate so that you understand this. Believe me, the Higher Powers know how to help a person make the right decision, they have many more tools for this than people.

• Read more -

5. What else helps? Watch a good movie. Good film tunes to a certain wave, gives energy, inspiration, raises the spirit and confidence of a person, and in a new state, new, stronger decisions most often come. Listen to good inspiring music. Music emotionally relaxes a person and connects him to the streams of creativity that bring new thoughts, ideas and forces into the human mind.

There will be more specific questions -!