Stereotype is not an option!

Shy girls have a special charm. This opinion has received wide publicity. Perhaps this is so, but their shyness causes great inconvenience and discomfort to the "heroes of the occasion" themselves. This prevents them from enjoying being in society. How to stop being shy of people? Look for the answer to this question in our article. So go ahead!

The psychological aspect of the problem

Psychologists say that everyone is shy to one degree or another. Here the matter is different: someone knows how to put on a "mask", and someone does not! For example, we constantly see a sociable and self-confident person from the outside, but in our hearts this is shyness itself! It’s just that such a person knows how to stop being shy in public, and he does it very well. It's good when people know how to hide embarrassment from prying eyes. But what to do if this state constantly haunts a person, manifesting itself in any life situation. This is just ruining his life! How to stop being shy everywhere and everywhere? First, look for reasons!

Causes of constant embarrassment

The most common of them:

• low self-esteem;
• constant self-doubt;
• various complexes.

For example, people who experience problems with diction (burry, lisping) try not to contact others once again. If they get lost somewhere, instead of asking for directions, they will lose half a day, but will find it on their own.

This significantly complicates a person's life. How to deal with it?

How to stop being shy?

1. Stop cherishing the opinion of random passers-by. Feel free to ask them any question. After all, you see them, most likely, for the first and last time. What do you care what they think of you? Remember: most random passers-by do not care about you!
2. If, nevertheless, shyness does not allow you to turn to another person, then drive your fictional negativity away from you. Don't be negative. I'll tell you a secret, but 90% of all random passers-by are tuned in to short-term communication. If you are not sure about the friendliness of a person, then before making contact with him, look at his face. People who are not in the mood for communication are immediately visible.
3. How to stop being ashamed of your interlocutor? When you talk, look the person in the eye more often. Of course, you don’t need to keep staring at him, but you don’t need to hide your eyes (turn them to the side or look down) either! Remember that eye contact is an important part of communication, allowing you to gradually get rid of excessive shyness.

How to stop being shy with girls?

This is a separate issue for some guys. Many of them, communicating with the opposite sex, experience some kind of awkwardness. And it does not depend on their external data at all. A guy can be intelligent and quite attractive, but shy! What to do?

How to stop being shy - notes of a former sociophobe

November 20, 2016 - One comment

“I was ashamed to ask the driver - got off 3 stops late”

(folk wisdom)

It's hard to be shy - there I was shy, here I was afraid, here I did not dare . And so all my life. Although ... is this life? Neither to say a toast, nor to sing in the company, nor to speak in public. Yes, and tired of being late for work - just get up the courage to talk to the driver, and your stop has already disappeared around the corner. Thank God, this is not the worst case yet. They say that some people leave the city like that. And yet, how to stop being shy?

My grandfather was afraid to ask the teacher at school, the teacher at the institute, and the employer at work. As a result, he was a loser, did not graduate from the institute, but received mere pennies.

Another example is my own sister. Going out into the street, she thinks that everyone is looking at her, that something is wrong with her and everyone is discussing her. She thinks she looks clumsy and finds fault with herself about it. As a result, he is constantly depressed.

Personally, I also did not escape this fate. Everything is fine in my personal life and at home, but at work, complete seams begin. Since childhood, I have been afraid to call someone and talk on the phone. And now I got to work, where I have to constantly call. I have to write down my speech in advance on a piece of paper, otherwise the language simply goes numb with excitement, and I am not able to say anything but a stream of incoherent interjections.

Ah… uh… mmm… I… well, you understand?!

In general, the “shyness gene” really poisoned the life of our entire family to the last knee. And it would have been so until the end of time, if not for one "but" ...

Who tends to be shy from birth?

All people are different. Few people will dispute this statement - it is so obvious. Someone is born assiduous, someone restless. Someone from an early age has absolute pitch, and on someone's ears a team of bears danced boogie-woogie. All these manifestations of innate properties in each of us are studied by Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology - the latest science of man.

She claims that there are people among us who are born with a special talent - to distinguish colors, to subtly feel the beauty of the world around us and get great pleasure from it. . System-vector psychology defines them as people with a visual vector. Growing up, they most often find themselves in professions such as designer, photographer, artist, model or actress.

A visual person is very emotional and feels not only beauty, but also the emotions of the people around him. He is ready to sincerely sympathize with someone else's grief and just as sincerely laugh at someone else's joy, sharing his emotions with a person. Living such strong emotions together with others, a person with a visual vector feels internally calm, filled and happy.

And here lies one key feature visual person. The whole question is, to whom does he direct his emotions? There are only two options: for yourself and for the people around you.

In the second case, this is a beautiful and kind, balanced person. Perhaps he is doing volunteer work or performing on stage. Creates professional designs or paintings of incredible depth of talent. He radiates love outward, for which everyone around him loves him.

In the first case, everything is much more deplorable. The owner of the visual vector, obsessed with himself, begins to look for flaws in his appearance, clothing. Finds his figure, facial skin or speech imperfect. He begins to be ashamed of himself, afraid to meet other people and even go out into the street.

Further more. Over time, a spectator who is closed on himself can generally become a recluse in his own apartment. Scientifically, a sociophobe. Is it necessary to say that the life of a person in such a state is simply unbearable?
How to avoid this unpleasant fate? Read on.

System-vector psychology gives very clear instructions on how to stop being embarrassed by a person with a visual vector. It sounds very succinctly like this - stop thinking about yourself beloved and turn your gaze to another person.

Surely you yourself have noticed that even the strongest shyness or fear of people goes away when you start talking to a person. Emotionally get involved in it, get involved in the conversation, empathize. Once - and you are already in the center of attention of the whole company, in a few minutes you have turned from a champion in restraint into a shirt-guy. Or a girl's shirt.

However, the problem is not solved by "life hacks" and "poultices" like the one above. Yes, they operate on some level, but in order to become more confident and stop being ashamed of yourself once and for all, something more is needed. It is necessary to understand what is the deepest root of embarrassment and fears. Then you will take control of your fears and they will disappear from your life forever.

You can understand the real root of fear in an online training on systems-vector psychology. Over 18,000 people got their results confirming the effectiveness of the training. Many of them stopped being shy and stopped being afraid of people. Here's what they say about it themselves:

Fear has big eyes. Take action!

These unpleasant moments in life, where you have to blush, stutter and be shy. Where you have to be silent, passing your stop, unable to squeeze out even a word. Where you have to order everything online, down to a loaf of bread, because you can't leave the house or even call. Where you spend hours walking around the city in search of an address or in a store in search of the right product - unable to talk to passers-by or supermarket consultants.

Instruction

Scientists have studied shyness and came to the conclusion that this quality is not at all innate, it is the result of any life circumstances of a person, because of which he focuses too much on himself. After all, constraint is an excessive concentration on one's own personality and internal anxiety, on various thoughts and complexes that appear in a person. Keep in mind that you will have to get rid of this.

Find confidence in yourself. To overcome shyness, you need to understand that you are the person who has something to be proud of. Be confident, because all people are more focused on themselves than on other people's shortcomings.

Almost all people experience severe shyness not at all all the time, but in certain situations. Think about exactly which methods and companies inspire you with the greatest fear, where you feel more uncomfortable. Choose the easiest situations and first try to gain a foothold in them, behaving calmly.

Stop focusing on yourself, try to pay more attention to the people around you. Think about the course of the conversation and the circumstances, and not about what you said or did something wrong, that you are wearing the wrong thing, etc.

You should not compare yourself with others. In every person you can find a quality or detail of appearance that is better than yours. But you also have virtues that other people do not have. Everyone is the best in something. It's pointless to compare. You pay attention to your own shortcomings and forget about the virtues, so you feel embarrassed.

You have a comfort zone in which you feel calm and confident - these are people close and well known to you. Expand this area. Chat with strangers, attend social events, meet new people. Do the things you always wanted to do but didn't dare. You yourself will not notice how the number of reasons for pride outweighs the percentage of misses and imaginary shortcomings.

Take an example from those who are confident in themselves. They behave naturally and calmly, look at them, observe and try to learn important communication skills. Very often, the lion's share of success in society lies in the visual.

Learn to relax. Use breathing techniques, meditation, self-hypnosis - try several options and find what is guaranteed to work for you. In the company from time to time, do not forget to relax, this will help you behave simply and naturally.

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Sources:

• How to overcome shyness?
• human constraint

There can be many reasons for being embarrassed. The most common of them are insecurity in their female attractiveness and low self-esteem. Every person is embarrassed. But not everyone is able to suppress this fear in themselves.

Instruction

The next step is to stop being ashamed of yourself. No matter how trite it sounds, you need to communicate with as many different people as possible. Look for interesting places to find interesting people. Communicate and increase your level of self-confidence.

To stop being ashamed of yourself, you should not look at your shoes all the time, you need to lift them. Keep your back straight, smile and don't be afraid of anything. Everyone you see is people just like you. Learn to look people in the eye. Do it until it becomes a habit. Try to look confident until you are truly confident.

Even if it seems stupid to you, in order to stop being ashamed of yourself, you need to be in front of a mirror and learn to speak. Practice diction, timbre, try not to speak. Imagine that you are standing in front of you, to whom you are telling a story. Try not to stutter, not to stumble over words. Do this until you see that everything is really perfect.

Take small but confident steps rather than large and clumsy ones. Do not jump higher, do everything gradually. Don't try to speed up the process. Don't volunteer to give a speech if you're not ready for it yet.

Use these tips, and soon you will stop being ashamed of yourself!

Recently, people have increasingly begun to notice that emotional tightness is a serious problem. They cease to communicate normally with people and express natural emotional experience. Hence a number of problems: an unpleasant inner sense of self, lack of confidence in one's abilities, problems in communicating with people and, as a result, forced loneliness. Most likely, the reason lies in the innate personality type and character traits, or is it an acquired trait. What needs to be done for people who want to be liberated and become self-confident individuals?

Instruction

First, decide what you want to change in yourself and find out the sources of problems. For example, ask yourself the question: do you always communicate freely with strangers? Probably no. It is also possible to cope with this situation if the true motives of this one are determined. There are many reasons for: difficulty in choosing a suitable topic for conversation, seeming funny or stupid, a small vocabulary, appearance complexes, etc. Only when you recognize the problem objectively can you find a fix for it.

Give people sincere compliments - then they will begin to feel interest in you and some gratitude.

Smile more often and ask questions - this will show your interest in the interlocutor. For communication, choose topics that are of interest to both of you.

Even if the interlocutor is not familiar to you, imagine that you are not seeing him for the first time, and communicate as if he is your relative or friend. Of course, this does not imply familiarity.

Take up dancing: free movements and the ability to control your body will help you get rid of psychological stiffness.

Most importantly, learn to value and respect yourself. Try to always look good, watch your appearance. And in the evening and in the morning, looking in the mirror, pay attention to your most attractive features. You have no reason to be complex.

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An open person is always cheerful, cheerful, sociable, attentive to others, positive. These qualities attract other people, help to make friends, work and live with pleasure, while isolation and complexes, on the contrary, usually repel others. But not everyone succeeds in behaving like this, an inferiority complex, habit, hostility to the world interfere. If you want to become open, start working on yourself - and after a while your life will change for the better.

Instruction

Of course, openness primarily lies in the internal qualities of a person, but one should start with appearance, because, as you know, it can change mood, habits and even character. Therefore, first try to look open: smile more often (a smile automatically adjusts to positive and attracts the attention of others), relax, but do not slouch, do not fold your arms over your chest, do not clench your fists, keep your head straight, look cheerful look. If the mood is bad, this may seem like an impossible task, but after a few minutes you will notice that you have become more cheerful and cheerful.

Openness does not consist in excessive sociability, this quality means the absence of fear and embarrassment in communication and goodwill. Learn to communicate: do not avoid situations when you need to talk, do not miss the opportunity to compliment someone or have an interesting conversation. If you don't know how to get somewhere, ask passers-by. Say hello to people more often: with neighbors, the elderly, sellers. Be proactive in conversation, even in unfamiliar companies or in a strange place. You don’t need to think through the lines, try to act impromptu to look natural. And if from excitement you began to stutter or forgot your name, do not close yourself, it is better to laugh out loud at this situation. A sense of humor is also a useful quality.

Developing communication skills does not mean being talkative. Open people are more likely to listen than talk. Be attentive to the interlocutor, show interest in the topic of conversation, ask questions and avoid talking too much about yourself. Respect other people no matter what they say.

Openness is also often associated with the utmost honesty, but frankness is not always helpful. Do not lie (for this people are not respected and do not trust them), but you do not need to directly say everything that you think. If your thoughts and feelings might offend another person, you don't have to show them.

And finally the most important qualities an open person - cheerfulness and a positive attitude towards life. This attitude is not developed immediately, you need to constantly work on yourself. Learn not to give in to sad thoughts, not to be upset by mistakes or troubles, to benefit from them, to see everything the good side. Along with this, an adequate self-esteem will be formed.

Some people suffer from excessive stiffness and shyness. They do not like to communicate with strangers and be the center of attention. They want to behave simply, at ease, but they are too notorious, not confident in themselves, they are afraid to do something stupid or remain misunderstood. How to overcome the feeling of constraint?

Instruction

Decide for yourself who you would like to be. Find in your environment positive example to emulate. This will teach you free and liberated behavior. Note for yourself the manner of communication and work on your own mistakes. Observe and identify complexes in other people.

Carry out the following experiment. When a lively conversation breaks out in any company, consciously refuse to participate in it. Instead, look at how people behave, what they talk about, what mistakes they make and how the interlocutors react to them. This will allow you to imagine yourself in such an environment.

Always analyze your own behavior in unusual situations. Just don't beat yourself up too much. Only constructive criticism is welcome.

Do not be afraid to be misunderstood and do not avoid communication. Be bold and admit to your interlocutors that you are a little closed off. This will help you overcome the psychological barrier during communication. Thus, you will gain confidence in your abilities.

Don't forget that perfect people don't exist. Everyone has their shortcomings, complexes and everyone makes mistakes. Accept that bad things happen sometimes. But it's not a disaster. After a while, this situation will no longer seem so scary, but rather trifling and funny.

Do not consider yourself the center of the universe, but do not overestimate the importance of someone else's opinion.

Communicate more with people, visit crowded companies more often. So you learn to behave naturally and easily. If you find yourself in an unfamiliar environment among a large number of people and feel not entirely confident, choose one interlocutor for yourself. It will help you brighten up your loneliness and adapt to the new company.

Give people sincere compliments. They will be grateful for the kind words addressed to them.

Smile a lot and ask questions more often. This shows interest in the conversation. For discussion, choose topics that are interesting to both interlocutors.

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If you want to open up to the world and the people around you, be honest and free first of all in front of yourself. This means that you do not need to put on masks to confess something, you do not need to be ashamed of your own failures.

Instruction

To free yourself from constraint, write on a piece of paper your fears and complexes, as well as your best sides and desires. Review each column carefully. Think about why you are afraid of just this and how you can overcome your fear, is the list of complexes really that big or are you just prone to belittling your own merits? Praise yourself for every item of your best inner qualities and talents.

Pay special attention to the wish list. Let's say it contains something like this item "Buy the latest model of a car of a European brand." Think about it, do you really want this? Perhaps, if you are honest enough with yourself, it will turn out that your spouse wants a car, and you rather dream of seeing the famous Galapagos tortoises in their natural habitat. Create your wishlist, not someone else's.

Being open with other people means letting go of certain conventions. Speak sincere compliments to those who deserve them, point out flaws to those who do not see them or do not want to notice them. At the same time, do not go over to insults, always put yourself in the place of the interlocutor. To avoid unpleasant situations, learn to criticize constructively and accept similar criticism from others.

Watch the kids. Why do you think adults love them? For the spontaneity that causes a smile or sometimes confuses, and sometimes makes you bite your tongue. For the love of life that makes them happy. For curiosity, which helps to discover limitless resources for gaining knowledge. To be open human You need to take care of your inner child.

Learn to say "thank you" and also learn the art of laughing at yourself. Know how to be responsible for your actions and admit your guilt, if any. Try to take advantage of most of the opportunities that life presents you (of course, if they do not contradict the safety of others and the law). Openness to yourself and the world will help you get rid of remorse, and therefore learn to live in harmony with yourself.

Sources:

• What is a "closed" person?

Sometimes tightness or natural modesty put up insurmountable barriers to achieving goals in your personal life and career. To get rid of shyness, you need to love yourself and allow others to get to know you better.

Instruction

Think about what is causing your shyness. The reasons, of course, may be different, but the most common ones are your own complexes and the fear that they will treat you negatively, they will not understand you. With complexes, you can not only fight, but also turn their cause into an advantage. And as for the fear of looking funny, you never know if people like you until you initiate a conversation.

Remember that you have a lot to lose. By being embarrassed, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to find interesting interlocutors, make friends, get promoted, and possibly meet your other half. The maximum you risk when you take the initiative and start communication first is the first impression, but it can be corrected.

Develop. If once or twice you were unable to keep up the conversation, this does not mean that you are uneducated or stupid. Believe me, in many areas you will give odds to even the biggest wise men and smart girls. You can just start small - try to learn how to communicate with people who are close in spirit and hobbies, and when your self-confidence increases, switch to other groups of people. Of course, this must be accompanied by a daily educational process.

Set yourself achievable goals. In the evening, come up with a task for yourself, for example, start a light conversation with office staff about a new exhibition, an important match, a political situation, whatever. Put yourself good points in case of successful execution of your plan, but if the situation did not go the way you wanted, do work on the mistakes and do not give up. Daily workouts will help you gain communication skills and increase your self-esteem, it's just important to treat this as a kind of game and not offend of people, drawing them into their "strength tests".

Radiate warmth and positive emotions. Even a simple smile attracts the interlocutor, you will not notice how people will reach out to you, and there will be no trace of the former embarrassment.

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Many people feel dizzy at the thought of having to speak in public or just before meeting new people, feeling tremors all over their body or an increase in their heart rate. Shyness and self-doubt can create obstacles to socialization, and this, in turn, affects our lives in an undesirable way. How can you deal with it?

The concept of shyness can be described as a feeling of discomfort in social situations. A shy person is usually focused on himself, on his own complexes, internal anxiety, unnecessary thoughts.

Be confident in yourself - this is the first step to overcome shyness. Be proud of your talents and achievements - everyone has them. You may be surprised, but people are mostly busy own affairs, they have a lot of their own complexes, they are simply not interested in how you behave or how you look.

Learn to focus on what you can achieve and start working on yourself. So you won't have time to think about how you look.

Learn to relax - this will help you in difficult situations find peace. Breathing practices, meditation, and other similar exercises can help well.

Try to highlight situations in which you feel shy. It can be public speaking, dating, large companies of people. Make a list of such situations - it will help you work on yourself more effectively.

Develop your confidence. Take yourself at the right level. Do not try to compare yourself with others - believe me, they do the same thing and just like you, they think that they are worse than others in some way. You're not worse - you're just not the same, and that's okay. All people are different.

Watch the behavior of confident people. In a similar situation, you can behave in the same way as they do.

And remember that shyness is not innate quality so it can be overcome.

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“You cannot live in a society and be completely free from it” is a well-known expression. But some people still periodically have such a desire - to isolate themselves from the outside world, create an “ivory tower” for themselves and live independently of others.

It is quite difficult to realize such a plan in full measure. To do this, one must literally become a hermit, build one's own housing in a remote place where no human foot has set foot and work hard to provide oneself with food, protect oneself from the cold, etc. Examples of such modern hermits are known, but they inspire few people - modern man is too accustomed to the benefits of civilization and, as a rule, is not ready to give them up. But you can try to minimize your communication with the outside world.

life support

In a modern society without a livelihood, i.e. without money, it is almost impossible to live. And earning them involves visiting the workplace, communicating with colleagues, superiors, obeying various requirements and rules, observing certain temporal, social, ethical and other limits.

Although, if you wish, you can find ways to make money without being constrained by traditional working relationships. First of all, it could be distant work. If you want to reduce communication with colleagues and superiors to a minimum, you should choose one where labor Relations the least personalized: let's say you take a task, complete it, and automatically get rewarded for it. Or you create some original product and sell resources.

The undoubted advantage of such work will be the absence of a rigid schedule, not the obligation to be at the “workplace” at a certain time, as well as the ability to independently determine the amount of work performed.

By the way, it should be noted that, having decided to isolate yourself from the outside world, you have every chance to significantly reduce your expenses: you no longer have to buy things for the sake of “prestige”, “status” and other conventions accepted in society. The main task will be to ensure your own comfort and satisfaction of personal vital needs, which, if necessary, can be made quite modest - after all, you no longer need to "show off" friends and relatives.

Communication

The circle of communication can be minimized or (if desired) completely stop communicating. Friends and acquaintances will quickly lose interest in you if you regularly become a rejection of an offer to visit, meet, participate in a joint event, just stop answering the phone.

The situation is a little more complicated with relatives, especially if they depend on you, for example, children or sick people. In this case, communication with them cannot be stopped. But you can try to keep your circle from expanding thanks to them: for example, communicate with them only in private, without the presence of strangers.

As for communication with other people of the so-called "far circle", then you should not worry about this: you can make purchases of the necessary goods. Super- and hypermarkets also do not involve active dialogue with sellers. Necessary payments can be made through payments, etc.

External channels of information

And, of course, so that nothing distracts you from living in your own world, block external channels of information: do not watch, do not visit forums, do not buy periodicals. Now the outside world has ceased to exist for you, and gradually it will also “forget” about you.

But it is worth remembering that this kind of "autonomous" existence is fraught with a number of dangers: no one will rush to your aid if trouble happens; you will not have anyone to turn to with an elementary request, and there will simply be no one to “pour out your soul” if such a need suddenly arises. Still, a person is a social being, and, completely isolated from society, he sometimes feels very uncomfortable.

Instruction

The most effective and easiest way to open up to others is to spend more time with them. If some situations make you uncomfortable or difficult, then you just rarely encounter them. Of course, sometimes it is quite difficult to find motivation for dating and meeting other people. Most often, introverts are kept at home by a dislike for noisy entertainment and places. This difficulty can be easily overcome if you find a suitable group of people who prefer going to the theater or cinema to noisy parties. You do not have to constantly communicate with the same people, you can change companies depending on your hobbies. The main thing is to start communicating with other people, but do not force yourself to do it by force, it is very important to identify a comfortable communication format for yourself and find like-minded people.

Gradually expand your comfort zone, get rid of fears that are associated with society. If you find it difficult to imagine communicating with strangers, try just saying hello to your neighbors first. In the future, it will be easier for you to make acquaintances. Do not put pressure on yourself, get rid of such fears gradually, without rushing. Haste in this matter can seriously hurt, discourage you from all the desire to communicate with people.

Listening is undoubtedly a very important skill. In some cases, it may be more important than the ability to speak. However, it is still worth learning to speak. Do not be afraid to voice your thoughts, even if they seem banal and uninteresting to you. Most often this is not true, since introverts are characterized by tightness and some self-doubt, as in an interlocutor. Try to keep the conversation going if there are awkward pauses. Over time, it will be easier for you to express your thoughts, even quite intimate ones. Of course, you should not do this in unfamiliar companies, but in the circle of close people, everyone can afford to open up at least a little.

If such exercises do not help you, you feel uncomfortable, even talking with friends and relatives, and you can’t open your thoughts to them, try contacting a psychologist. Work with a good specialist allows you to overcome internal barriers, get rid of the fear of communication, open up to other people. However, it should be borne in mind that it can take quite a long time to achieve such results.

Shy man attaches great attention other people's opinion and on duty reflects on how he looks in the eyes of others. These thoughts prevent you from truly opening up in the company and showing your best qualities. It's time to become yourself and enjoy communication.

Be sincere and positive. Feel free to express your feelings and thoughts. Show attention and interest in the interlocutor: offer your company, and, if necessary, provide assistance. Smile more often, enjoy life and develop a sense of humor. A confident, cheerful and optimistic person is valuable in any team, and his shortcomings can turn into virtues in the eyes of others.

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The question of how to stop being shy, withdrawn and insecure worries a huge number of people who want to overcome their inner fear.

Since the listed character traits are rarely found singly, but flow from each other (a shy person is usually withdrawn and insecure), serious efforts will have to be made to suppress them. phased work above oneself.

Shyness in any form prevents you from being yourself.
A person fully reveals himself only when he feels at ease.
Stefan Zweig. Impatience of the heart

Introduction

The phrase “modesty adorns” has long been set on edge. Yes, in some situations modesty is needed, because excessive boasting or obvious narcissism does not suit a worthy person. But shyness is something else.

This quality prevents both the most modest person from living and puts his environment into a stupor - they try to help him, understand, reveal, but this does not always work out. As a result, a shy person falls out of public life because he is boring and there is nothing to talk about. And this gives rise to new complexes and negative emotions in a closed person. And something needs to be done about it.

If you take some actions, make your efforts and back up with a great desire, then everything will definitely work out!

Finding out the cause is the first step on the road to success

The ancient sages said: "Find the cause of the problem - and this is already half of its solution." A person becomes withdrawn, shy or insecure due to certain experiences, psychological traumas or events that have occurred in his life.

Based on negative experience, he does not see an alternative to a favorable development of events and does not try to change the habitual pattern of behavior. All this leads to more big problems, including, hermitage, passivity, escape from reality into the world of fantasy, illusion, virtual games.

The most common causes of shyness, isolation or insecurity in the company of strangers are:

• fear;
• resentment;
• stress;
• psychological trauma.

Fear

For example, fear invariably breeds distrust of everything unfamiliar. Instinctively, a person withdraws into himself, believing that in this way he will avoid problems, awkward situations, and possible ridicule.

Often, with a closer acquaintance, a person reveals himself in a company from a completely different perspective, but at the initial stage, fear makes him be extremely careful in his statements and actions.

Resentment at the world around for the failures that have occurred also becomes the cause of shyness, isolation, and uncertainty. A person fences himself off from reality, not allowing himself to share his own experiences, emotions, or positive impressions with others.

Unfortunately, over time, resentment only accumulates, and if it does not find a natural outlet, then the person becomes aggressive, and sometimes even dangerous to society. Therefore, before you stop being shy and insecure, you should definitely get rid of the mentioned feeling.

Stress, psychological trauma

Experienced stress or previous psychological trauma forces the individual to close his inner world from outsiders. According to statistics, more than 40% of respondents experience depression and are dissatisfied with their own lives, they do not make contact with unfamiliar people.

Usually, the invisible subsides with overcoming stress, restoring vitality, and the arrival of positive emotions. With regard to psychological trauma, everything is much more complicated here, especially when they were inflicted during the formation of the personality (that is, in childhood). Sometimes, to overcome their consequences, the help of a qualified specialist is required.

How to stop being shy: a guide to action

1. Faith in success

The most difficult thing is to take the first step towards a more liberated self. It may even seem to you that this is unrealistic, that nothing will come of this whole undertaking. Drive away these thoughts! This is not true. You will definitely succeed. Believing in yourself and your success is very important, so stock up on them to the fullest.

2. You are no worse than others

The next stage is the understanding that you are no worse than other people. You are the same, and in some qualities you are superior to many. Remember all your virtues and skills. Some of them are not a sin to brag about or at least demonstrate to the world.

For example, do you write poetry? Stop hiding them! Join a literary community, show your creations to other people. Let not everyone like your poems, but you will definitely find fans of your work.

Remember, in order to receive compliments and approval, you need to show people what you can be praised for. If you are closed, then you simply will not be noticed. And learn to love yourself the way you are. Nobody is perfect.

3. Failure is a learning experience

Criticism or life failures are not always bad. Take your failures not as the end of the world, but as a certain experience that makes you wiser and stronger.

Remember the famous phrase “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”?

Let it be hackneyed, but very truthful. It really is! Therefore, you can be a little sad, even cry, and the next day you pull yourself together and move on to a better life.

4. Face your fears

To overcome your indecision, you need to work hard on yourself. You must be embarrassed to speak in public. Start at least with the pronunciation of toasts. This is a test for many people: to find certain words, put them together in beautiful sentences and pronounce them publicly, even in a small company of close people. It is better to prepare this short speech in advance, think over all the wishes and repeat several times. You will understand that everything is not so scary. Everyone will definitely like it. Try it!

You can also turn to strangers on the street more often with different questions. For example, asking how to get to such and such a street. This will also liberate you, you will be less afraid of communication.

5. Become a pleasant conversationalist

Do you think that in order to carry on a conversation, you need to have some kind of secret knowledge or have a special relationship with a person? This is far from always the case. Many sociable people talk to others about real trifles. So it would not hurt you to adopt this quality, even if it seems stupid at first.

Start by talking about the weather, no matter how trite it may be. Then you can discuss the cases that connect you with the interlocutor. If this is a co-worker, you can talk about the problem of parking near the office building. If a neighbor - about how the bills for rent have risen. The main thing is to start, and the conversation itself can develop, especially if your interlocutor is more sociable than you. Practice! And you will get involved.

6. Compliment

People love to hear nice words addressed to them, even if they are said in passing. And especially women! Give them compliments. It is not necessary to scatter in praise. Suffice it to say that the young lady today has a successful styling or a beautiful dress. You will see how she will immediately become more disposed towards you.

7. The right attitude

Train yourself every day to tune in to the good. A positive mood, albeit from scratch, will help you overcome life's obstacles. Healthy optimism never hurt anyone!

Additional ways to get rid of shyness

Before you stop being shy in companies or when meeting new people, you need to understand that solving this problem depends entirely on the person himself. In order to become more open, liberated, sociable, it will take some time. For some, a few weeks are enough on the path to success, while for others it will take several years before all manifestations of the described negative qualities are finally eradicated.

There are now several effective ways how to stop being shy and withdrawn, insecure.
This list includes:

• personal training;
• development of communication skills;
• performing special exercises ("go ahead").

The method of personal training has now gained immense popularity, as it allows you to inspire a person that he is no worse and no better than other unfamiliar people.

Usually, the delivery of specific attitudes takes place in the form of a “teacher-student”, when an experienced mentor (psychologist) convinces closed and insecure people that no one in the company seeks to ridicule, offend, or humiliate them.

Many of them also experience a certain amount of excitement, but in no way show their own negative feelings. Regular sessions with a specialist who knows how to convince contribute to the achievement of results, and a person overcomes the fear of communication.

Sometimes it is recommended to develop communication skills by doing certain exercises. One of the most useful options for how to stop being shy in a company is to simulate the situation in front of a mirror. It will not be superfluous to prepare a few universal jokes that allow you to defuse a tense situation or give confidence in your abilities. The more a person “rehearses” alone with himself, the more confident and at ease he will feel in a real situation.

An innovative technique was the performance of tasks that require considerable courage from an indecisive shy person. For example, he should come up and talk on the street with complete strangers, ask for a phone number from an attractive girl (guy), talk about some event in public place. Already after 2-3 such exercises, progress is noticeable, as a person overcomes fear, becomes more open to the world around him, gains self-confidence.

A few important tips for success

Psychologists identify several key aspects of how to stop being shy in the company and at the same time achieve the location of strangers.

The list of such conditions always includes:

• acceptance of constraint (excitement, isolation) as a due fact;
• positive thinking, smile, neat appearance;
• lack of comparison of oneself with other people;
• training slow intelligible speech.

It is necessary to clearly realize that it is quite normal to be shy, to experience excitement or a feeling of isolation in certain situations. Do not try to hide your emotions, because it always looks unnatural and repulsive. At the same time, the appearance, facial expression, and intonation of the voice are of key importance for the initial impression of a person, so try to always look like a needle, exude positive, and don’t forget to smile.

No need to constantly draw a parallel with more successful people in the company, otherwise it can lead to negativity, detachment, the desire to quickly leave for a quiet secluded place. A huge problem for many people is slurred fast speech, which not all participants in the conversation can make out. Learn to express your own thoughts clearly, clearly, slowly, which will attract the attention of others, avoiding sharp ridicule.

Outcome

Shyness can be overcome - add some effort to your desire and soon you will see a positive result! Be active, decisive and open to people.

Overcoming shyness, shyness, self-doubt is possible only with the help of painstaking work on oneself, positive thinking, getting rid of fears or complexes. Fight your weaknesses, prejudices, negativity - and you will definitely become a successful attractive person!

Shyness is a nice quality that makes it difficult for its owner to live. An overly shy person is speechless at the right moment, cannot defend his position, is afraid of public speaking and prefers to remain in the background. Learning to overcome shyness.

Shyness often prevents people from living, blocking everything strengths character. "Butterflies in the stomach" can not only fail the first date, but also expose you to mediocrity.

Therefore, you need to fight your shyness, develop a sense of self-confidence (see ""). After all, phone calls alone cannot solve many problems.

Overcoming the fear of public speaking

The awkwardness that you feel when you stand in front of an audience and read a report or defend your project is born from your self-doubt. You tend to control your every word and action.

You don’t have a flowing speech, so as soon as you stumble on a difficult word or you are interrupted by a question, you begin to blush, turn pale, and eventually crumple the end of the speech.

You can develop an excellent presentation, pick up Handout, but all this will go down the drain if you suddenly catch a lively look from the audience. Your speech will become confusing, your stomach will growl treacherously, and such a brilliant performance will be overwhelmed. How to avoid it?

First of all, admit to yourself that you are embarrassed to speak in public. Realizing that a problem exists is the first and most important step towards solving it.

Always remember that you are not speaking to the Queen of Great Britain, but to your colleagues - people just like you. No one is going to mock you or punish you for minor shortcomings.

Instead of "winding" yourself by remembering a mistake (for example, on a pronunciation mistake), turn your eyes to the audience. Find a person for whom you feel warm friendly relations, and tell your report to him until the moment you feel that you are able to control yourself.

Be sure to sit in silence for five minutes before the presentation, do breathing exercises, and soak up positive emotions. You should not use any energy drinks before an important performance, so as not to overload the nervous system.

To prepare as much as possible for a dialogue with the audience, rehearse your speech at home in front of a mirror. Speak the entire text at least five times, paying attention to difficult places. Try to think through the questions you might be asked after the presentation and find answers to them.

When you are confident, speak important presentation also in front of loved ones. Only they should be friendly and not laugh at you if you do not succeed. Later, at the presentation, you can remember your speech to your parents, this will calm you down a bit.

And remember that the main condition for a successful presentation is the proximity of the topic to your interests. Only by doing what you love can you gain confidence in yourself and your abilities.

Learning to talk to people

If for you awkwardness is the norm even in ordinary everyday communication with people, if you are afraid to commit business calls, then try using the following ways to overcome shyness (see ""):

Call ads. You don't have to buy anything, just show interest and ask a couple of questions. Before each important call, call a friend, feed on positive emotions, and then immediately call on business.

In order not to be afraid of strangers, start talking to them. Ask for directions on the street, say "Good afternoon!" and thanks!" in stores, specify the route along which the bus travels.

Communicate with children, they are the most direct creatures in the Universe, they definitely should not be shy.

Register on several forums and actively participate in discussions, express your own opinion, even if it is completely opposite to the opinion of the majority, try to give reasoned arguments in disputes. Be sure to praise yourself and give yourself gifts if you successfully exited.

And, finally, the most important thing - believe in your hidden strengths, because none of us is deprived of talent. Believing that you are ready to move mountains changes your attitude towards the world, making it less aggressive.

These are a kind of "rose-colored glasses" that should be worn before important things. And remember that initially each person treats others with goodwill, so you have nothing to be embarrassed or, moreover, to be afraid of.