Self-confidence comes in many forms, from the haughtiness and arrogance of Floyd Mayweather to the quiet faith of Jane Goodall. True self-confidence, as opposed to false self-confidence, with which people mask their shortcomings, is valuable in itself.
When we talk about confidence, only one thing is true - truly confident people always have an advantage over those who constantly doubt, as they inspire others and make dreams come true.
If you think you can, you're right. If you think you can't, you're right too. Henry Ford.
Ford's statement tells us that the way you think affects the ability to achieve success. According to a University of Melbourne study, confident people are more likely to receive pay raises and promotions.
Sure, self-confidence is important, but what separates confident people from the rest?
Here are 12 habits and actions of confident people that you can successfully adopt and put into practice.
1. The source of their happiness is themselves
Happiness is an integral part of self-confidence. It is impossible to enjoy what you do if you are not happy.
Self-confident people get satisfaction from their achievements, and never think about what others think of them. They know for sure that third-party opinions rarely correspond to the truth.
2. They don't judge anyone.
Self-confident people never judge others because they know that there is something good in everyone. In addition, they do not need to assert themselves at the expense of other people. Trying to compare ourselves with others, we only impose additional restrictions. Self-confident people don't waste time evaluating others or worrying about meeting their expectations.
3. They disagree with what they really don't like
A study conducted at the University of California San Francisco proves that people who find it difficult to say no are more likely to experience stress, are prone to emotional burnout and even depression. Confident people know that rejection is okay, and their self-esteem allows them to say no in a way that leaves others in no doubt about their intentions. When it comes time to say no, confident people avoid phrases like "I don't think I can do it" or "I'm not sure." They say "no" confidently because letting go of new commitments will help them fulfill existing responsibilities more effectively.
4. They listen more than they talk
Confident people listen more often than they talk because they don't have to prove anything. Self-confident people listen and pay due attention to others, and therefore have great opportunities for learning and growth. Instead of viewing interaction with other people as an opportunity to show off, they focus on communication, because they know that this is a more enjoyable and productive approach.
5. They avoid ambiguity
Confident people rarely use phrases such as "Um...", "I'm not sure...", "I think..." They use specific, affirmative phrases because they know that muttering and slurred speech get in the way of getting the message across. to the interlocutor.
6. They appreciate small victories.
Self-confident people like to challenge themselves and compete with others, even if the victory is very small. With a victory, even a small one, additional androgen receptors appear in our brain, which are affected by testosterone. As a result, we gain self-confidence, motivation and readiness for new challenges. Thus, a series of small victories will allow you to feel confident in yourself for the next few months.
7. They play sports
Research conducted in research institute Eastern Ontario proves that people who exercised twice a week for 10 weeks felt more competitive. In addition, they had high self-esteem, and they valued their appearance. Best of all, exercise brings increased self-confidence, and this is felt instantly, immediately after the release of endorphins into the blood at the time of training.
8. They don't seek other people's attention.
Often those who seek the attention of others cause involuntary rejection. People quickly evaluate your attitude towards them, and therefore the right attitude attracts them more than other factors (for example, the presence of acquaintances and position in society). Self-confident people always have the right attitude towards others.
They know how to distribute their attention. If they get their share of recognition, they quickly shift their focus to those who helped them succeed. They do not seek approval or praise, because they already know their worth.
9. They are not afraid to make mistakes.
Confident people are not afraid to make mistakes. They openly express their opinion in order to check its correctness. They know how to learn from their mistakes and teach other people if their opinion turned out to be correct. Confident people know what they are capable of and don't take a mistake as a personal failure.
10. They are not afraid to take risks.
When a confident person sees an opportunity, he takes it. Instead of worrying about possible failure, they ask themselves, "What's stopping me? Why can't I do this?" and then throw themselves into the thick of things. Fear does not hold them back, because they know that he who does not try his hand will never succeed.
11. They acknowledge the accomplishments of others.
Insecure people constantly doubt their own abilities, and therefore constantly try to criticize and condemn others in order to prove their worth. Self-confident people, on the other hand, don't worry about their own good because the outside world doesn't affect their self-esteem. Instead of focusing on their own thoughts, self-confident people focus on those around them, allowing them to see the benefits they bring. As a result, they are able to positively evaluate other people and recognize their merits.
12. They are not afraid to ask for help.
Confident people know that asking for help doesn't make them weak or stupid. They know their strengths and weaknesses and look for other people who can fill in the gaps. They also know that they can learn new things from other people, thereby improving their skills.
Summing up,
it can be said that gaining self-confidence is a process, not final goal. Please share your thoughts with me as I learn from you just as you learn from me.
Dr. Travis Bradberry, linkedin.com
Translation: Airapetova Olga
Readers of my blog often ask me the question: how to become a confident person". In this article, I will answer this question.
Self-confidence is determined by our subjective perception of ourselves, our capabilities and skills, our psycho-emotional state, our beliefs and internal attitudes. In addition, this quality is based on our actual skills and abilities.
When you are good at something, and, at the same time, reality has repeatedly demonstrated to you that you really succeeded in this skill, you have less food for doubts about your ability.
If you have never had problems in communication, if you have always been able to clearly articulate your thoughts, be an interesting conversationalist, and you have always seen what a good impression you make on other people, then it will be difficult for you to doubt yourself as an interlocutor.
But things are not always so simple. Often we do not have an adequate assessment of our skills, and regardless of what we can and cannot do, we still doubt ourselves.
I will give 25 tips on how to become self-confident. Self-confidence concerns different aspects. Firstly, it is confidence in one's own strengths, in one's abilities, in one's undertakings. Secondly, it is self-confidence in the process of communication, which is expressed in firmness, perseverance and lack of shyness. Thirdly, it is the perception of your real qualities. By developing these qualities, you can be confident in them.
In my advice, I will touch on all these components. I'm not going to break down advice in terms of how it relates to these several levels of self-confidence. After all, self-confidence is associated, for example, with confidence in communication. All these tips are interconnected and will suit a person who is afraid to communicate and a person who doubts his abilities or cannot defend his own point of view.
Nevertheless, I will try to follow this line: first there will be advice related to working on eliminating doubts, then there will be advice regarding confidence in communication, and only then I will talk about acquiring some personal skills and abilities.
Tip 1 - Don't try to get rid of doubts, live with them!
When I started writing articles for this site, I was tormented by a whole lot of doubts: “what if I won’t be able to write, what if my advice will not be useful to anyone, what if no one will read my site, what if my thoughts seem stupid, etc. »
At the same time I was reading a book by G. Hesse - The Glass Bead Game. And one phrase from this book helped me to awaken faith in myself. “... his doubts did not stop at all, he already knew from his own experience that faith and doubt are inseparable, that they condition each other, like inhalation and exhalation…”
Some of my readers may think that my phrase will follow this: “I read this, and, at this moment, all my doubts were miraculously resolved!”
No, my doubts have not disappeared. Just a quote from the book helped me to finally be convinced of what I only guessed. Doubts and uncertainty are natural and natural. They accompany any undertakings. You can't always run away from them. . Moreover, this is normal, because I started doing something new, unusual for myself and ambitious. Therefore, my first task is not to resolve doubts, but simply to do my own thing, not listening to the voice of uncertainty when it interferes with me.
The fact is that in a lot of cases doubts are just emotions that have nothing to do with reality. Just because you think you can't do something doesn't mean you won't really succeed if you put in your best effort.
If it seems to you that they will not understand you, that they will laugh at you, this does not mean that everything will be that way.
Doubt and confidence constantly replace each other. These are transient phenomena. If you want to test this thesis, then remember the moments when you doubted something, and the next day you were sure of it more than ever. And if you don’t remember, then just watch yourself for a few days, pay attention to how confidence constantly replaces uncertainty. Usually people are more confident in themselves in the morning, when they are full of strength, than in the evening, when strength leaves them.
Self-confidence depends on your tone, on your mood and even on your health. It's just one of those emotional states that comes and goes. Of course, this does not mean that you should simply ignore this condition in every case. Sometimes it can tell you something, for example, that you overestimate your strengths. Sometimes you can just get rid of it as a hindrance, an internal limitation that prevents you from achieving your goals.
But in other cases, you just need to stop listening to this voice of doubt and act. Self-doubt is normal, and sometimes it even helps to get rid of a lot of arrogance. But doubts should not get in the way of all your endeavors.
My point is that becoming self-confident is not the same as never doubting yourself. Being confident means overcoming your doubts and fears!
If you want to know, I still often doubt myself, but do I come across as insecure? If I stopped every time I had doubts, you would not see almost a single article on this site.
Tip 2 - Know the time when self-confidence leaves you
Pay attention to when, in what situations, you are usually tormented by doubts. If you find any pattern in this, then do not attach much importance to this.
For example, I noticed that I begin to strongly doubt myself, in my undertakings, in my words, in my thoughts just before going to bed, when I start to fall asleep. I'm already used to it, and when self-doubt visits me again, I meet her as an old acquaintance: "here they are, evening doubts, as usual."
I cannot say that I completely ignore this voice, but if I do listen to it, I make allowances for the fact that this is a familiar emotional state for this time of day. And if at this time I doubt what I said, this does not mean that I am really wrong.
On the contrary, in the morning I am usually confident in myself, sometimes even too much. And evening doubts balance morning confidence, therefore I don’t deprive the evening doubting voice of attention, I just make corrections.
Learn to pay attention to the temporary, incoming nature of doubt, depending on your current state. Remember at what moments uncertainty visits you. And if this happens all the time, and you see a pattern in this, lower these doubts about the “price”.
Also use moments of "self-confidence" to destroy your doubts. Think about what you doubt when you are on the rise of vigor and strength. This will help you decide on something.
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Sometimes, if I'm tired or upset about something, one unfriendly comment on the site can kill for a while the confidence in what I'm doing in a matter of seconds. (True, this has been happening less and less lately. Not comments, but uncertainty.)
And at this moment, it doesn’t matter to me that I didn’t doubt anything a few minutes before. It also doesn't matter to me that reality has repeatedly shown me the correctness of what I'm doing.
People tend to overestimate the importance of the present moment in time and they extrapolate their current state to a global perspective of life. If it now seems to them that they are capable of nothing, then they begin to think that this has always been the case, despite all past successes.
At such moments, just try to look at reality, at your real opportunities and successes, without succumbing to the current state. Like “actually, I can do this and that, I can do this and that, I have already achieved this and that.”
For example, when I start to doubt my ideas, I think: my site has helped many people, which they have already written to me about, they regularly read it and leave grateful comments, someone, thanks to my advice, has learned to cope with panic attacks, etc. d.
At such moments, I do not try to praise myself, but simply look at the facts in order to regain an adequate understanding of reality.
I recommend that you stop on the facts and no longer argue with yourself. If your doubts are caused by your current mood (tiredness, irritation), you most likely will not be able to get rid of them until this condition passes.
And if you start thinking about it a lot, then your mind, bound by a state of fatigue, will continue to doubt and lead you to uncertainty. So just tell yourself that these doubts are lies. Rely on reality, not emotions. Didn't help much? Nothing happens. Then just forget about it and don't think about doubts. They will pass along with your bad mood.
Tip 4 - Don't listen to people who say "you can't do it"
It happens that when you doubt something, you share your plans with your friends, people you know. You expect to get support from them in your new endeavor, but often you get only a stoplight.
Some people are simply not able to dispel your doubts for the reason that they are concerned about their own psychological comfort, and not about your happiness.
You don’t think that you are the only insecure person, and you are surrounded only by self-confident people? Unfortunately, most people do not dare to do something bold and independent. They want to believe that if they can't do something, you can't either.
They secretly desire your failure and even expect it. Because your success can become a living reproach for them, a reminder of missed opportunities.
Imagine that you have decided to start your own business and you are consulting with a person who has been working for most of his life. hired work. What advice do you want from him? Most likely, he will say that nothing will work out for you (because it did not work out for him), that you are taking risks and you should not go into this area, but continue to live a normal life and go to work every day.
Therefore, consult about your undertakings with those people who have already achieved some success in the area about which you want to get advice. Take an example from them, and not from those who did not succeed.
Tip 5 - When in doubt, think about your "ideal self"
It happens that our self-doubt tries to fraudulently pass itself off as arguments of common sense. For example, you are afraid to approach a girl or a young man and ask him or her out on a date.
You tell yourself that it is not fear that is holding you back, but some objective obstacles. You think that this person will refuse you, that he already has someone, that you are not his type, and therefore it makes no sense to call him on a date and waste your time on this.
But, in fact, you are simply afraid and do not want to admit your fear to yourself, coming up with excuses. How do you know what fear is holding you back?
Form in your mind the image of the “ideal self”, which is not afraid of anything and which is always confident in itself. It is a perfect replica of yourself. Think about how it would have acted in your place? Wouldn't it even try to get its way?
But even if this “ideal self” decided to invite another person on a date, this does not mean that you must do it. You are not perfect. But when you realize that, ideally, you would have to cast aside doubts and act, you realize that all that is holding you back is only your fear and no other restrictions. The problem will immediately lose the complexity that you assigned to it. With this understanding, it will be much easier for you to decide on something.
Learn more about the "ideal self" method in my article.
While you are tormented by doubts: “I won’t succeed”, “I’m not capable of anything”, “I can’t, etc.” , remember that everything depends only on your will. It is up to you to determine whether you succeed or fail. If you want and show diligence, then everything will work out. And even if not, then try again.
You are free people, and no innate qualities, character traits do not prevent you from achieving your goal and becoming the person you want to become, having received from life what you want to receive. There are many more things subject to your will than you yourself used to think.
Stop seeing limits where there are none. Do not be afraid of difficulties, just start acting.
The next few tips will address the problem of self-doubt in communication.
I already wrote about what I want to tell at this point in the article, and I will repeat it here again. Do not think that all the people around you are constantly watching you, noticing all your shortcomings and remembering all your words. People are obsessed with their problems. They think of themselves most of the time, even when they pretend to listen to you.
So relax and calm down. There is no reason to be afraid of communication or public speaking. People pay much less attention to you than you yourself think about it.
I give this advice in many of my articles. Here I give it for the following reason. If you learn to direct your attention to someone other than yourself, then your mind will be less perplexed to be afraid of opportunities and tormented by doubts. You will stop endlessly thinking about yourself, about how you look, talk and what they think of you.
You will look at other people, have a dialogue with them. You will be distracted from your fears and see in other people much of what you did not notice in them before. You will realize that there are more similarities between you and other people than differences. And so there is no need to be afraid of anyone.
You are not perfect. And no one is perfect. Accept it. Therefore, you should not painfully react to your mistakes and failures, which undermine your self-confidence. Everyone makes mistakes and that's okay.
So be patient with your mistakes. If you feel that you did something wrong or said something wrong, then just draw conclusions from this situation, learn a lesson. Try not to make this mistake in the future, instead of worrying about how stupid you were.
Making mistakes is human, there is nothing wrong with that.
The people around you most likely have a lot of flaws and weaknesses, even if they look very confident in themselves. No need to think that when you find yourself in society, you become in the position of a small fish surrounded by sharks. In fact, you may be surrounded by people who are just as meek and self-doubting as you think you are. Even if they try to hide it.
You should not be afraid of people, especially if they cannot do you any harm. Do not be shy in front of bosses, women or men, colleagues. They are people just like you.
You should not go out of your way to convince people that you are the smartest, the most sophisticated, the most erudite, the most “correct”. Such attempts, as a rule, speak of uncertainty in some of their qualities. When you are not too sure of your mind, you try to make other people believe in it.
Therefore, in some cases, vanity, boasting, excessive assertiveness in communication can speak of internal self-doubts.
So stop showing off and trying to impress every person. First of all, you need to convince yourself that you are worth something. Be who you are by interacting with other people.
Undoubtedly, moderate modesty is a virtue. You do not need to seem better than you are, but worse than you are, you also should not seem. Everything must have a limit. Feel free to speak directly about your strengths if you are asked about them (for example, in an interview).
If you are not afraid to talk about your strengths, it shows your confidence in these qualities. And when other people see that you are confident in yourself, they become confident in you. They think: “I see that this person does not doubt himself, and since he does not doubt, then most likely he has nothing to doubt, and I can also be sure of him.”
And if other people praise your qualities, then do not be embarrassed, accept their compliments, as if you deserved it. Thank people for kind words addressed to you.
Despite the fact that a little higher in the article I advised you to be yourself and not pretend, all the same, I recommend portraying self-confidence in situations where you feel a lack of this quality.
First, it is beneficial to appear confident in yourself, for the reason that people become more confident in you. It is a fact that insecure people are less loved and respected.
Secondly, when you just pretend that you are confident, you actually become confident. After all, very often feelings of insecurity, doubts are not related to your actual qualities. These are just emotions that can be overcome. And when you try to do something different instead of following them, you take control of them.
Smile more, be interested in other people's problems, cheer them up. This will position the interlocutors towards you. And when people are located in relation to you, it is easier for you to maintain self-confidence.
Do not withdraw into yourself, speak openly about your views and thoughts, if the situation allows and this will not disturb the comfort of other people.
Before, when I was an insecure person, I constantly kept something on my mind, not letting go of myself. But this did not help me gain faith in myself, but quite the contrary, it only contributed to the fact that I was losing it. As a result of self-development, I became very open. It seems to me that for my close people I am always at a glance.
On the one hand, I am confident in my thoughts, so I speak directly about them. On the other hand, I am not afraid that I will not be understood or criticized. I am not afraid to admit my own wrong, to give up my views if someone convinces me.
It is interesting for me to discuss with people on topics that bother me, to learn someone else's opinion, expanding my horizons.
When I speak about myself out loud, when I present my thoughts to the general court, then I have to eliminate all doubts, since I do this. And this action helps to be more confident in myself, because I put myself to the test of opportunity and face other people's opinions. Under the influence of these factors, self-confidence flourishes!
Don't wait for someone to pour their soul out to you first to open your soul to that person. Take the first step (although the circumstances must be suitable, you don’t need to pour out your soul unnecessarily. You should start a sincere dialogue as delicately as possible, removing all barriers). Be frank with the interlocutor, and then the interlocutor will become frank with you. And when someone opens up to meet you, then your faith in yourself will increase!
Of course, appearance has some significance, but charisma, intelligence and charm mean incomparably more! 😉
Speak clearly. Look into the eyes of the interlocutors, do not make unnecessary gestures with your hands. Don't wrinkle your fingers, don't pick your lips, don't "eeeeee." Just watch yourself, the position of your body, hone your communication skills and then, sooner or later, you will start to succeed.
Have a firm stance and unshakable views regarding some things. Do not rush to agree with everyone. A firm position does not mean blind stubbornness in opinion. This also does not mean that you always need to aggressively defend your opinion, conduct long meaningless disputes (although, in some situations, you have to defend yourself).
This means having a solid, well-founded, deliberate position, a set of own principles that cannot be shaken by every random opinion.
I am confident that I am doing the right thing by maintaining this site and filling it with articles. I am convinced that there are benefits to meditation and many of the benefits are lost to people if they do not practice it. I am sure that people themselves are responsible for their shortcomings. I am sure that every person .
I have strong principles and views on which my words and actions are based, and therefore I am confident in these words and actions. This confidence helps me keep doing what I'm doing. Sometimes clouds of doubt begin to obscure it, but behind these clouds you can always see the Sun, because it does not disappear anywhere.
Form your life position. Understand what you want from life. Consider your principles, stick to them, but avoid stubbornness, blind passion and rejection of other people's opinions! Keep a balance between moderate healthy stubbornness and softness, be flexible but firm, rely on the opinions of other people, but do not depend on it!
State your principles. Let me give you an example of this principle: "if you show diligence, then everything will work out." Realize how confident you are in this principle. Think like this: “The experience of many people confirms this principle. The one who really strives for something does not give up, only he achieves something. Therefore, I can be sure of this principle. It doesn't matter what others say! Anything can be said!" Hold on to this principle. Sometimes it will be obscured by doubt, then again return to your inner certainty, again and again find confirmation of the truth of this idea in life and experience.
You do not necessarily need to attend any special courses to increase self-confidence. Why do this, why pay money when reality provides many reasons to develop this quality?
Why do you need to train in some artificial situations when life gives you the opportunity to hone your skills in real situations?
You need self-confidence for life, so learn from life!
Meet other people, go to meetings, collective events (better refrain from alcohol, why - I wrote in an article about). Apply the recommendations given by me in practice, watch yourself, be aware of your fear and insecurity. Try to figure out what things you're not sure about and why. What are you going to do about it?
- these are great free lessons business communication and self-confidence. Just remember to put a salary higher than your current level on your resume. The higher the salary you ask for, the more difficult it is to justify that you are worthy of this money. But in the process of such communication, your self-confidence will be strengthened.
A side effect of such training may be that you will find a better job for yourself for more money. Isn't it tempting not to pay for lessons, but to receive one yourself?
Of course, it is very difficult to be confident in your qualities if these qualities are poorly developed. Self-confidence must be based on something real, on your real worth.
Of course, self-perception, emotional mood are very important components of self-confidence. People need to stop belittling their dignity and learn to cope with doubts, as I wrote above.
But, unfortunately, this alone is not enough. I think it's not entirely correct to convince them that they are better than they really are. Increasing self-confidence must necessarily be accompanied by work on oneself, self-development, so that something appears in a person that one can be sure of.
So develop your personal qualities. This blog is dedicated to how to do this. Read my articles, try to apply the recommendations. improve self-control.
Read more books of any kind: fiction, science books, educational books, etc.
Improve your professional skills. Think about what you want. Follow this goal.
Always strive to learn something new about this world, to learn some skills. As you master certain skills, your confidence in those skills increases. After all, it is difficult to doubt what you have devoted so much time to and what you are doing better than others.
Think about what you are good at.
If you constantly learn something, put your skills into practice, see the return to your actions, then there will be much less room for self-doubt!
Update 01/22/2014: As I read in the book, it turns out that people who think that all their qualities are given by nature and cannot be changed are less confident than those who believe in the possibility of self-development and growth! Why is this happening? Because people with the so-called fixed mindset (qualities cannot be developed) believe that if they are shy, uncharmable, and not smart enough, then it will always be so. Therefore, they are afraid of communication, as it will once again remind them of their "ineradicable" shortcomings.
But people with a growth mindset (qualities can be developed), on the contrary, do not miss the opportunity to develop their communication skills and self-confidence. For them, the mere fact that they are not smart and self-confident does not mean that this will always be the case. It may be difficult for them to communicate and believe in themselves yet, but everything can be developed. That is why failures do not undermine the faith of these people in themselves. They are not afraid of challenges and are only looking for a reason to develop themselves, to become better!
Someone else's criticism is not a sentence for them. It becomes valuable information that they can use for self-development purposes. Failures stop being failures, they become valuable lessons. Readiness for trials and failures, healthy stubbornness and intransigence form in people self-confidence! And if you do not strive to develop your qualities and consider yourself a worthless person who will never be capable of anything, you will not achieve anything and will not be able to develop self-confidence.
Therefore, I reminded once again that any qualities can be developed! Every person can change! You suffer from self-doubt not because you are “that kind of person”, but because you have not made any effort to change!
I have already said that you should know your strengths. But besides this, you need to know your shortcomings. What for? To be calm about them and understand what you need to work on.
Instead of thinking: “I’m so bad, I can’t do anything,” you need to reason like this: “I can do this, this and that, but I am weak in this, this and that. Some qualities I can improve, some I don’t need at all, and with some of them I can’t do anything. It's okay, you can't be perfect."
Make a list of what you are good at and what you are not good at. And think about what you can improve in yourself. Take these shortcomings not as a given, not as something permanent, but as a front for future work.
Yes, you don’t know how to do something now, but in the future the situation may change thanks to your efforts. All in your hands. This understanding will give you extra confidence in your abilities, which will not bother you at all.
If you believe that almost any quality can be developed (and you certainly can) and strive for this, then you will stop avoiding those situations in life that you were afraid of because of self-doubt. Because, as I said earlier, many of these situations in life are training in your personality.
Are you having trouble with communications? Instead of avoiding communication, on the contrary, communicate! This is the only way you can develop your communication skills.
Are you afraid of speaking in public because you think you're not good at it? There is only one way to learn this, and I think you can guess which one.
Do not avoid what you are afraid of, work on eliminating your shortcomings, those features of your personality that you are not sure about. Learn new skills and use those skills in practice in a variety of life situations. Instead of giving in to difficulties, overcome them, armed with a desire to develop. And then you will discover many more life opportunities than if you just sit with your hands folded.
If you don’t know how to do something, if you doubt your quality, develop it! Why grieve? Try, experiment, be diligent. And if something is impossible to implement, then, all the more, there is no point in being sad about it! Why worry about what you can't change? Accept it!
Tip 25 - Don't Wait for Confidence - Take Action
This is the last and most important advice. No need to wait until you have no doubts and fears before you decide on something. You can wait for the appearance of this state all your life to no avail, without starting to do something.
Doubts and fears will not go away. Remember, I said that doubts accompany any bold undertaking. And you will not be able to become self-confident until you begin to step over your fears, act in defiance of them, ignoring your anxiety and insecurity.
Your goal is not to get rid of fear, but to learn to ignore it! And the more control you have over it, the smaller it becomes. Therefore, do not wait for it to become easy, act now, through strength, through uncertainty. Then life with all its troubles will temper your character and it will become hard as a diamond and indestructible as a typhoon!
You are standing on the seashore. A wave rises, followed by another higher, then even higher. And when the waves come down, they appear before you in the rays of the setting sun - self-confident people. See how they shine and shimmer under the sea drops, you can look at them endlessly!
About self-confident people
You are standing on the seashore. A wave rises, followed by another higher, then even higher. And when the waves descend, they appear before you in the rays of the setting sun - self-confident people. See how they shine and shimmer under the sea drops, you can look at them endlessly!
In fact, confident people are much less mythical and much more prosaic. than it might seem from the seashore. Moreover, at Self-confidence is a skill that absolutely anyone can acquire.. Let's see what myths surround self-confident people, and what is true.
Myth 1: Confident people succeed.
I don’t know about you, I associate confident people with successful businessmen from North Manhattan or with beautifulmen with irresistible looks who take whatever they want from life.
In reality, both successful businessmen and the first beauties face the same number of failures as all other people. Moreover, the higher a person rises, the more serious his failures.
However, what separates confident people from everyone else is that when they fail, they get up, dust themselves off, and move on. Insecure people after a serious failure, as a rule, stop and back away.
Confident people don't expect to get it right the first time. They are confident that they will overcome as many "first times" as necessary. And this has nothing to do with the appearance or the thickness of the wallet. Try it and you will be one step closer to self-confidence. Only then will you have to face the following myth...
Myth 2: Confident people are not afraid.
They are afraid, how. But they overcome their fears. What do you think is courage - the absence of fears or the ability to overcome them? In my opinion, fearless people do not exist. Fearlessness is a rare disorder characterized by destroyed amygdala in the brain. People who do not suffer from this disease are afraid.
If you look at the biography of many professional athletes, then their path to sports and medals began precisely with fear, which they just compensated for with sports. Confident people have personal history overcoming fears and friendship with them.
Self-confident people know that the very presence of fear is not something shameful - fear is one of the basic feelings of a person, necessary for self-preservation at the lower levels and for decision-making at the highest.
However, insecure people are sure that fear is a shame. It's a shame to be afraid, especially to be afraid of little things. But no, be afraid not to be ashamed. But to be afraid to be afraid is a shame.
Myth 3: Confident People give advice and teach how to be like that.
Confident people don't give advice in the first place, instead they listen because they understand that they have two ears and one mouth on purpose. Second, they don't know anything about your life. And even if they know, they are sure that they do not know, because they are not you.
That's why The fundamental principle of psychology is not to tell a person what to do. And even if your psychologist, to whom you tell everything about yourself, does not tell you how to behave, then the person who knows your consciousness much more superficially will not tell you all the more.Those who teach you how to live are just not confident in themselves and seek to compensate for the uncertainty in their lives by experimenting with yours.
However, a confident person can do things better: show you how confident people make decisions and behave. Feel the difference? He will not teach you, you yourself will learn.
Myth 4: Confident people have always been that way.
Confident people are not born. But do you know how they are born? Insolent. Unfortunately, many people confuse self-confidence with arrogance. For some reason, it is believed that impudent people are self-confident, although in fact they compensate for their self-doubt in this way.However, impudence is one very limited pattern of behavior.
Self-confidence is a flexible skill that develops with different responses to different situations. Self-confidence is about risking stepping out of your comfort zone and experimenting with consequences.
People who develop experimentation in themselves more easily and quickly master the skill of self-confidence. They try new things, try themselves in different social situations, try themselves for strength.
Gaining self-confidence is more of a workout. Today you can jump in the length of your self-confidence by one and a half meters, and tomorrow - by training - already by 1.80, and the day after tomorrow by two.
Myth 5: Confident people exist.
The biggest myth Self-confident people do not exist.
There are people who have overcome their fears, gained experience and awareness, learned to hear themselves and adequately perceive the circumstances of their lives - in a certain area or several areas. However, as REM sang, "Life is big. It's bigger than you and bigger than me."
You can gain confidence in one area of your life and remain insecure in another. How do you like a person who feels confident at work, being successful businessman, but does not know what to do with the family, how to behave with his wife and how to educate with children? The example is absolutely real and far from isolated.
And you know what, it's completely normal. Becoming CONFIDENT in a new area of life is a new challenge. If you have mastered this skill in one area, it will become much easier for you in another.
Life is an ongoing learning process. Becoming more confident in areas of your life that are important to you is part of your studies. And this part is subject to everyone, regardless of age, gender or social status. One has only to want.published
How to become self-confident? How to increase confidence? In fact, this is one of the most common problems that are addressed to a psychologist.
It usually starts out the other way. Few people come to the office and say: “I am an insecure person, help me.”
All these actions, habits and attitudes seem ordinary and normal to people who are insecure in themselves. Uncertainty is always fear, and, as you know, fears must be fought in the name of a harmonious and happy life!
So, let's look at how insecure people behave.
1. They don’t do what they would like because they know for sure that they won’t succeed (lack of knowledge, experience, education, beauty or something else)
The good news is that success in any enterprise is almost never dependent on experience, education, or talent. Success is an effort and faith in victory. Don't you know people who are very talented, but, let's say, occupy worse positions than their less intelligent counterparts? Do you know cases when a person changed his life, becoming successful and famous, starting his way from the very bottom? There are millions of those and other examples, and what prevents you from achieving what you want is only your uncertainty. Scary - take a step, very scary - take two! Whether you succeed or not will depend only on the amount of effort you put in!
2. Communicate with those people who do not like or who humiliate them
One of the most striking indicators of an insecure person is an amazing, incredible ability to continue to associate with people who put them down or assert themselves at their expense. When I was studying at high school, I had a girlfriend who daily convinced me that I was fat, stupid, ugly and what else teenagers usually convince each other of. By the senior classes, I realized the unproductiveness of such communication, on which it ended once and for all. It was in childhood, but I know a lot of adults who have such "friends" and with the pleasure of a masochist every time they listen to more and more interesting facts about themselves.
Such communication is not only not beneficial - it is very harmful, both in the fact that your self-esteem tends to the baseboard, and in the fact that you are incredibly energetically depleted, and your opponent, on the contrary, “feeds” on your emotions. Most likely, you have a lot of excuses why you cannot stop such communication, but know that it is only in your head, it is much easier to end such a relationship than you think. Some things just need to be done...
3. Cannot refuse a request
These are such wonderful people who do not even have doubts when, after a hard day at work, they are asked to rush to the other end of the city to sit with their child while his mother and her girlfriends go to the club. These are the ones who are happy to take on the work of a colleague, because he asked. They are ready to give up all their affairs, postpone plans and fulfill the request with all their might in the name of: “what if he thinks badly of me” or “what if he gets offended.”
Well, he'll think. And then what? What will change in your life if you say "no" when you want to say it? There will be more time and energy for your own affairs. Increase self-respect. And you will be more appreciated and respected. Yes, of course, if you are pleased to help - this is one thing, but if you are already “going and your legs are hanging down”, then there is reason to think.
Don't know how to become a confident person? and get instructions on how to get out of uncertainty!
4. Their opinion of themselves is directly affected by what others say about them.
This is the most frequent and a difficult situation. The universe is constantly sending us different people and different reactions to us. Some people like us, some don't. But it is precisely the obsession with the opinions of others that betrays insecure people: “what will the neighbors say about me”, “what will they think if ...”.
People both thought and think and not always well. It is precisely this "not good", usually, that our heroes accept about themselves as the truth. I'm fat because the saleswoman in the store said so, no one needs me, because the guy I refused said so, and so on and so forth.
The result is a portrait of a curved mirror. Remember, as in childhood, fun rooms? Imagine that you have never seen yourself in a normal mirror before, and now they give you a crooked one, where you look at yourself for the first time in your life. What will be the feeling? This is who I am...
But you are an adult, why do you compose an understanding of yourself based on an image from an unrealistic display? There are many methods to fix this. Start by writing down a list of your real qualities based on objective data, not subjective assessment someone: “What am I like ...” (not to be confused with “what others say about me”).
5. Understand that they are not worthy of what they want.
“I am too ugly to have a loving husband,” “I have a poor education so that I can earn more,” “with such a character, I will always be alone,” and so on and so forth. All this is nonsense.
Any miracle can happen to any person as soon as he is internally ready to accept it. Don't you know examples ugly women and their happy marriages, lack of education and large sums of money? If it happened to some, then it can happen to you. It will, as soon as you're ready to accept it. Therefore, stop doubting, underestimate your dreams and grow wings from your desires.
6. Compare themselves to acquaintances, friends, colleagues, neighbors
Yes, insecure people constantly compare themselves with someone and the comparison is not in their favor.
But you, by definition, cannot compare yourself to anyone else, because you are a unique person who came into this world. There has never been and never will be another like you! You are amazing! You are unique!
7. Doubt, tension, embarrassment are their constant companions.
Do you try to do nothing without thinking it over carefully, weighing and measuring it all 33 times, but doubts and stress less and less allow you to take a step towards new opportunities? Congratulations, it is insecurity that keeps you from living your life to the fullest.
Life gives us a lot of chances and it's only our choice to use them or not. Scrolling in the head, thinking and dreaming, but doing nothing, we miss a lot of opportunities. Life passes, act!
Also, insecure people often feel embarrassed and constantly apologize. They put their desires and their opinions in second and subsequent places, try to please everyone, prefer to “keep silent” and stay away from others, live in dreams, and real life postponing "for later" and much more.
In general, self-doubt is one of the most destructive feelings. It is clear that everyone experiences doubts in one area or another from time to time, but when this uncertainty takes possession of a person, capturing his entire existence, this, without a doubt, begins to destroy his life. And if you do not work on gaining self-confidence, then there can be no talk of a happy life, success and harmonious relationships.
Look here -
The feeling of confidence in most people depends on the circumstances and scenarios. Perhaps that is why we so often think about how to gain stable and constant self-confidence. And we also live in a world where the motto “fake it until you become it” is popular. Therefore, how can one determine whether this or that person is really confident in himself or is it just his mask? Keep in mind, confidence is not swagger, bravado, or ostentatious bravery. Confidence has nothing to do with selfishness, narcissism and neglect of other people. Real confidence looks modest and low-key, it is a natural manifestation of ability, experience and self-respect. Do you want to identify truly confident people? They are united by the following nine features.
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